To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

Am loving the comments that maybe I'm too selfish and just not capable of loving my child as much as you love yours. Yes, I think that my own happiness is generally up there in my list of priorities. I love DS, I would honestly lay down my life for him if I had to, HOWEVER when I became a mother, I didn't stop being a person. I am a mum, but I'm also an individual, and a wife, and an employee, and a child to someone else. The dynamics of those relationships might have changed, but I am still ME. You feel sorry for people who are 'only capable of loving their child that much', I feel sorry for people who lose themselves completely in becoming a mum.

The issue here is not that someone would want to spend time with their partner, or have things for themselves. It's that some people look at the risks and decide that they are happy that their child will be safe in a hotel room with a baby monitor. Some would only be happy with a trusted babysitter. Some of us are so selfish you clearly think we are leaving our babies alone in a room full of knives, just so we can have a drink in peace.

There are freak accidents in all kinds of situations. But everyone has a level of risk they are comfortable with.

Well as the only babysitters I personally use (and even that is rare) are family and close friends i trust then personally I feel that negates the risk as much as possible. Certainly it's safer than leaving the child unsupervised

No way would I leave her. It is not another room in your home, it is a public building. Tragedies happen unfortunately and I wouldn't take the risk, no way.

and others have said about using a babysitting service, which may or may not have more risk.

so its swings and roundabouts really isnt it we all take what risks we are comfortable with, thats fine but calling someone a neglectful parent is not.

I didnt once say anyone didnt love their child

No, but others dis say that some people only love their children 'as much as they are capable of' and that it was a bad thing, to love yourself and your DH and your DS equally.

pumpkinsweetie

'You can hear your child choking more clearly at home'???! Rubbish, unless you sleep in the same room as your child. Why is there this assumption it is safer at home? In fact you are probably MORE vigilant to supposed risks in a hotel than the familiarity of home. Suppose there's a fire at home outside your child's room and you can't get to them? Suppose you live in a big house and your child's room is well away from you? How on earth would you hear them choking then? It only takes a few seconds for a child to choke.

Sorry to play devil's advocate her but I'm just trying to point out that these are the risks we take every single day. As someone else said, what are the risks leaving your child with a babysitter so you can enjoy some adult time? Isn't that selfish? And yes it's avoidable.

To those who worry about the choking scenario - do you sleep with your baby/child in the same room at home? If not, why not? Is that not selfish, wanting some space away from your child at night? You leave them alone every single night in their own room?

everlong I think WeeDom covered this a few pages back:

'Lastly - I do agree that it's up to the individual to make their own decision. What I do, and have done, will not always sit comfortably with everyone. We, you and I, as parents have the right and the responsibility to make decisions about our children. Making judgements about the safety of any situation is our responsibility and nobody has the right to second guess that, and particularly not if the children are unharmed. As a father, I decide what risk is acceptable. If I am right, and my children are unharmed, then nobody has the right to second-guess that decision. If I get it wrong, then I face consequences, which might be legal, emotional, or both, or more.'

I'd not do the monitor listening in myself, but I have left my child in a room with a lady sitting outside with a monitor, after much thought and consideration (and, yes, agonising). I really don't think these decisions are taken lightly by anybody. But living, in itself, is a risky business. I heartily wish it wasn't as a majorly risk-averse person, but it is. If you have thought through all the options and all the consequences and decided your course of action based on risks and probabilities and the individual situation then you'd stand by that, I think, even if something bad happened. It's not as if you've not thought of that bad thing happening, it's that you see the risk as an incredibly small one and proceed despite that risk. Honestly, otherwise, would you step out of the door with your child at all? Go in the car? Leave them with relatives? All potentially risky situations.

BoffinMum - I don't drive less carefully because I have the children in seats. I drive as carefully as I can full stop. I only drive them to school as there is no other way to get them there.

Thing is, if Something Bad happened, you would agonise over every aspect of everything you did, no matter how blameless. If the Bad Thing happened because you had left one DC with your partner/mother while you rushed off to donate your organs to the other, you would still wonder if you could have left five minutes earlier/later, or sent your partner to be the organ donor instead.

Most of the time, people do various things that have a moderate level of risk, and most of the time, Something Bad doesn't happen. But there are no guarantees, no matter how much you sacrifice and no matter how much you scream and howl abuse at other people who make different choices. We all die, in the end.

Sorry not read thru the replies, and don't know if this has been mentioned, but:

In short, I absolutely wouldn't (tho I know someone who does).

Have you heard of Sitters? (worth googling).

They're a brilliant babysitting service, offering mature, CRB checked and usually professional childcare workers for babysitting services all over the UK, and you can book them at reasonable rates for hotel babysitting.

Seriously, they changed mine and DP's life!

Pumpkin - IF you let a neighbour babysit your child whilst you selfishly go out for a meal without them, is that then, in your opinion, safer than leaving a child in a hotel room with a monitor?

You will say yes, so I want to question why.

I can find you many many cases of babysitters abusing the children they were meant to be looking after.
Can you find me similar cases of children coming to harm whilst left alone in a hotel room?

I have and I would do it again.
Would I feel guilty if anything happened? Of course I would! Just as, if the kids had an accident at home I would feel guilty. As a mother it is always your fault.

We have been down this road of explaining why it's not always appropriate to take your children in the buggy, why you might want some couple time, etc.

I would rather leave my children in the care of a baby monitor with regular checking than leave them with a member of the hotel staff who I don't know, particularly after what monkey said about untrained hotel staff doing this job who were not checked and who really didn't give a stuff.

So would I pay extra for a service that would potentially put my child at more risk? No I would not.

As for choking. As I have already said, there are monitors which measure breathing for goodness sake! If your child stirs or their breathing pattern changes, the bloody thing lights up!

As for sudden death. Well that can happen anywhere and there is nothing you can do about it. It happens in parents beds, in cots at home, etc. In fact if you have a monitor you might have a better chance of ensuring that doesn't happen than if you don't. So using that argument is insensitive (for those posters who mentioned it) and just moot.

Calling parents selfish, saying they are neglectful etc, that is extremely offensive. I have not called anyone over-protective. I have been reasonable and answered every single question with common sense, with statistics and I do not appreciate those who can longer argue, turning to personal insults. That's the sign of defeat and it stinks.

Yup, another Sitters fan here!

We use them all the time at home and they're useful for staying in hotels.

Our regular Sitters babysitters at home are like friends now. Love them.

I agree therhubarb

The problem is, emotion gets in the way of thinking through a potential risk in a clear and logical way.

I would take the pram and a good book (in case I end up in the room early) and keep her with me all the time, I would never leave my children in a hotel room on their own not even my bigger ones (DCs 6, 5 and 18months).

sitters seems quite expensive though. They charge £13 a quarter, then you pay £4 every time you book one and then you pay the sitter £6+ an hour for the babysitting?

It's a matter of how an individual parent feels about which is the lesser risk: leaving the child with a baby monitor/making use of a hotel's listening service seems safer to some people than using a stranger, however well referenced and recommended, to babysit. Neither decision is wicked. Neither is comparable to locking a toddler in the coalcellor while you go out clubbing till the small hours. But the worst whinyarsery is those saying that if you have DC, you should never go out. WTF are you bucketheads going to do when your children go to school? Or get big enough to want a sleepover at a friend's?

undercoverPrincess, that is what you would do, but some people make other choices.

I make no apologies for wanting time with my dh. I would not ask a mother who leaves her children in nursery whilst she works to apologise for this.

I would not ask someone who used a friend's teenager as a babysitter whilst they had a rare night out to apologise for that choice either.

The mumsnetter who discovered that the neighbour she had known since he was a baby and who was now their babysitter, had been abusing their little girl - would you ask her to apologise for her choices? Would you call her neglectful or selfish?

Bad things happen. Yes you don't have to go out, not ever. You don't have to have a life beyond your children. But if you do, you shouldn't have to apologise for this, ever.

Just because some people are different parents to you does not make them a bad parent. Just because some people don't take their child around with them 24/7 does not make them a bad parent.

Mothers work and not always because they have to, but because they want to. Would you ask them if they would feel guilty should anything happen to their child whilst they were at work? You wouldn't because you know you would, rightly get a mouthful.

So apply a bit of common sense please and stop with the insulting neglect comments.

HI all I am going to mix it up a bit now as i have done this however it was an inn Very much smaller and and i would not have done this without a digital baby monitor ...

I was very reluctant to do this but the lady that actually ranthe inn had a child of the same age and her and her husband had the baby monitor up on top of the till so all staff could keep a check ofthe there baby so i though ok why not !!

we took it in turns to check on him every half hour and were only out having drinks in the restaurant for a few hours (in bed by around 11 i think )
but it allowed me to join in for a change and it felt safe !

the words Madeleine McCann were running through my head but we could see him at all times and the door was locked ... old fashioned lock and key lol

slightly different but i think as long as you are sensible its fine !

Or solidgoldbrass what will they do when their child wants to go on an outwards bound adventure style school trip, or skiing, abseiling, rock-climbing or any other 'dangerous' sport? Or go on a school coach abroad? I can remember a few school coaches in recent years being involved in accidents.

You know, I feel sorry for these children whose parents let safety paranoia run their lives. How will they grow up - even more paranoid than their parents or completely rebellious of anything remotely safe?

After LeQ's post, I was very wary about leaving the extractor fan going after the shower this morning!

Otherwise I agree with SGB to a large extent.

So not wanting to leave a baby alone is safety paranoia? Ok then!

Dancer,

My dd was Injured in the Alvechurch school coach crash in feb after a ski trip, we as parents feel massive guilt.

But but although we will never ever let her travel on a long overnight trip again( she couldn't anyway as petrified now of the dark) we will have to let her on school trips again as that's life.

However I would never leave a child of mine unattended in a public place which is essentially what a hotel is.