AIBU to Word the Invitations Thus.... (Children-at-Wedding Related)

[ViviPru]

Woohoo! My first My-Wedding-Related AIBU.

So what would you make of an all-day wedding invitation you received which read:

Children

Due to capacity restrictions in the barn, we are regretfully unable to accommodate all of our friends' children at our wedding (other than babes-in-arms.) Please note, our nieces, nephews and godchildren will be attending.

We have not planned for additional guests to join us for an evening reception per-se, however if it better suits your childcare arrangements, you are welcome to join us instead from 8pm for cheese and revelry. If this would work for you, please let us know in your RSVP.

(NB, none of our friends have or are due a babe-in-arms as well as another child so we wouldn't be splitting any siblings)

Now we've got the wording sortedViviPru, tell us all about what you're planning

I think your wording is just right. I think the worst thing is to overthink it.

My sister overthought her wedding to the nth degree, and wrote a simply ghastly poem which went into the invites, stressing that it was a child-free wedding evening do (to stop a 16yr old cousin coming), and noting that they didn't want gifts, just cash.

My 3 little DD's were flower girls, and they were the only kiddies there (all thier friends were childless then), so why the poem? Plus she tried to get me to pay a very posh nanny service to have them for the day (single mum, very thoughtful of her...perhaps not). Still grumpy about it, me?

Oh, and congratulations. I've lurked on some of your threads, and wish you all the best.

Oh really Trebles? You want me to tell you? Oh I couldn't possibly bore you all...

OH IF YOU INSIST

We're taking over a local farm for the weekend. Not a barn wedding venue, a working livestock farm just outside our village

Starting with either having a quick register office legal ceremony at county hall with just our neighbours as witnesses then the (very rustic needs a lot of work) barn at the farm where the local hunt have drunken shindigs will hold our celebrant led (possibly humanist) ceremony. I'm currently working on getting the barn licensed for civil ceremonies, which may or may not be fruitful.

My Basset hound will be in attendance, along with my two Brushers (Bridesmen really, but they prefer the term Brushers) and the guests will sit on Ikea-clad haybales under bunting knitted by my Mum and woollen pom pom garlands made my my girlfriends. I'm planning on playing several of my guest's own down-the-aisle or first dance songs before I arrive, unbeknownst to them. I'm intent on getting some weeping going. My niece and goddaughters will scatter daffodils and bluebells from our garden before I rock up with my Dad and come down the aisle to Feist. We're not going to have any beardy-weirdyness with the vows. It will be an oasis of traditional amid a sea of unconventional. My best woman will read Dr. Seuss and my Mum has a Secret Reading planned. My niece and nephew will perform better together. The basset will probably howl.

We're then going to eat blinis, play garden games and drink my Brusher's nana's Elderflower rocket fuel wine and my BiL's home-brewed cider. Photos will be unobtrusive. No hours on end for posed shots.

Then into the tent for a hoggit roast of the brusher's Dad's lamb and salads prepared by all my girlfriends. Lemon and white chocolate cake (I'm making) and berries for pudding. Speeches (which won't be boring or obscure as we've known everyone at the wedding for years and most of them know eachother) then more garden games and more home brew before back into the barn (probs be freezing in the tent by then in May) and dancing to funk-soul-disco floor fillers and later, house classics.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

P.s. Thanks knitting, fancy joining the bunting committee?

You are being very accommodating :)

Thank you Trills. Invite's in the post.

Oh I forgot the cheese in that schedule. There will be cheese. Probably after the funk-soul-disco but before the Beyonce medley....

And there may or may not be an owl. Or two

Your wedding sounds awesome.

I also like the wording very much.

We have now twice received invitations which did not have our children listed, gone to huge effort to arrange childcare, and then had the wedding couple upset the kids weren't there!

So much better for everyone if you are explicit.

I can absolutely help with the bunting!

Your plans sound really great. Proper fun - not a nasty 'plastic' wedding.

Thanks! I just want it to be relaxed and fun and inclusive - hence getting my knickers in a twist over the wording of the invites...

Just to add (and you've had excellent advice so far!) don't back yourself into a corner re 'no evening only invites' - because weddings bring out the worst in a lot of people, and you might find you are expected to find space for parent's friends, or people from work or other randoms that you don't really want there but for the sake of family harmony, bung them an evening invite. You might not be in this situation, but if you do find youself such, you don't want to feel you can't have the "evening only" compromise on the table.

You can decide now with your DH you won't have 'tier 2 people' and still change your mind later.

Elderflower wine and homemade cider sounds both awesome and lethal. :o

Yes Trills. I have already checked the farm is accessible to the emergency services....

I think you need to talk to the couple to ask for clarification - so you know what arrangements to make.

Doh! Sorry my cold has totally fogged my brain up. I thought you had received the invite not written it. I'll stop talking now!

Your wedding sounds wonderful - congratulations!

I know you have covered this, but is there really, really no way you could talk about this with the people involved? If you are sending invitations, there must be a way of contacting them, even if its by letter.

If you did, you could just leave the whole wording off the invitations...

Now I want to eat cheese.

Your wedding is going to be amazing

Your wedding sounds like brilliant fun Vivi. I think I know the farm, having got pissed socialised with the hunt. It should be lovely and warm in May

I'm thinking you're already doing this, but are you by any chance having a cheese 'cake'? y'know, big wheel of sommat yummy, with a medium wheel of sommat even yummier on top of cake pillars on top, and little yummiest one on the top of THAT!

say you are!

*Oh really Trebles? You want me to tell you? Oh I couldn't possibly bore you all...

OH IF YOU INSIST*

Ha, really Trebles?! Its the one with the steer horns on the beams and rather gnarly looking fox head on the wall - He will be pom-pomed up a treat

Cheese cake it will be, abit, I know its been done but everyone expects a cheeseboard when they visit us so it's in keeping... We'll be getting wheels of Sparkenhoe Red, Colston Basset and Charnwood Smoked (with a Snowdonia Black Bomber on top - we're Welshophiles) We'll probably have Melton Mowbray pork pies too. Any other suggestions for East Midlands cheeses are welcome :)