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AIBU?

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Original poster

Toy featuring disabled child

139 replies

CliveH27 · 09/05/2012 22:18

I have just had an almighty row with my wife over this subject, and would be grateful for opinions please. Bear in mind that my wife comes from a country where disabled people are only just starting to be accepted into mainstream society. She has lived in the UK for 8 years, and we have a three year-old daughter.

The row erupted earlier today when my mother bought something for our daughter. It was a set of figurines (my daughter loves making up stories), and one of the figurines is in a wheelchair. As far as I am concerned, this is perfectly normal, but my wife has been unable to accept it. Although she accepts that our daughter will mix with a full spectrum of children as she goes through school, and claims she will have no difficulty with that, she looks upon these figurines as having been made for disabled children to play with, whereas I see them as being for all children to play with, partly as a way of helping them understand that children with disabilities are part of mainstream society.
Is there anyone on this list who can help me understand my wife's way of thinking?

OP posts:
Original poster
CliveH27 · 09/05/2012 23:06

Thank you tazzle - that is exactly my reason for asking this question. I have given up arguing with her - I have used all the reasons stated above, but still she cannot see my POV. If I can understand her POV, maybe I can see a way of bringing her round.
I would rather not say which country she comes from. I have been there many times, and I love the place and the people there. I know that the country has changed a lot over the past few years, but individual prejudices can sometimes take a lot longer.

OP posts:
amistillsexy · 09/05/2012 23:08

What would she do if one of your children was disabled, Clive? How would she feel then?

greenplastictrees · 09/05/2012 23:09

I can understand individual prejudices taking longer to change however they are wrong. You need to be very vocal about that in my opinion, both to your wife and most certainly in front of/to your little girl as she needs to understand that her mothers view on the matter is wrong. Prejudices are awful whether they Are about race, disability, religion, whatever...

5madthings · 09/05/2012 23:10

sorry for distracting from the OP with toy links Blush

anyway my children have them and they are just toys that represent life and tbh i cant understand your wifes viewpoint at all, so cant help there.

is she wanting to take the toy away?

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 23:11

Why don't you talk to people from her country about it then?

Google an internet forum popular with people from her country.

You're hardly going to get an understanding of her discrimination here...particularly if you're not even willing to say where she comes from.

Olympia2012 · 09/05/2012 23:13

Why did you marry her? Did she come off the Internet?

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:13

bollocks
come on
if someone posted that their wife didn't like dolls that looked like black children.... would anyone give them them the time of day....??
no way they would be told that their wife was a racist.
so Clive you wife is a bigot.

zzzzz · 09/05/2012 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatisall · 09/05/2012 23:15

olympia i kinda thought that but didn't type it :-S oops, just did

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:16

I wonder what a toy bigot would look like......

thatisall · 09/05/2012 23:16

2shoes Nick Griffin

blackeyedsusan · 09/05/2012 23:18

oh dear.

thatisall · 09/05/2012 23:19

just thinking op someone on this forum might be from the country where your wife was born, maybe they can help with some insight if that's what you want. If her discriminatory attitude comes from her 'culture' then nobody on her can really give advice unless they know what that culture is??

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:21

Culture.........
why do people use that as an excuse for being a bigot?

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 23:21

thatisall Just how many people do you think have been on the OP's wife? Shock Grin

NenNen · 09/05/2012 23:21

I'm with 2shoes, she sounds like a bigot. My son in disabled and I don't care what fucking culture your wife is from, disability exists in every society and children need to understand diversity! I hope you don't entertain this ridiculous notion that your child shouldn't encounter disabled people or toys depicting disability!

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:27

NenNen with you on this
a bigot is a bigot, dress it up as culture, but they are still a bigot

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 23:31

I agree

Too often as soon as the word 'culture' is mentioned...people tend to back off and not challenge or question some awful things for some reason.

Britain has a 'booze' culture but if I got pissed and smashed up the town center, I wouldn't expect people to accept that just because it's apparently part of my culture.

amistillsexy · 09/05/2012 23:33

I was doing some community engagement work the other day and was told that one sector of our community (as in, local to us, not British community in general) is very down on disability in general and many of them are (at risk of? possibly?) neglecting or even abusing their disabled children. Sad

The people who told us this named a very specific group.

droves · 09/05/2012 23:34

Op ...your wife sounds like a bigoted arse ...get a new wife .

Fuck her shitty attitude .

Disabled people are people just like everyone else . They have feelings and thoughts and hopes and dreams like everyone else .Fuck , actually no , they are just normal people, who have a disability. So toys with mobility aids , wheelchairs , eye patches , slings or whatever have a valid and important place in every child's toy box.

Perhaps if that happens , then shitty attitudes like your wife's will become as universally unexceptable as racism .

I hope you manage to educate her .

Be a good father and insist your dd gets to play with her lovely gift from her grandmother . ( btw your mum sounds fab )

2shoes · 09/05/2012 23:39

amistillsexy that makes those people vile bigots

droves · 09/05/2012 23:40

As for culture ,....it was the culture here in Britain to send small children up chimneys not that long ago..... Doesn't make it right . Or a valid excuse .

Culture can mean anything as long as its ingrained , generational habits ...

Being a decent human being who treats everyone as equal is more important than culture .

NenNen · 09/05/2012 23:43

Here here droves!

droves · 09/05/2012 23:46

Op ....I would point out to your wife that anyone at any point could become disabled through accident or illness .

tazzle · 09/05/2012 23:50

disabilty does of course exist in every country but I think that if we understand that in many countries those with disabilities are ostracised / hidden away, often feared etc then we might begin to see why a person from a country where this happens has "absorbed" an idea.

UNderstanding why someone feels the way they do is not the same as agreeing with them or condoning their actions. Understanding where someone is at often comes as the first step of getting proper communication going and maybe that person beginning also to understand our point of view.

Isnt that preferable to just assuming someone is a bigot ...

Nen nen ... the op is indeed saying his DC should have inclusive toys.

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