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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is too much alcohol for hubs when TTC?

87 replies

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 21:47

He's writing a paper for work and since 4pm he's had:

2 gin and tonics
8 bottles of carling and lime (2.8%)

And he's just gone and brought 4 cans of kronenberg.

Just feel like I'm always nagging about his drinking .

OP posts:

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 22:28

He doesn't drink on a daily basis.

He doesn't lose his temper or wake up annoyed. He gets up and he goes to the gym every other day before work with no problems.

OP posts:

bogeyface · 13/05/2012 22:32

Do you really want to being an innocent baby into a house with an alcoholic?

A few drinks 3 times a week and he is now an alcoholic? thats a hell of a leap!

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 22:33

I don't think he's an alcoholic...

OP posts:

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 13/05/2012 22:39

I would definitely agree that the drinking issue alone is a problem in your relationship, totally leaving aside the TTc. This is what you need to e discussing. Do you see it as a problem? You don't really sound from your last post as though you do.

Were you not trying to conceive would you be drinking to the (relatively) same extent as him?

Smellslikeweenspirits · 13/05/2012 22:41

Hang on hang on 2.8%? He'd have to drink a bucket of booze of that strength, very quickly to be at all pissed

Surely if he was a habitual boozer with issues he'd be drinking something stronger and more quickly?

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 22:42

I think if we weren't TTC I'd be drinking twice/three times a week - one night out with the girls and a couple of nights at home, say fri night and a few on Sunday. Maybe even more if a friend popped round or I went to a friends house.

OP posts:

Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 22:43

I don't think it is an absolutely massive amount tbh - but i am used to drinking. To those who aren't drinkers it seems excessive.

I don't think 4 cans of Fosters of a normal evening is a lot. Perhaps what he's had today is more than usual, but if he wasn't slurring and falling over, and still getting up for work it wouldn't bother me really.

As for conception - i'm not sure. i cut down drinking but I didn't ask DP to (although he doesn't drink much).

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 22:43

Smells - that's his argument. That it may be 8 bottles but it equates to 2 pints of 'proper' beer.

OP posts:

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 22:44

Spuddy I'm used too people drinking a lot too, stems from uni mates and being a big socialiser myself. I think it's bothering me more because we're TTC.

OP posts:

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 13/05/2012 22:46

But bogeyface, they are TTc and he is still drinking to excess. The Op asys she is frequently mentioning his drinking to him, and yet he hasn't modified his behaviour.

And Mchappypants, imo pregnant women who know they are pregnant and continue to drink heavily are not exactly candidates for parent of the year. I know you didn't mention the 'to excess' bit, but given the context of your post I'm going to make the assumption that you didn't simply mean a half glass of wine on a weekly bsis.

Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 22:48

Well, with the low unit count of the beer pointed out, it seems quite normal over one day to me really.

It wouldn't worry me.

zadigeist · 13/05/2012 22:49

I"m amazed he is drinking that much and working! What sort of job can you get away with that in, even if he is stressed!

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 13/05/2012 22:56

Well, you don't sound like you're a huge boozehound winkle .

You do sound very stressed about the ttc stuff. Are you using opk? . Apologies if you're doing all this and I sound like a patronising idiot. If you're not, it's worth doing - it's amazing how many people are not actually having sex at the correct time in the month in order to conceive.

You really haven't been trying for an incredibly long time, and you do have age on your side. We are all conditioned as teenagers to believe that one careless shag will lead to pregnancy, and it's quite a shock to realise that it's not that straightforward.

Good luck - chat to your Oh and consider consulting your gp if nothing has happened after the next few months.

Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 22:56

With the units of the beer being the equivalent of 2 'normal' pints. He would have had 2 g&t's (singles i presume) and about 5 pints of lager (as cans are less than pints) over 6 hours.

I don't believe that is so excessive. I could drink that and not have a sniff of a hangover.

BasilEatsFoulEggs · 13/05/2012 22:58

I think it's too much alcohol for anyone who isn't actually partying.

If he uses this much alcohol to de-stress, that's bad news.

This is a binge. Does he have a binge every time he destresses?

Because having a baby is one of the most stressful things you can possibly do in life.

Also if you feel like you have to nag him about his drinking, you know that means there's a problem.

Bagofholly · 13/05/2012 22:58

Apart from brewers droop, alcohol doesn't affect make fertility.

Spuddybean · 13/05/2012 23:00

and OP, DP and I tried for 8 months and then conceived. The month we conceived we stopped stressing and temp taking/peeing on sticks, and just made sure we had sex every day/every other day. I laid on my back and did bicycles (sexy!) for half an hour at least after every shag. I also took manuka honey (as did DP).

good luck.

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 13/05/2012 23:03

Yes it most certainly does bagofholly! Where on earth have you got that piece of scientific research from?

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 23:04

Homemade - we have been using opks but we're ditching them this month and gong for every other day method around fertile period instead. Got a feeling they're making us stop dtd too soon as we dtd loads around OV then stop cause we're knackered! So we might be finishing too early.

Spuddy - he's been drinking slowly all afternoon and eaten as well in this period so he's not acting drunk.

Basil - you are right. I will talk to him about using alcohol to distress.

Thanks girls for you help and comments.

OP posts:

openerofjars · 13/05/2012 23:05

Gosh. He must wee a lot if he's able to down all that.

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 23:05

Spuddy that's the tactic we're going for this month!

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 13/05/2012 23:05

Is he as keen to have a baby as you are, OP? Is he really, really up for the idea of becoming a father or has it been a matter of you wanting a baby and him going' Oh OK then.'?
Because, regardless of how much he actually drinks, the fact that you are regularly asking him to drink less and he is not doing so suggests a variety of not-good possibilities:

He is an alcoholic or on the way to being one
He doesn't actually want to have a baby, or at least not yet
He doesn't mind impregnating you but will not change his own lifestyle once a baby arrives
You are a funsponge.(this option doesn't sound terribly likely)

McHappyPants2012 · 13/05/2012 23:06

The point is the assumption that he will be a crap father because of his life style ATM.

SundaeGirl · 13/05/2012 23:10

I'm boozy but there is no way on earth I'd drink like that and work - if he's able to work then he's pretty hardened, he may not be alcoholic but it sounds as though he has a bit of an issue.

As others have said, ttc is probably something you should do after cutting back, partly to see how your DH handles it.

Original poster

winkle2 · 13/05/2012 23:11

Solid - yes to both of your questions.

He thinks he has cut back because he's not drinking during the week anymore (apart from the odd Thursday here and there).

Sigh

OP posts:

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