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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is too much alcohol for hubs when TTC?

87 replies

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 21:47

He's writing a paper for work and since 4pm he's had:

2 gin and tonics
8 bottles of carling and lime (2.8%)

And he's just gone and brought 4 cans of kronenberg.

Just feel like I'm always nagging about his drinking .

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 13/05/2012 23:12

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Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 23:17

thesecond but isn't the alcohol content the same as 2 pints of 'normal' lager? (that's what was said earlier). And the kronenberg cans i have seen are not pints. So based on that. He has had 7 'drinks' over 6 hours and eaten in that time.

I would not consider that even enough to even get tipsy tbh.

TheSecondComing · 13/05/2012 23:23

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solidgoldbrass · 13/05/2012 23:25

Winkle: then it doesn't sound like getting PG with this man is a very good idea. You really don't want to spend your pregnancy and your baby's early days begging him to drink less and worrying about whether or not he's an alcoholic. He may be an alcoholic or he may be on the way to becoming one, or he may just be a selfish man who reckons that childcare and all that palaver is women's work so he will not change his habits because he sees no reason to do so.

TheSecondComing · 13/05/2012 23:28

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ItsAPublicForumWhine · 13/05/2012 23:28

I don't think he's an alco and some of the replies has been way ott.

ItsAPublicForumWhine · 13/05/2012 23:28

I don't think he's an alco and some of the replies has been way ott.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 23:32

kronenburg is a lager, kopparberg is a cider... two entirely different things

OP says kronenburg

thenightsky · 13/05/2012 23:35

I don't think it's that much really over almost six hours.

bogeyface · 13/05/2012 23:35

The problem is that to a non/light drinker it is a hell of alot. To a heavy drinker it is an aperitif and to a TTC woman it is gallons and it is poisoning his swimmers!

Drinking amounts and effects are unique to everyone so it really hard to have a sensible "yes it is" or "no it isnt" answer.

But word to the wise OP, nagging will never work.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 23:39

I dont think it is a lot over the space of a few hours really.

And he is working from home, operating a pen or a keyboard, not machinery!

Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 23:39

From what you have said OP, I don't think he is an alcoholic, on his way to being an alcoholic or demonstrating that he doesn't want a baby or even being selfish. People do change when the baby is here/on the way. You haven't even conceived, so the baby is still quite abstract probably to him.

Everyone i know drank to the same extent or more than what your DP does (women too), and then really cut down when the babies arrived.

Original poster
winkle2 · 14/05/2012 00:03

We just had a talk about it.

He said he has cut down as he never goes out with his friends anymore. This is true. Apart from last week when he bumped into a uni friend which I didn't mind about.

We put the amount he had drunk into my fitness pal app which shocked him as he's a big gym fanatic.

He said he didn't want to drink the amount that he'd drunk but he's cooped up in the spare room writing a paper that's taken him weeks and it's been so stressful but today as its coming to an end, he thought he'd have a few to get him over the last hurdle.

He said he is concerned about the effect TTC is having on us as I am neurotic over it - this is true. :(

I said I didn't trust him not to drink when we had children as that would be stressful so would he be drinking then too? He was shocked and said no he wouldn't as he would never be drunk around his child in case something happened and they needed to go to hospital etc.

He's now back writing his paper and I've added to his stress haven't I?!

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 14/05/2012 00:05

The point is, the OP has asked him to stop/cut down on his drinking and he won't. Whether he is drinking too much or whether the OP is a controlling whinyarse (the truth probably being in the middle) this is not a good situation for TTC because the two of them are not on the same page of the book, so to speak.

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 00:11

I dont think you have added to his stress at all.

You have given him something to think about (unless your "talk" was actually a blazing row) and he has given you something to think about.

Hopefully he will now understand that his drinking is a bigger issue than he thought, and you get that your obsession with TTC is also a problem and you can both deal with these together :)

Original poster
winkle2 · 14/05/2012 00:22

Bogeyface that's exactly what has just happened. We just had another chat about it and I'm going to stop moaning at him about it and he's going to be more aware of his drinking and cut back even more and not use alcohol to destress.

Argh this TTC business is hard. I honestly wouldn't care about his drinking if we weren't TTC.

OP posts:
Original poster
winkle2 · 14/05/2012 00:23

He also said he's been cooped up writing this paper for 11 hours today. On a Sunday. He had a few drinks to unwind which turned into more than he wanted to drink.

OP posts:
Pallindrome · 14/05/2012 00:26

No I don't think that's too much too drink over 6 hours as a one off given the ABV of what you have said he has drunk

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 01:35

TTC turns a normal sane woman into a total headcase, it can be so horrible and I sympathise.

Your problem on MN is that the teetotallers will always tell you that anything more than 1 bottle of wine a month is alcoholism!

In many ways, I think it is good this has happened as you are both now aware of the issues you have and can deal with them together, thats good :)

Keeping my fingers crossed for a BFP soon x

Longdistance · 14/05/2012 01:47

My dh used to drink heavily, but not so much now we have dd's. He has the occassional blow out, and so do I, to relieve the stress.
We conceived when we were drunk.

SodoffBaldrick · 14/05/2012 04:02

Sorry McHappy but why did you see fit to curtail your drinking completely and not your DH even a little bit?

Why is it one rule for the man and one for the woman? That sort of thing has my hackles rising immediately.

Maybe he feels he doesn't even need to step up to the plate and cut back his drinking, because you've cut it out completely. You'll always step in and be the responsible one in an emergency, so why does he need to change?

Look - I don't see how anyone can have a problem with drinking per se. Not sure why you had to go teetotal, but can only assume it's because your DH wouldn't cut back his heavy drinking at all.

Both my DH and I drink - we have certainly cut back since our child-free days, but we didn't feel the need to go to the extreme of being teetotal, but rather to just take equal responsibility.

I still think the OP has more to worry about going forward (sorry, hate that phrase but you know what I mean Grin) than just TTC with this man.

CaoNiMa · 14/05/2012 04:08

"Hubs"...

TheSecondComing · 14/05/2012 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
winkle2 · 14/05/2012 11:31

What's wrong with saying hubs? I hate 'DH'

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/05/2012 11:33

You were also a heavy drinker OP and have given up because you want a baby. Does your husband want a baby, really? People who are motivated to do something they really want, whatever it is, overcome anything to achieve it.

That's what I'd be asking myself - and my husband - not being distracted by the volume of alcohol, which may or may not be a factor in TTC.