i feel angry with DD (2.11) (and myself) for potty training failures

[MistyRocks]

she is 3 at the end of the month. she is very articulate, speaks and understands very well, she is well behaved, can hold full conversations, she can pull her trousers up and down and take her nappies off. she also knows when she is weeing or pooing and has done for at least a year. so she generally seems very ready and able for potty training.

she is obsessed with nappies, she LOVES them. she baulks at any idea of using the toilet or potty but she has had proper pants for months which she wears over her nappies.

i first tried her about 6 months ago but failed miserably. but this morning i just thought, sod it, lets just go for it. and i said to her "DD you are going to just wear your pants today, no nappy". and to my amazement she seemed happy with this. i told her if she needed a wee or a poo to use the potty. i was very casual about it, didn;t want to put her under pressure, but said she could have a chocolate button if she did something on the potty.

well she was dry for about an hour and a half. i sat her on the potty a few times but nothing. she then stood there and wee'd herself. while announcing, i am weeing mummy. she KNEW she needed to go. so why could she not do it on the potty ffs. and then she kept demanding a chocolate button "because i wee'd mummy" and then threw a huge tantrum when i explained it was meant to be on the potty and didn't let her have one.

and now i feel i have failed because once i had cleaned her up i just put a pull up back on her :( and i feel angry with her and i know i shouldn't.

i have an older DC too and he trained quickly and easily at around 2.6. i did it ALL myself and he was dead easy. and fucking mil and my mum keep going on about how she "should be using the toilet now" I KNOW THAT FFS

I have a magic trick OP, for potty training a DC with an older sibling.

Get the older child involved. I found this out by accident when I promised DS2 an M&M for every wee or poo on the loo (don't get the idea behind potties, I want to be able to flush it without having to handle it first!). In order to be fair, older DS would get an M&M too every time DS2 got one.

So DS1 potty trained DS2 , he would take his little brother regularly to the loo and tell him to sit down "Come on, you can do it!" . He coached him

cost me 1 or 2 bags of M&Ms. Also DS2 accepted instruction from his older brother, whom he adores, much easier.

It also helped to just accept there will be loads of accidents, to tell her it's fine, clean up and put clean pants on. Buy an extra bag of cheapest pants you can find, so if it is a serious poo accident, you can just chuck the pants in the bin.

You have to give it time though, and just carry dry clothes around for a bit.

try to stress a bit less, she could be trained in a few weeks.

No two kids are the same. I'm of the opinion that your DD's not quite ready yet. Don't push her or you'll have even more problems. As for not giving her a chocolate button, I think that's a bit mean. She's only a baby and has told you that she did a wee, to a not-quite-three-year-old, that's perfect logic.

Leave it a few weeks and then try again and ignore what your mum and MIL say.

She is used to nappies and doesn't fancy a change.

DD1 was like the OP's DD. Physially she was very ready at about 2 1/2. She knew when she needed a wee/poo and could wait. She was good at using the potty at bathtime. She just didn't want to be nappy free. No amount of bribery, nice knickers and "you're a big girl now" would change her mind.

Every couple of weeks I'd ask her if she wanted to wear knickers. Sometimes she'd have a day or two dry but then would just wee anywhere so we'd give up. Most of the time she'd say no. Then 1 week before her birtday she asked to wear knickers and has been dry day and night since. There have been a few accidents, but probably less than 10 in 2 months.

All very different from DS, who needed "training" just after 3. He wanted to do it, but physically couldn't tell what was happening. Day 1, lots of wees. Day 2, a few less wees etc. At 5, he still comes home with damp pants some days and isn't dry at night.

So either you go down the "training" route where you have to clean up wees and have patience with accidents, or you wait until your DD is ready (but you still need patience with accidents, there will just probably be less of them.)

I found that giving rewards just for trying was very helpful. We set a timer for about 2 minutes and got dd2 to sit on the potty or toilet then she got a sweet.

OP your child will do it when they are good and ready.
I don't recall being asked in any of my university interviews how old I was when I used a potty.
It's not a competition.
What works for one child might not work for another.
Suck it up, laugh it off and tell interfering busy bodies to do the same!!
All this will pass...

Well giving up after her first wee isn't going to do much. Keep at it