I know my post was AGES ago, but let me just clarify that what I meant by "listening service" was more of a monitoring service. The phone in the room was left off the hook and, with a special code, you dialled into it to listen to your child at will.
Let me also explain what Mrs Ex did that night, and just how ridiculous some of the suggestions I've seen are.
This was a family funeral. We (along with many other family members) were staying at a hotel. It wasn't exclusive.
I had gone for drinks with a few family members in a pub nearby, leaving Mrs Ex (as discussed and agreed with her) to put DD to bed and sleep. I'd explaiend to Mrs. Ex how the monitoring worked, and suggested that she put DD to bed, then sit in the foyer with a glass of wine, next to a phone that she could use to check on DD every 20s, if that's what she wanted. After about an hour, I get a hysterical phone call from her. DD won't sleep.
"Where are you?"
"in the toilet (sob)"
"that's odd. Why are you calling from the loo? Have you dialled in to see how DD is getting on?"
"no, our loo. I'm in the bathroom. She just keeps yelling at me".
"oh, for crying out loud. Right, I'll be there in ten"
DD was 11 months old. She knew the difference between Mum leaving the room, and walking into a cupboard. DD was frustrated because she knew mum was jut behind that door, and was refusing to talk to her.
I took Mrs Ex out of the room, after settling DD, and we listened at the door for a minute. It was quiet.
We went downstairs, and dialled into the monitoring system. Nothing, except sleepy baby breathing. We then proceeded to have a good night with family we hadn't seen for years, checking that our daughter was ok using the monitor every half hour or so, until we were so confident that she was sound asleep that we ceased checking.
My point? I know my children won't go to sleep if I'm in the room. They want interaction, if I'm in the room. And they're not idiots. If I'm sitting in the bathroom, they'll want to know why. Are the people advocating the "constant adult presence in the room" saying that their children are idiots, and haven't spotted a hiding adult?
Lastly - I do agree that it's up to the individual to make their own decision. What I do, and have done, will not always sit comfortably with everyone. We, you and I, as parents have the right and the responsibility to make decisions about our children. Making judgements about the safety of any situation is our responsibility and nobody has the right to second guess that, and particularly not if the children are unharmed. As a father, I decide what risk is acceptable. If I am right, and my children are unharmed, then nobody has the right to second-guess that decision. If I get it wrong, then I face consequences, which might be legal, emotional, or both, or more.
My right/responsibility. OP's right/responsibility. Your right/responsibility. But don't try to take my rights/responsibilities from me.