AIBU to have given up on this friend?

[PurpleSequinSparkles]

I'm not a mother, but the friend I'm describing has told me several times to ask other mothers to help me understand what she's going through. So I hope you can advise.

My friend has been a friend for over 15 years and help me a lot through personal issues of mine and she used to be the most fantastic supportive person. Five years ago she got married, had two little boys and was diagnosed with cancer. She became very angry and wouldn't talk to me about it, and when she did she was always very shouty at me, as though it was my fault she was ill.

She's always had me to stay for Christmas and Easter and my birthdays but last birthday she was very unpleasant to me when I came - she said she was very tired and in a lot of pain, but it massively upset me.

I rang her a few weeks later to ask her if I could come and stay again, and she told me that she was about to have more surgery (I don't know what - she hasn't told me) and that I could come and stay only if I was prepared to do all the housework. I told her that I didn't want to because I don't like her anger and because she never does anything for me. She shouted at me that I was being selfish.

So after my friend had had the surgery I told her that I don't want to know her any more. She said she doesn't want to discuss it until she's feeling better.

AIBU to have given up on her?

Is she BU to refuse to discuss it until she feels better?

Breastmilk, if you are the OP, I understand why you are angry and upset. Please come clean if you are the op, so the flaming can stop.

Thanks jugs. yes I remember this too.

Is it you breastmilk?

I was wondering if this was linked to the previous thread....

Breastmilk has a heart condition though doesnt she - not Cancer?

I knew i had read the other side of this, thanks for linking. Breastmilk, this has to be you? Otherwise it is the weirdest cooincidence ever!

Yes, it's me. I was the OP. I'm wholeheartedly sorry to everyone I have upset or deceived.

And my attempt to cover my tracks by telling you that I've got cancer (I have a heart condition) was crap... I'm sorry.

But if it's any mitigation at all (and I accept, it probably isn't) I posted not to fuel or to justify my anger but simply to understand my friend's perspective as she describes it to me.

I'm sorry.

oh dear :(

it shows a lot about trying to understand your friends POV, but you have had it fairly unianimous on 3 threads that she is not being a friend to you.

You can only give so much, and the the other person has to give a little back.

YANBU to cut the friendship.

What if it's not Breastmilk but the other person? You've just linked her to the other thread.

Poor you for feeling so hurt by this so called friend

I remember the reverse thread and was wondering if they were linked.

Breastmilk you need to get rid of this toxic person. We're 3 weeks on and she's still not getting that you need rest and to chill and support. It seems to be one sided and as long as you continue to indulge her with her being centre of attention then she will treat you this way.

Take the advice from the last few threads and cease contact and concentrate on yourself.

You deserve much better - this woman is no friend to you and sounds completely self centred.

Breastmilk, well then in that case, your friend is a selfish idiot. YANBU.

Please stop worrying about your 'friend'.

OP this woman is not a friend to you. You really are better off without her in your life.

Breastmilk, honestly, dont try and understand her logic, she is unbelievably selfish. Maybe she doesnt realise how selfish, but it isnt your job to spell it out for her, some people are just like that.

Concentrate on getting better :)

Thank you for being so generous.

I'm usually honest online. I really don't like what I've just done.

I will take the advice offered...

good on you for coming clean and you must feel so hurt by your so called friend but true friendship is give and take and seems like you are doing all the giving,breastmilk when truly at this time in your life you need and deserve some receiving. I do hope you have some support and loyal friendship from other people. Lots of love and hugs xxxxxx

She's self-absorbed, that's her perspective. You exist only to serve her needs. She's awful, and the last person you need in your life when you're so ill.

You sound lovely, and really you're making excuses for her. Just be honest with yourself - you know who she is and what she wants. It's very sad when we finally admit to ourselves that our friends are bad for us, but you have to let her go, for your own good.

OP, I'm sorry this woman is not being a friend to you. It mus be really hurtful for you.

Cut your losses and spend time with people who want to be there for you.

Breastmilk even doing it this way, you will not get comments on your friend's perspective as you are not describing the situation exactly as she would. Your hurt and anger came across, which your friend must not appreciate.

I remember your original thread, don't torture yourself doing reverse AIBUs, you have plenty of support here being your honest self.

Breastmilk, it says a lot about you that you cannot walk away from this 'friend' without doing everything in your power to understand her. But really, you are wasting your time. Didn't a psychologist friend/family member tell you she was a narcissist? That's really all you need to know. She will never change, and she is only interested in you serving her needs and wants, not in you.

Conserve your energy and waste no more of it on her.

It must be so upsetting and hurtful that she is so selfish. When you need a friend, you turn to longstanding friends, you dont expect them to behave like she does. It is a betrayal of long standing friendship, and trust. Awful to find out how little you mean to her.

You have to be joking??

Your friend is fighting a life threatening illness an has 2 small children that I bet she's petrified for and all you care about is yourself!! Okay of she was aggressive that's abit unfair but if you was any kind of friend you would take it on the chin and realise her head is probly all over the place right now and she is confused/scared. I can't believe you actually said im not coming because I dont want to do your house work and you don't do anything for me! You are completely selfish!!! She is ill for god sake! You should be offering to do anything you can to help her not thinking about yourself! I think your friend would be soo much better off without someone like you in her life!