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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shaking with rage...

55 replies

diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 13/05/2012 00:19

Because my 'd'p has just destroyed one of my belongings?

Got in from work an hour or so ago and DP has 2 friends round, both I know and like. DP has done a 14 hour day split between 2 jobs so is knackered. He spilled a beer on the kitchen floor, his mates were ribbing him. I laughed and he turned to me, threw the bottle opener into the sink (with force) and smashed a plate. His friends went quiet and just stared around awkwardly while he cleaned the beer. I challenged him about it and he ignored me

The plate was the last of a set my mum and dad had as a wedding present nearly 30 years ago. It was only a cheap one but I love the pattern and it's just one of things that are a bit special to me.

I left them to it and went to bed but I'm so angry and sad that he's smashed up something dear to me and humiliated me in front of his friends :(

OP posts:
DPrince · 13/05/2012 08:29

Shaking with anger? Really? He felt like a twat, threw the bottle opener in the sink and a plate got broken. He apologised. By text is a bit rubbish, but you had gone to bed. You have already stated other factors that account for him getting mad. Not really sure why it seems such a big deal to so many people. He wasn't going to acknowledge you because he was still mad if he had responded it may have made it worse.

differentnameforthis · 13/05/2012 09:10

with the intention of breaking a plate

How do we know he intended to break the plate?

HandMini · 13/05/2012 09:21

No big deal, tho hes more in the wrong than you are He was a bit stroppy and silly. You wound him up a bit. A plate got broken. When he saw what plate it was, he should have apologised. From what you tell us, it doesn't sound like he intentionally broke the plate.

Really nice idea whoever linked the broken china pendant - I've got some teacups of my Grandmas that are slowly getting broken....fact of life if you use them as we do, and I will make sure I keep that link for future reference!

ifeellove · 13/05/2012 10:47

I think you have to put the broken down to tiredness, drink and being a bit of a knob in company. Childish and a bit depressing but not unheard of. The real test will be how he deals with the aftermath of this - you deserve a proper apologies and explanation of why he did it.

ErikNorseman · 13/05/2012 10:51

It's a shame the plate got broken. That's all I can say about this.

echt · 13/05/2012 10:59

How did the OP "wind him up a bit"? DH and mates all had a few.His mates were laughing at the beer spill. She laughed, too. So far so equal.

Oh fuck. Wife laughing not OK. Mates laughing OK.

The plate breaking an accident, but he didn't lob the bottle opener at his mates, did he? He was pissed, but took it out on the OP, not his mates.

Asking for it was she?

I'd have his nadgers for ollies. Twat.

ragged · 13/05/2012 11:07

Oafish behaviour, but If the plate was that special it shouldn't be out for general use.

usualsuspect · 13/05/2012 11:10

Soumds like just one of those things that happens he had a mini strop because you were all taking the piss out of him. Shame about the plate but I don't think its a big deal

bejeezus · 13/05/2012 11:14

I completely get the plate thing OP i have stuff like that. stuff that is not valuable enough to lock away, that has sentimental value in its usage as much as its being. not having it in everyday use misses the point. when my grandma died i inherited 2 saucepans and a kitchen knive with a handle for arthritic hands Shock my stbxh managed to melt the handle of both my pans. By accident of course, but still very upsetting

DPrince · 13/05/2012 11:39

He didn't throw the bottle opener at the op either. He threw it in the sink.

ragged · 13/05/2012 11:58

DC broke a nice bowl my mother made (deceased, she was a potter, every piece individually inscribed). I left it out for general use, I had to accept it wouldn't last forever.
Now all her bowls+plates are stored away until I'm old & doddery & can break them myself :).

TheMonster · 13/05/2012 12:00

See, this is why I don't want DP to have a stupid mate around to watch the football this afternoon.

echt · 13/05/2012 12:02

He's still a twat.

empirestateofmind · 13/05/2012 12:58

If my DH ever laughed at me when I dropped or spilt something I would think he was being very childish. Sorry OP I think you were the one in the wrong for winding up a tired man in front of his friends.

complexnumber · 13/05/2012 13:21

Are you still shaking with rage? I hope not.

He was tired,
he wanted to relax with beer and mates,
he spilt beer and felt a bit clumsy,
he was laughed at and felt a bit humiliated.
he threw the bottle opener into the sink to release some frustration,
he smashed a plate unintentionally and felt even more humiliated
he was cleaning spilt beer off the floor with everyone watching him and you challenge him,
he feels completely crap and miserable and can't come up with a response.

You are shaking with rage.

(and he has since apologised)

ShutUpMeg · 13/05/2012 13:24

He sounds like a nobhead.

oopsi · 13/05/2012 13:31

it was an accident, give the poor fella a break! You shouldn't have 'challenged' him in front of his friends.

PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 13:37

"sorry it wasn't your fault, sleep well."

Im confused by that. What wasn't your fault? The broken plate? Well of course it wasn't!

balia · 13/05/2012 13:44

His loss of temper wasn't her fault, I think. It's a manapology.

I don't think he can have broken it on purpose if he wasn't even looking where he was throwing (OP said he was looking at her).

usualsuspect · 13/05/2012 15:16

I would have called him a twat , but then got over it.

CremeEggThief · 13/05/2012 17:01

Sorry to hear that something precious to you was broken, but it sounds as if it wasn't deliberate. That said, he over-reacted when you laughed, so he did need to apologise for that, anyway.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 13/05/2012 17:10

I can see why you are so upset :(

I would be upset and angry as well. For me, just how angry & upset would depend on whether he knew the plate was in the sink or not... if he did & broke it deliberately then it would actually be something I'd consider leaving him over, if he was just throwing it in the sink in temper, not knowing the plate was in there, I'd be upset it was broken, but not angry/upset with him.

I'd also be telling him that if he can't cope with life as it is then he shouldn't be having people around and having late nights - to get more sleep because taking his temper out on me is not acceptable.

CupOfBrownJoy · 13/05/2012 17:13

One of those things. People throw strops. Stuff sometimes gets accidentally broken. Yeah, its annoying buy hey ho...

But you should probably Leave Him (TM) anyway Smile

CupOfBrownJoy · 13/05/2012 17:14

but

Earlybird · 13/05/2012 17:19

OP - presumably he is working 3 jobs to provide for the family? I'm sure he is beyond knackered. Doesn't excuse him breaking a plate, but seems clear it was an impulsive expression of frustration, and breaking the plate was unintentional.

Are you able to do anything (more) to help out the family finances, and ease the pressure on him?