Am I being unreasonable to be cross and upset about this?
About 3 years ago my DH ran up a large amount of credit card debt, it was around 5k. The minimum payments were taking us into our overdraft every month and so we were in debt with that too. We ended up doing a consolidation loan through our bank and have got sorted and been ok financially since then.
Then a few month ago a credit card statement came addressed to DH which I opened and saw he had run up yet another credit card debt, this time of around £2k. He has always been very vague about it and has never as such told me how it was run up, although he is happy enough every month to have the minimum payment for it coming out of our joint account! He has an expensive hobby so I'm assuming he ran the bill up paying for equipment for it and doing the hobby itself.
Everything has been fine since then financially, however I have just this moment looked at our online banking and seen that the past month he has been taking up to £50 out in cash from our bank account every 4 or 5 days. He has also transferred money over from our savings account to the current account, without telling me, presumably so I won't notice the shortfall of money, although our account is far lower than I would expect it to be at this time of the month, as we still have just under 2 weeks to go until DH's payday. He is currently away with work and won't be back until Tuesday so I can't discuss it with him until then. I then checked our account out of which all our bills come (mortgage, insurances, that kind of thing) as we have a standing order going in to there once a month to keep it all separate and organised and that is overdrawn to the max, so he has been dipping into there too.
I really don't feel like he's doing anything sinister with the money, I think he is just bad with money, but he'll never discuss it with me. He seems to take care of his needs first, ie buying anything he wants, before considering if there is enough left for our DCs and I. He also won't budget or compromise, for example he won't take a packed lunch to work when he's not working away and will spend up to £10 on lunch per day. He has a rather expensive hobby as I mentioned before, very much a keeping up with the Jones' type hobby. If he wants something he buys it.
I am the opposite and am careful with money, but then I feel I get walked over and go without. I am a SAHM as our youngest child is 2, but I have my own account into which maintenance for my eldest child and child benefit is paid and I use this for all child related expenses and I still have managed to save a fair bit of money in it over the past 2 years. The only thing is, he thinks he can spend whatever we have in the joint account as he pleases and then starts wanting to spend the money I've saved up, which thankfully he has no access to.
I just do not know what to do about his spending. He won't rein himself in. I am planning on going back to work at some point in the next couple of years, it's very difficult though as DH works away a lot and works long hours, and I wouldn't earn enough to cover childcare for all our DCs if I worked now. I would like a bit of financial independence though. He doesn't restrict my spending but I just would not spend money that isn't there, I'm not like that and I prefer to save for things but he will never save for things he just buys them. If we save, he finds a use for the money whenever we have £1k or so built up in there. And if I get any money for myself, for example for Christmas, he tries to get me to spend it on things we need rather than on myself.