AIBU to Word the Invitations Thus.... (Children-at-Wedding Related)

[ViviPru]

Woohoo! My first My-Wedding-Related AIBU.

So what would you make of an all-day wedding invitation you received which read:

Children

Due to capacity restrictions in the barn, we are regretfully unable to accommodate all of our friends' children at our wedding (other than babes-in-arms.) Please note, our nieces, nephews and godchildren will be attending.

We have not planned for additional guests to join us for an evening reception per-se, however if it better suits your childcare arrangements, you are welcome to join us instead from 8pm for cheese and revelry. If this would work for you, please let us know in your RSVP.

(NB, none of our friends have or are due a babe-in-arms as well as another child so we wouldn't be splitting any siblings)

No. Just cheese. I'm not made of money you know.

M-kay. So....

We have not planned for additional guests to join us for an evening reception, however if it better suits your childcare arrangements, you are welcome to join us instead from 8pm for cheese and revelry (with or without your children). If this would work for you, please let us know in your RSVP.

How many people do you think this is likely to affect? Old it not be easier just to tell them this?

thanks CC & AIBU jury. Always can be relied upon for honest constructive advice :)

Well Wips, that's actually an interesting question.

It is most likely to effect DH-to-be's swathe of Uni friends who are lovely but we rarely see any more. While I'm friendly with the wives, I'm not on call-for-a-chat terms with them so its possible that it wouldn't come up casually before the wedding.

I read it as though you understand if people can only make it to the evening reception and that they could bring their children if necessary.

All good. Although you won't mind if I suggest you un-hyphenate "per se"?

I think in general it's fine. I wouldn't list every child that will be there though, I will dig out an invite for a wedding we're going to in the summer as the invite worded it really well. Something along the lines of "due to space restrictions, we are only able to invite children of close family members. We hope you understand." it was even better worded than that though, will try and find it in a bit.

How about:

If you must bring your children, kindly bear in mind that there will be nothing but cheese to eat and plan accordingly.

My last post reads rather sexist... I'm not suggesting that men are incapable of discussing childcare at weddings between them, only DH-to-be is more of a laissez-fair 'oh just let everyone come' mind (even though it is not possible) and his male uni friends would all leap at the chance of a day getting pissed without the kids in tow, so it's really something that needs to be led by the women in this instance.

Three I understand your reasoning, but our 3 godchildren are not children of close family members, rather closest friends, two of whom are in the bridal party. I just want to avoid a situation where people are told as friends they can't bring children, only to see children there who we are unrelated to (i.e. godchildren) I think to say 'nieces, nephews and godchildren' is specific yet concise enough.

If you must bring your children, kindly bear in mind that there will be nothing but cheese to eat so people may get hungry and turn to cannibalism so plan accordingly.

I think it's fine and would book the baby sitter and look forward to a night out with out my DC's.

I also think it's well worded to explain niece's, nephew's and god children. If you were to write a generic term like close or special children if implies other children aren't close or special. Whereas keeping it as you have can cause no offence.

Fair enough, see your point re listing children in that case.

Hope it is a fab day for you all :-)

Thanks, HC, that was my thinking.

Thanks also, Three :)

From what I understand, it is considered good etiquette to broach this topic over the phone/in person with those affected.

Sounds fine to me. DH and I have just been invited to a wedding without our dcs. It's fine because my parents aren't invited as they don't know the bride and groom and they can babysit.
However, we were invited to a wedding which all my family were attending (DH has no parents and his bro and sil were invited too) and ds1 (15 weeks at the time)) was not invited. It was a right pain as we had literally no one to babysit. In the end my aunty ended up babysitting and just going to the evening (I was bridesmaid, DH was an usher). It was such a pain and we couldn't really enjoy the day as I was still a bit pfb!
Don't really know why I shared all of that!

It actually reads as though you are trying hard to accommodate everyone bearing in mind capacity restrictions and also reads like you would be approachable if anyone had a specific problem.

Sorry Three I also really can't bear the phrase "we hope you understand" on an invite, it's so negative and comes over as a little patronising. Much better to write the facts and a positive solution as OP has.

splashy I've adressed that in another post.

I was considering an addition to the first paragraph which read:

"If this is likely to be problematic for you please let us know and we will try and find a way to accommodate your children"

But I decided that that is just an unnecessary step too far, and the reality is, I don't feel obliged to invite children who we have at best met once, when my suspicion is that the majority of parents would ideally prefer to attend an evening reception without them anyway.

^^That should read "the majority of these particular parents" - I'm not generalising, just bearing in mind the individuals concerned

I wouldn't bother saying you hadn't planned on evening invites. I'd just say you'd be welcome to join us from 8. Reads too much like you'd be doing them a massive favour letting them just come for the evening.

I'd probably also specify what a babe in arms is, but only because I'd be wondering if DS (10 months) counted i.e. he wouldn't need a meal, but he would need a high chair.

Agree Op

Hmm, that's interesting Mainly. I mean it to read that we're not having a two-tier wedding with a whole load more people coming for an 'evening do' but if it would suit people better to just come for the evening, then that's cool. I will have a think about how to word that.

And that's a good point about not-quite babes-in-arms. I think it will be easier to manage this in person on a friend-by-friend basis. I think all our friends kids will either be well into toddlerhood and beyond by then or definite b-i-a (two newborns expected, all being well!)

I don't want to overthink it, but equally, I really want everyone to feel included and accommodated to our best capabilities.