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Original poster

Toy featuring disabled child

139 replies

CliveH27 · 09/05/2012 22:18

I have just had an almighty row with my wife over this subject, and would be grateful for opinions please. Bear in mind that my wife comes from a country where disabled people are only just starting to be accepted into mainstream society. She has lived in the UK for 8 years, and we have a three year-old daughter.

The row erupted earlier today when my mother bought something for our daughter. It was a set of figurines (my daughter loves making up stories), and one of the figurines is in a wheelchair. As far as I am concerned, this is perfectly normal, but my wife has been unable to accept it. Although she accepts that our daughter will mix with a full spectrum of children as she goes through school, and claims she will have no difficulty with that, she looks upon these figurines as having been made for disabled children to play with, whereas I see them as being for all children to play with, partly as a way of helping them understand that children with disabilities are part of mainstream society.
Is there anyone on this list who can help me understand my wife's way of thinking?

OP posts:
2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:52

understanding??
wtf
anyone who thinks a disabled person is less of a person because they are disabled is a bigot.
that is understanding, I don't care where they come from.
even if it is under a bridge

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 09/05/2012 23:53

Stealth is it the Fisher Price Little People school bus?

Ours is red but it also comes in pink because girls can't play with a red bus oh no no and has a bus drive and three children on the bus. One is a little girl in a yellow coat, she has red hair and glasses and she's the figure shown using the wheelchair. You can just see it in the main picture of the link, although it's empty in that picture.

amistillsexy · 09/05/2012 23:55

I know, 2shoes. If it's true, and I have no reason to disbelieve the people who we were talking to, and they are more 'grass roots' than we currently are. They were asking me and a colleague to work with this group, to try and somehow change ther minds.

Reminds me of the OP and his 'cultural' wife. I am wondering if it's the same culture.

Not that it changes the fact that it's vile. Sad

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:58

Culture is an excuse
used often
look at the thread in the news topic,
it is sick and vile,
imo the Clive is a .....t.........

nailak · 10/05/2012 00:03

havent read thread, but presumably she thinks cbeebies is a channel for disabled kids aswell? what with Ceri and something special etc?

tazzle · 10/05/2012 00:04

A lot of people even in this country are afraid of and dont understand disbilities ( and its different fom bigotry . although of course that still exists))..... but it is changing through education and through inclusion. I KNOW we have a looong way to go still but anyone who can remember back even just a couple of generations ( like me) will tell of much harder times in past.

Our culture had moved on and is still moving ...... maybe she could move along too and we might be able to influence her . Well we could OP if we knew a little as to whether her culture has any bearing on her way of thinking. ...... but if you cant/ wont we cant Wink.

Of course it my be nothing to do with culture , it was just a thought.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 10/05/2012 00:08

I sat next to a woman on a craft day a few weeks ago who told me she was really angry about Something Special being on TV as it's unfair that theh programme is only for disabled children, and that it's not fair that her DD wouldn't be able to go on it. I didn't really know how to respond!

WorraLiberty · 10/05/2012 00:14

I think it's quite notable that the OP refuses to name his wife's country

Why? So we can't prove him wrong regarding the 'culture' perhaps?

Anyway I think the whole thing is a pile of shite to be honest.

tazzle · 10/05/2012 00:25

2shoes I am not trying to defend an attitude that anyone with a disability is any less of a person because of it... or any culture that does so ....just perhaps that if we are aware of the reason as to why a person might feel the way they do we might be better equipped to challenge the perception in a way the person understands.

I am trying to think of a relevant scenario atm but very very tired and should be in bed . I can think of a few to do with religion and genratioanl differences ....... think my brain cells giving up now. MIght hoink better in morning/

however with op wife.... maybe she meant ( and looking carefully how the post was written) that the doll in wheelchair had been made so that disabled children did not have to feel excluded because all the toys she had even seen were able bodied and therefore not all inclusive. ? Maybe thats what she meant when she said they were designed for disabled children.

I dont know.

tazzle · 10/05/2012 00:27

I mean think ......... not hoink Grin .. def off to bed now

MaryPorter · 10/05/2012 00:36

Nothing to do with culture IMO, plenty to do with lack of education and ignorance though. It's my culture to eat deep fried mars bars and wash them down with whisky, but I don't do that any more cos I've learned that it'll likely lead to heart disease.

BaronessBomburst · 10/05/2012 00:36

Happy Birthday 2shoes! Wine

I really can't add anything to this thread. It's very sad really.

BananasInBloomers · 10/05/2012 01:02

Thank you all for reminding me of that head wrecking bus with its rrrr rrrr red stop sign Grin

Clive,leave your missus,before you get old and infirm and she sticks you in some crappy home.

BananasInBloomers · 10/05/2012 01:03

Happy Birthday 2shoes btw.

2shoes · 10/05/2012 08:30

tazzle imo there is still no excuse, blaming it on culture is well a excuse.
at the end of the day
there is no excuse.

sashh · 10/05/2012 08:33

Maybe, just maybe, she thinks the toy is somehow mocking disabled people. Sort of like golliwogs.

I remeber as a child there being discussions on whether it was OK for a white child to have a black baby doll. Or a black child to have a white doll. Maybe it is something along these lines.

Anyway glad your child has the toy and hope she has many happy playtimes with it.

AutumnSummers · 10/05/2012 09:08

Your wife is outof order!

The ignorance and fear surrounding disability is disgusting. i have a disability and feel like a 2nd class citizen. Often, it's people simply not knowing how to react to me, which I have less patience for as the years go by. I'm learning more and more that the ignorance of others is more thier ishoo than mine!

Unfortunately, I still have to deal with the effects of ignorance. Often emotionally violent effects, rarely physical. It's made me rather jaded. I get quite bored of stretching a hand out to society only to have it slapped back time and again. To be snooty about it, I'm better than that.

Mrsjay · 10/05/2012 09:22

Did your wife come from a country where disabled children were put away in orphanges or seen as an embarassment to family ? personally i cant understand her P OV and i think you need to work on changing her opinion DIsabled people are not a blight or embarassment , their disabilioty is not catching and your wife needs to accept your child will be mising with all sorts of children

Mrsjay · 10/05/2012 09:24

sent to soon , I was once a disabled child and the ignorance i suffered all those years ago is damaging, as a disabled adult with my own children i would be horrified if people thought i was imperfect to be around their children , you HAVE TO change her opinion about this ,

crunchbag · 10/05/2012 09:39

I think your mum has done you a huge favour by buying this. Your wife's views on disability need to be tackled, not when dd starts school but now! You say she will be alright about dd mixing with a full spectrum of kids but do you really think she will? Or will she pretend whilst keeping your dd away from 'these people'? Your wife need educating and this toy is a good start.

FutureNannyOgg · 10/05/2012 09:40

When I was a kid I decided one of my lego men was disabled, I made him a wheelchair from a driving seat and a 2x2 wheelie brick. I think he was the dad of my lego family. I'm not disabled, I didn't know anyone who used a wheelchair, I just wanted a different "character" to play with.

PatronSaintOfDucks · 10/05/2012 09:41

Clive, it would really help to try to understand your wife's motivations. I doubt that she just does not like disabled people. Do you think she might be superstitious, thinking that the disability from this toy will somehow rub off on your DS? It sounds outlandish, but there is a lot of wacky superstition out there and people act upon it, not even necessarily consciously. Many people would also regard disability not as a normal state of life and being but as a disease, so they would be fearful of such toys. It would be like having a toy of a person with AIDS or syphilis. Yes, it's ok to be friends with sick people, but make toys of them? UK is waaaay ahead of most of the world in understanding disability, even though we may not see it this way ourselves and definitely have a far, far road to travel yet.

2shoes · 10/05/2012 10:41

wow do love the way people make excuse fo a bigot.
would you do the same if she was racist?

thatisall · 10/05/2012 10:53

I think a lot of people who are asking questions on here, aren't making excuses....just desperately want to know which country she is from so that they can confirm the extent of the bigotry

HecateTrivia · 10/05/2012 11:21

I don't think you should try to understand it. Understand it leads to excusing it leads to accepting it. What you should be doing is saying that it is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it. She doesn't HAVE to think this way. Does she have a brain? Is she incapable of looking at herself and her attitudes?

As the mother of children with disabilities, I find your wife's attitude inexcusable and I think the excuse that she lived in some other country until 8 years ago where they all treated people with disabilities like shit is astonishing.

My husband is Kenyan. Some people will tell you all manner of crap about attitudes to disability in Kenya. It's a pile of crap. There is nothing in a culture that means an individual is incapable of changing their attitude. There is nothing in a culture that means a person must be bigoted. People choose to be. They choose not to think and they choose not to challenge themselves and those around them. There is nothing about a culture that physically prevents someone from being a good person who respects all people equally and it annoys me (and my husband) when people jump on the culture bandwagon to attempt to excuse the inexcusable and to justify someone not changing. oh, do nothing, it's ok, it's your culture.

Well screw that.