To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

No way never.

I havent seen anyone saying that you shouldnt use babysitters, and I certainly dont say that.

But as for driving, I am very very careful, wont drive on motorways or dual carriageways now, and I think that anyone who doesnt see cars and driving as dangerous and potentially fatal is foolish. The point is that I realised that I had been complacent and learned my lesson.

It seems that most parents have a gift in that other people have learned the lessons for you. When tragedies happen only a bloody fool wouldnt learn from them.

Most of the time, your handbag wont get stolen, does that mean that you dont make sure that it is safe and that you have you eye on it at all times?

And yet your chiildren you will let out of sight for hours on the basis that most of the time they will be fine.

But bogeyface what you are saying doesn't make sense. Statistically motorways are safer than many other roads. There are more accidents on country A roads.

A lot of people are making their decisions on emotion rather than assessing the risks accurately. As in the choking scenario as I questioned above but no-one has replied. Why is the risk of choking greater in a hotel than at home?

It may be statistically safer but I have only had an accident on one, so I'll pass thanks!

And there is no more risk of it happening out than at home, but at home you are focussed on home, family, kids etc and little out-of-the-ordinary noise on the monitor would have you checking them. When you are having a drink and a dance and good time with friends then a little noise you would wait, see they didnt cry and then carry on.

It isnt just about what the risks are, but how you would react in certain situations based on where your focus was at the time.

DancerGirl- driving is an essential activity to get from a-b long distance -risks on driving doesn't come into this as it is an 'essential' part of life as is 'walking' but leaving your child alone in a hotel room isnt 'essential' it is a 'luxury' that isnt 'nessesary' and poses a delibrate risk to your child.

not all drives that you take are essential at all, i bet there are plenty where you could walk and statistically more car accidents happen in short journeys close to home where often people could have walked, they still take the risk tho and its a higher one than leaving your baby in a hotel room a few doors down whilst you sit with a baby moniter and eat a meal, and go back and check on them every so often.

If you say so 5

But you are placing the safety of your child on the assumption that things will probably be ok.

I can just about deal with probably (although not very well) with regards driving, but not with my children. I demand more than probably with them, and if that means I have to go self catering, miss a wedding or pay for a sitter, then thats what I will do.

You are happy with probably, thats your choice.

its not probably the statistics bare this out!

Oh, that's just brilliant. The "neglect" trolls have arrived. Watch as they sling their clubs of slander at people who took decisions that they wouldn't.

I have left my children in hotel rooms, and tents in campsites and gardens (yes - horror, once or twice in a garden at the back of a quiet country pub where I knew the owners well), on many occasions, whilst I went to the bar and read a book before turning in myself. They were never alone for more than 20 mins.

I'll also happily PM you my name and address, for you to take to the police to report me for child abuse, for that is surely what "neglect" is. As responsible, caring parents, wouldn't you be remiss in preventing further harm to my children?

In return, I simply ask that you leave your name and address with me so that the police, or I, can prosecute you for a) slander (or is it libel if it's written? I can never remember which way round it is) and b) wasting police/SS time.

No? Then keep your "neglect" comments to yourself. You have no basis for such a ridiculous, scurrilous, vicious slur on people you don't know. You should be ashamed of yourself for such knee-jerk judgements on another persons decisions in a situation which you were not party to.

5mad, Weedom why don't you just leave the thread? You know you're right. You've got statistics on your side and you're completely happy with your choice to leave your children in hotel rooms. It doesn't matter what comments other people make about your choices; you're happy with it and that's all that counts.

can't

stop

arguing

:)

HCCB, you may have a point. I get cross when people fling round terms like "neglect". It raises my hackles as my children, when I have custody, are happy, confident, independent, and quite happy to be left in tents/rooms etc. Quite happy to "bush-wee" if we're not close to a loo, too. It's only people (and I suppose I mean specifically Mrs Ex, but also many posters here) second guessing those decisions that actually creates a problem.

/takes the advice. Bows out. Thankyou, and goodnight x

Who mentioned neglect? I certainly didnt. I just said that while you may be happy with taking those risks, I am not.

I do feel that anyone who puts themselves above their own childs safety to be selfish, but i didnt say neglectful.

andypandy30 alleged neglect.

bobbledunk alleged neglect.

Pumpkinsweetie said "leaving your child alone in a hotel room is unthinkable, extremely selfish and im sorry to say this-neglectful."

I'll be honest and say those are the only "neglect" ones in a 600+ long thread, so I may have over-reacted, a tad. Sorry.

As I've said above, I am a bit sensitive to the "neglect" accusation. I'm also sensitive to the "selfish" accusation, though.

Why are you sensitive to neglect or selfishness?

I dont agree that it is neglectful but i certainly do think it is selfish when a parent puts what they want above what their child needs.

From a feminist point of view, all this squealing about 'neglect' and 'selfishness' for making a considered assessment of what risks you can and can't live with just seems like the same old patriarchal shit that women exist only to take care of other people and should have no needs or wishes of their own.

okaaaaaaay.

And when did 2 parents jointly deciding to leave, or not, their child alone a hotel room become a feminist issue?

Still flogging that horse SGB?

But thats it isn't it? It is about opinions, i see it as neglect, some see it as normal.
People are angered by the word 'neglect' but im angered at people thinking it is 'ok' for dcs to be alone in a hotel room!
For the record i am not a troll or whatever you may call it im a mother of four kids who doesn't have the scewed belief leaving a kid on its own as 'normal'.
Im not saying each & every day of your lifes must be controlled by your dc and you cant have any fun, im just saying book a babysitter , a relative to babysit or simply take your child with you in a buggy.
Seriously , what happened to having an opinion on here without being leaped at?
Put your kids FIRST is all im saying, they should be so precious dont take risks that aren't worth taking over getting a meal or drink to yourselves.
Maybe the 'neglect' word is too strong but i cant really think of any other word for it

Oh by the way as for the 'feminist' ishoos- i also believe fathers shouldn't do this hotel thing either

In the end, all considered parenting is about "acceptable risk", isn't it? for me, leaving DS alone in a hotel room = unacceptable risk. For others, it = acceptable risk. For LeQueen it would have been fatal risk and I'm so glad that you were able to rescue your girls and that you got no comeback purely on the basis of an annual fire certificate!!

In fact, life is about acceptable risk vs unacceptable - and everyone, to some extent, has a different bar between acceptable and unacceptable. Mine is higher than DH's - his is rising as DS hurts himself each time (unacceptable risk now = leaving the zip open on the trampoline net cos trampoline is on a concrete yard and DS was extremely lucky to only split his chin open)

You can change people's awareness of risk, but in the end, it's quite hard to change their own perception of acceptable.

I don't see this needs to be a feminist drum-banging issue at all. It isn't about WOMEN putting their needs last, it's about PARENTS putting their children's needs before their own. BOTH parents.

With regards to the question about chocking although I can't answer that directly I have a Ds who can go to bed perfectly well and then be hit with a croup attack. Being in the house with him it's easy to hear when this happens and comfort him/get him to hospital if needed. If I had wandered off to a bar but was checking on him every 20 minutes then if that happened I dread to think what state I would find him in.

wee dom is banging a different drum, I reckon

20 mins is well enough time for a child to drown, choke to death, be electrocuted, scalded, burned, etc the list goes on.
I think it is selfish to risk this-why do it? Get your purse out for a sitter , take child in buggy or don't go thats what a responsible parent would do!