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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

999 replies

Shelby2010 · 13/05/2012 22:40

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

OP posts:
Groovee · 14/05/2012 11:54

Our 2 are older now, but we never let them. It never occurred to us to do that. We used to take them in their buggies and let them sleep. We usually fed them a bit earlier.

The first time we went to Spain with 2, the first night dh went to the bar alone as the kids were both sound asleep having been up since 4am. He brought me a drink up to the room.

Now they're older we still don't tend to leave them as they join us for meals and go to bed at the same time as us.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 14/05/2012 11:55

It's not something I would ever do, I would be too worried about everything.. Saying that I was left in hotel rooms as a child and lived to tell the tale, I think everyone was at that time. Things are different now though.

5madthings · 14/05/2012 11:55

My concern would be the child waking (every chance if people are being noisy as they pass the door) and exploring a room that was not child-proofed. Pulling on a lamp cord and being injured by the falling lamp, looking in your bag and finding pills/things to choke on. Wandering in to the bathroom and playing with hot taps, toiletries. Reaching for the television to try and turn it on, sticking fingers in electric sockets. And if the room is darkened, triple these dangers....

well for start you CAN make sure you baby proof the room, so dont leave things about like pills!!! move lamps, anything small they could choke on etc. the bathroom will have a lock on the door, or mine always have done so lock it!! or put a chair infront of the bathroom door so they cant open it easily. make sure you turn taps really tightly off so that a small child wouldnt be able to turn them on. you can make the room childproof and if the child is in a travel cot etc that they cant climb out of then they shoudl be ok and YES there is always the first time but my moniter picks up small tiny noises and flashes at me, if it did then i would be there in a min or 2 tops.

seriously what is the difference between leaving them asleep upstairs in your house or a relatives house or just upstairs in a room in a hotel, esp if htey are the same distance away?!!

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 11:57

monkeymoma - first the child would have to get out of bed and make his/her way to bathroom without the sounds being picked up by the baby monitor.

In a hotel, because of health and safety again, the water is not allowed to get to a temperature that is hot enough to scald.

AuntLucyInPeru · 14/05/2012 11:57

69,000 files in total in 2010/11, of which 1,000 happened in hotels.

388 fatalities in 2010/11, of which 1 happened in a hotel.

Data here

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 11:59

not all hotels are as honest as you are giving them credit for! they get notice before inspections you know and have plenty of time to prepare to pretend that things are up to scratch all the time!

AuntLucyInPeru · 14/05/2012 11:59

69,000 file? Should read 'fires', obviously..

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 12:00

(the one I worked in was the poshest in the area, and was a death trap! proper bodge cover-ups before inspections!)

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2012 12:02

thebody. Re. Your dd being injured on a school trip - not the same thing at all.

You presumably handed her into the care of other reliable adults (baby sitter equivalents?)
If you'd sent her on a 10 mile hike on her own you could well blame yourself.

Whoneedssleepanyway · 14/05/2012 12:03

So it would seem that you are actually safer in a hotel if it catches fire than a house fire...

which would make sense given all the regulations health and safety they will have to adhere to, so will have sprinkler systerms fully functioning smoke alarms etc...

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 12:10

When did you work there monkeymoma?
Because things change and if they were bodging, I'm sure an inspection would have been able to spot that. The HSE is pretty strict now and on their website it lists hotel managers that have been prosecuted for breaking the law.

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 12:11

it hasn't changed, I know people who still work there.

tigger32 · 14/05/2012 12:13

No way! Get a babysitter. Along with other reasons I would worry what would happen if there was a fire? Could you get to her quick enough? Plus like you say a lot of staff members have keys to the rooms.

Selyna · 14/05/2012 12:14

Okay 'fucking despise' was a bit strong, but I still think they were stupid to leave three small children alone in a hotel room in a foreign country, with a 'listening service' which obviously didn't work.

How's it going to bite me? Am I going to be arrested for expressing an opinion on the internet, give me a break!

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 12:16

Well then report them to the HSE because if there is a fire, and you knew that the hotel was unsafe, imagine how you would feel?

You can report it anonymously I'm sure and they would send in an inspector who would concentrate on the issues you have raised. They wouldn't even know the inspector was there.

Whoneedssleepanyway · 14/05/2012 12:16

Everyone going on about a fire...1 PERSON DIED IN A HOTEL FIRE IN 2010/11....

Roseformeplease · 14/05/2012 12:17

We used to own a remote hotel in an area with zero crime. We had rooms beside the bar with a window from the bar overlooking the hotel rooms (only 6 of them - bit like a motel) and we regularly had baby monitors lined up on the bar with parents monitoring them. I think that some of the people on here are very alarmist and it really does depend on the hotel, the circumstances etc. There is a big difference between several floors up in a hotel which is full of strangers and just across the corridor in a hotel full of family and friends. When we travel abroad our children have their own room beside ours, often interconnecting but not always. There is usually no alternative and, while they are not babies, we have been doing this since they were 7-8 years old. It is about weighing up risks and being prepared to adapt to circumstances. If it is a family wedding, surely other famiy members might be in the same situation and could share the sitting / checking duties or the children could be put in together until parents go to bed with one sitter?

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 12:19

Selyna, it will 'bite' you because one day, you might make a mistake. You might take your eye off the ball for an instant and something might happen. Then you'll be the one being judged and you'll know what it feels like.

They made a mistake the McCanns. They recently spoke of the guilt that will never leave them, of how they feel that they failed Madeleine. Because of that, they have worked tirelessly for the past 5 years to try and find her.

We've all made mistakes, we've all been a bit too complacent at times but luckily most people manage to get away with it. They were incredibly unlucky. Kidnap by a stranger is so very very rare and would not have figured on their risk list. I don't blame them at all but I have every ounce of sympathy for them.

Lambzig · 14/05/2012 13:04

The only time i have tried to do it was at my sisters wedding. It was at a private house with 20 guests (10 rooms) and all the staff left at 8pm and we locked the door (they would return in the morning). Our evening was drinks and conversation in the lounge and our bedroom was directly above the lounge. So all very similar to being in your own house (obvs with fewer bedrooms)

I put exhausted DD to bed about 8.30 with a baby monitor which didnt make a sound. I checked her at 9.30 and she had been very sick, all over her cot and herself and was crying really quietly. I know that this could have happened while I was on the sofa at home and she was upstairs, but I felt so so guilty that I had been downstairs drinking and chattting while she was sick and I didnt hear her. Definitely wouldnt do it again.

SusanneLinder · 14/05/2012 13:11

I did it once, many years ago (well before Madeleine McCann). I spent the whole night being paranoid that DD was okay.So I didn't enjoy myself. DD got left at home, fell asleep in her buggy or had a proper babysitter.

Too worrying IMO

Latsia · 14/05/2012 13:12

I wouldn't do it. Hotel rooms are not secure, even if you can see the door you won't necessarily be watching all the time and you won't necessarily see all exits.

That said I don't think I'd judge anyone who would. The only people I'd be slightly Hmm at are those who go through agonies trying to decide if their childminder / nanny / nursery is safe for their child and then think nothing of leaving their sleeping child in a hotel room with someone they barely know, who they accept is suitable to look after their child simply on the say-so of the hotel they happen to be staying in. I just don't understand that.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 14/05/2012 13:15

whoneeds 1 person in a year is very low risk we can all agree. What we can also agree on is if that 1 person was your baby the fact that he/she was the only death that whole year wouldn't really bring you much comfort.

I don't think anyone is arguing a child is more likely to be abducted or killed in a hotel fire than they are in a car accident, just that this is so easily avoidable. Never going anywhere in a car/bus/taxi or crossing the road would be very life limiting, getting a babysitter or letting a baby sleep in a pram is a really, really straightforward and easy thing to do. The point is it's a very, very small, but completely unnecessary risk.

Graciescotland · 14/05/2012 13:18

Against the grain of the thread we've done this. We use a baby monitor app that works as a webcam/ sound monitor over the internet. We also stay in small hotels. Our trial run was in a place that had six rooms and we were sitting in lounge down one flight of stairs directly below our room so we could of heard him anyway. I've never been more than two minutes away.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 13:20

Letting a baby go to sleep in a pram at a noisy wedding reception is not a straightforward thing to do.

Parenting is full of avoidable risks. Do you let your kids play in the local park unsupervised? Do you carry out CRB checks on all your babysitters? Do you have a glass of wine whilst pregnant? Do you let your baby sleep in their own room where you can't hear them?

Everyone has a different attitude to risks. Some parents make their lives infinitely more difficult by not taking any risks at all if they can help it and others have a 'don't care' attitude. We all fall somewhere in the middle. To you leaving a sleeping child in a hotel room with a listening device and regular checks is a risk too far, for others it's too much of a minimal risk to worth losing much sleep over.

doormat · 14/05/2012 13:21

no i would never do it