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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking with rage...

55 replies

diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 13/05/2012 00:19

Because my 'd'p has just destroyed one of my belongings?

Got in from work an hour or so ago and DP has 2 friends round, both I know and like. DP has done a 14 hour day split between 2 jobs so is knackered. He spilled a beer on the kitchen floor, his mates were ribbing him. I laughed and he turned to me, threw the bottle opener into the sink (with force) and smashed a plate. His friends went quiet and just stared around awkwardly while he cleaned the beer. I challenged him about it and he ignored me

The plate was the last of a set my mum and dad had as a wedding present nearly 30 years ago. It was only a cheap one but I love the pattern and it's just one of things that are a bit special to me.

I left them to it and went to bed but I'm so angry and sad that he's smashed up something dear to me and humiliated me in front of his friends :(

OP posts:
SkipTheLightFanjango · 13/05/2012 00:21

That is bad behaviour OP Sad! Hope you are okay.

bejeezus · 13/05/2012 00:22

what will happen now?

will he come and apologise?

i dont understand why he was cross with you? Confused

is this normal for him?

what did you say when you'challenged him'?

HumphreyCobbler · 13/05/2012 00:25

he humiliated himself actually, although I know it feels more personal than that.

I am not surprised you are angry, how upsetting. It this very out of character, or does he lose his temper often?

Original poster
diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 13/05/2012 00:26

I've give to bed and he's in the kitchen with his mates. He hasn't spoken to me.

He's not normally like this, he's got a temper but it takes a lot to get him there. He's working 3 jobs at the moment and not sleeping properly, so it's obvious why he's tired and stroppy.

Oh he's just texted me saying "sorry it wasn't your fault, sleep well." Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 13/05/2012 00:28

I mean he humiliated me because I had to question that he'd broken the plate almost on purpose and by doing that I felt like I was nagging iyswim

OP posts:
LowFlyingBirds · 13/05/2012 00:28

I really, honestly dont see what the big deal is. And i dont understand why the Confused re him apologising.

GnomeDePlume · 13/05/2012 00:28

His mates were laughing at him, you laughed at him, he threw a bottle opener into the sink and a plate got broken.

He didnt break a plate, a plate got broken.

Your behaviour wasnt great nor was his. IMO apologies all round.

Dropdeadfred · 13/05/2012 00:29

I don't understand why you would have the last precious plate in the sink???? It doesn't sound like he meant to break it

Original poster
diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 13/05/2012 00:33

He threw the bottle opener in a way like he MEANT to break something, whilst looking straight at me.
It's not really about the plate, I just feel shaken by the whole thibg

OP posts:
LimitedAppeal · 13/05/2012 00:34

Leave the bastard

HeathRobinson · 13/05/2012 00:37

I think he felt humiliated by everyone laughing at him, but especially you joining in. Last straw.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 13/05/2012 00:39

Still no excuse for him to glare at OP and throw something with the intention of breaking a plate though, Heath, eh!

LowFlyingBirds · 13/05/2012 00:39

What do you want people to say?
This is such a tiny incident, you already list mitigating factors. Most peopke would be able to work this through in their own heads.
Is there more youre not saying? Are you waiting for someone to suggest hes abusing you?
If so, hang on it wont be long....

giraffesCantGoPotholing · 13/05/2012 00:42

It doesn't sound like he meant to break it, it sounds like he threw it in frustration.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 13/05/2012 00:43

He felt like a bit of a tit by the sound of it and and had a mini strop, threw the bottle opener as it wa sin his hand without really thinking of any damage being caused, he broke a plate, you questioned him, he felt like a bigger tit, he appologised, and you posted on mumsnet.... no doubt this will equate to emotional abuse at the least if the thread runs long enough but really it sound like a bit of damaged pride and an accident... Smile

BandersnatchCummerbund · 13/05/2012 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 13/05/2012 00:53

Take the pieces of plate and have something like this made...

You're sad. Understandable...I get attached to things and hate it when they're gone...but it sounds like he didn't mean to smash it and he;s knackered...life's too short...

fuzzypicklehead · 13/05/2012 07:37

LowFlyingBirds--that wouldn't necessarily be a tiny incident to me. When a situation is heated enough that somebody throws something, that's a pretty big deal. (I speak as someone who has been known to chuck things in anger, albeit in a quite controlled fashion) To break something precious (did he realize it's sentimental value?) in front of an audience is a pretty big loss of control. I'd be pissed off and holding out for a hell of a big apology.

AutumnSummers · 13/05/2012 07:54

I'd say that it's less about what he did and more about how he behaved after the fact. He acted out of stress, fair enough we all do at times, but to have ignored you after the fact indicates a bigger issue.

LowRegNumber · 13/05/2012 08:12

Thehouse, they are lovely, a brilliant idea for the op Smile

Op, he didn't mean to destroy the plate to hurt you he had a strop. Not great but not the end of the world given he must be exhausted right now. After he broke the plate I should imagine he realised he had made a total plonker of himself and didn't know what to say/do to make it better hence saying nothing.

marriedinwhite · 13/05/2012 08:17

He's working three jobs and is exhausted. He spillt a beer on the kitchen floor by accident. His mates were ribbing him - you came in and started laughing at him. I would thrown something in those circumstances. I think it's a shame nobody offered to help him clear up as soon as the beer got spillt.

I am sorry your plate got broken but if everyone else had behaved better and had a bit more emotional intelligence this could all have been averted. You both need to say sorry.

rainydaysarebad · 13/05/2012 08:19

Stop drinking.

DollysDrawers · 13/05/2012 08:23

This is all a bit silly is it not? He sounds knackered and ratty and I'm sure didn't mean to break your plate. He's apologised and unless you want this to turn into something huge I would accept and move on. I'm sorry about your plate but it doesn't sound like it was vindictive.

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 13/05/2012 08:25

Stress, tiredness, beer, feeling like a fool in company... all ingredients for a childish strop I suppose. Not ideal about the plate of course - if he broke it on purpose then no wonder you're angry, but it doesn't sound like he did, so..?

trice · 13/05/2012 08:26

If you like the pattern you can do an ebay search that alerts you when a similar plate comes up. It won't be the same sentimentally but that just means you can use it without worry.