AIBU to have given up on this friend?

[PurpleSequinSparkles]

I'm not a mother, but the friend I'm describing has told me several times to ask other mothers to help me understand what she's going through. So I hope you can advise.

My friend has been a friend for over 15 years and help me a lot through personal issues of mine and she used to be the most fantastic supportive person. Five years ago she got married, had two little boys and was diagnosed with cancer. She became very angry and wouldn't talk to me about it, and when she did she was always very shouty at me, as though it was my fault she was ill.

She's always had me to stay for Christmas and Easter and my birthdays but last birthday she was very unpleasant to me when I came - she said she was very tired and in a lot of pain, but it massively upset me.

I rang her a few weeks later to ask her if I could come and stay again, and she told me that she was about to have more surgery (I don't know what - she hasn't told me) and that I could come and stay only if I was prepared to do all the housework. I told her that I didn't want to because I don't like her anger and because she never does anything for me. She shouted at me that I was being selfish.

So after my friend had had the surgery I told her that I don't want to know her any more. She said she doesn't want to discuss it until she's feeling better.

AIBU to have given up on her?

Is she BU to refuse to discuss it until she feels better?

I call reverse AIBU too, if it's not, please do cut your friend out of your life immediately, because she would be infinitely better off without you.

Wow. You must be making this up, if not you are very immature and selfish and odd

Do your 'friend' a favour and leave her alone.

Definitely reverse, I read it too.

heavens to betsy

This was a thread recently from the friend with cancers POV. I remember it well.

If you are in fact the person in the OP, YABU.

If you are writing a reverse AIBU, YABU.

This is a 'reverse'! I rememebr reading the other side a few weeks ago, where the OP was sick, had surgery, and was appalled at her 'friend's grasping attitude.

Please leave this poor woman to rely on other grown up friends.

You sound like a spoilt needy childish cow who was quite happy to take help from your friend but not able or prepared to give it back.

You have no kids yourself do why arnt u stopping with your friend and doing her shopping, cooking, helping with her kids.

A friend in need is a bloody nuicence aye love??

Shame on u.

I really hate reverse AIBUS with a vengeance. It is wasting peoples time, tricking them with a story from a perspective they cannot possibly have.

Er, yeah YABU. She should be giving up on you!

I remember reading the other side to this as well

Anyone got a link to the other thread?

This doesn't ring true to me, it is surely a reverse? If not then yes you are being very unresonable and your friend is lucky you have given up on her.

Oh yes ditch her, she sounds awful.
Make her do the housework when she gets home from her cancer operation. How dare she ask you to help.

If this is a reverse, it is very strange because "five years ago she got married, had two little boys and was diagnosed with cancer". How exactly did all this happen? Did she go to the church and get married, have twins the day after and while she was in hospital get the diagnosis? It is very unusual for a person to tell their own story in such a slap dash way - if they aren't twins the age gap matters, if they are, then that matters too, and how old the children were when the cancer came, etc

Come on OP, give us the real skinny.

I hope to God this is a reverse AIBU!

Or a troll who picked up the story some of you remember.

What have you ever done for her, OP?

I remember the other side of this.

Can anyone link to the other thread please?

Your friend has a possibly life-threatening illness involving unpleasant and painful treatment. She has more important and immediate concerns than you and her relationship with you.

You describe her as supportive of you in the past. Well, right now she could do with some support. Are you friend enough to offer that? Or is friendship a one-way street to you?

Look at this statement you made - read it carefully -
"She's always had me to stay for Christmas and Easter and my birthdays but last birthday she was very unpleasant to me when I came - she said she was very tired and in a lot of pain, but it massively upset me."
She said she was very tired and in a lot of pain. How did you react to this information? Did you do anything to help her - or did you expect her to play the host regardless? Why did it upset you - because your friend was in pain, or because you were not the centre of attention? And I note that she has you to stay at times (Christmas and Easter) which most people with young children restrict to immediate family; yet she invites you to join them. Do you genuinely not see how nice that is of your friend? Yet something in the way you have phrased it suggests to me that rather than express gratitude to her, you demonstrate a sense of entitlement instead.

Lest you still be confused, let me spell it out - yes, you are being very unreasonable towards your friend. You are being selfish and unhelpful at a time when she needs help and support.

I remember the other side too.

She has CANCER and you think she doesn't do anything for you! You truly can't be that selfish and self absorbed can you? Can you?

This has to be a reverse AIBU, I feel very sorry for your friend.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1456415-to-not-want-to-get-back-in-touch-with-this-friend