Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Kids Trashing House ... was I a tad harsh?

59 replies

MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 19:58

Cut a long story short. Friend and her kids came over today. House got trashed basically due to the boisterousness of the boys running about. My son is no angel at all, but does not deliberately climb all over everything and never ruins his bedroom. It's not the first time Ive seen this destructive behaviour in her kids, but I understand that they are boys so a bit more inclined to be on the more active side. They are lovely boys and I enjoy having them mostly.

I feel bad because previously before most of the place was in a real mess, I had said to my friend that she could stay over with the kids, we could give them all a bath and have a nice evening etc etc. When I went in and saw the state of my son's bedroom, I said to her that perhaps tonight wasnt such a good idea and that we should leave it for another night. I could tell she was a bit off, but I felt quite pissed off with the kids and mess at that point so didnt really know what else to say. WIU? What do you do if you have to put up with this from friends kids occasionally?

OP posts:
lolajane2009 · 09/05/2012 20:00

yanbu

LadySybilDeChocolate · 09/05/2012 20:01

Not unreasonable, she should control her children.

movingmay · 09/05/2012 20:01

Need more information on what you mean by trashed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/05/2012 20:01

YABU to stereotype boys as more active but apart from that YANBU. Sometimes kids egg each other on so maybe, although your DS doesn't normally act like that, he did this time. If the house is a mess, you don't have to have guests.

sparkle12mar08 · 09/05/2012 20:02

I don't put up with it. I'd tell the children that they'd better start behaving because we don't do that sort of thing in my house and if they did they'd have to leave. And I tell the mum too.

Callisto · 09/05/2012 20:02

So you invited her and her children around for a sleepover, knowing they were boisterous and messy and then told her she should take them home because they made a mess?

OMG you are so unreasonable and I would be suprised is your 'friend' still wants to be friends with you.

Notalone · 09/05/2012 20:03

YAB a little bit U. I can understand your frustration, I would have felt exactly the same. However it sounds like both boys were to blame as a result of getting over excited and in a way your friend has been indirectly punished for it, especially if she was really looking forward to it. I would have been more inclined to ask her to muck in with the tidying, bath time etc then both enjoyed a well deserved glass of wine or three!

claudedebussy · 09/05/2012 20:06

a bit ott. i think i would have made them all help you clean up the mess.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:06

callisto - get over yourself seriously. We all have friends who are a certain way, it doesnt mean we dont invite them places or include their kids Hmm

Yes in retrospect to the other posters, I think my ds may have egged on or been involved! lol. It's usually not this bad but today they just seemed a bit more boisterous than usual.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 09/05/2012 20:06

Need to know how you define "trashed" before I can judge. Whenever ds has a friend over to play virtually every toy ends up out of its box/crate and on the floor. That's normal and acceptable. Wilful damage, drawing on walls etc not acceptable.

If it was just messy YABU and I'm not surprised your friend was off.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:07

by trashed I mean : kids climbing in daughters cot, her cushions thrown on floor, toys everywhere, huge mess of toys basically.

OP posts:
imogengladheart · 09/05/2012 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chubfuddler · 09/05/2012 20:09

That's not trashed. Thats a mess. Kids make mess, particularly when over excited.

You tell them to help you tidy up and then settle them down to something quieter.

You were completely unreasonable. Poor friend.

maddening · 09/05/2012 20:10

I think you should have made all the children tidy up and if hers refused then asked her to enlist their help.

My mum's friend had 4 children who were renowned for messing up other people's homes and she did not discipline them - my mum was out in the village when they arrived once and my dad ran into the shop saying 'x is here, the children and destroying the house' he hadn't even parked the car - the kids pulled down curtains, climbed on tables - they were wild! But my mum still entertained her friend - not sure what I would have done...

horseygeorgie · 09/05/2012 20:10

How old are her children?

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:11

Interesting! Maybe I'm just a mess-hater control freak

Yes, I think I am being a bit unreasonable actually. Mess stresses me out and since I'm one of these neat freaks, it doesnt go down great with me if I want to put the kids to bed and chill without a load of tidying up. Next time I think I'll try to chill out a bit if I can.

OP posts:
movingmay · 09/05/2012 20:12

Thats just life, DCs make mess. Hmm I would have a long, hard think about this. I thinkYABVU and I wouldn't want to be your friend if you uninvited me and my children because there were toys on the floor. Shock

movingmay · 09/05/2012 20:12

x posted. Good for you, its only for one night anyway.

Coconutty · 09/05/2012 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:14

The kids tend to chew on things (aged 3 and 2 almost) and throw stuff but that's the extent of the damage really. Thanks for the perspectives. Will keep in mind next time...

OP posts:
GrossePopel · 09/05/2012 20:14

Toys everywhere is normal. You get them to tidy up afterwards. This is not 'trashing', YABU and I think you owe your friend an explanation.

movingmay · 09/05/2012 20:14

Actually this did happen to me and it really affected our friendship.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:15

QUESTION - IS ANYONE ELSE A BIT OF A NEAT FREAK?

If so, how the hell do you combat it??????

OP posts:
movingmay · 09/05/2012 20:15

Tell them no chewing, we are not puppies.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:17

Told them no chewing. Doesnt work. I feel really shit to be honest because I feel like I have a problem. I just hate mess so much. Makes my heart beat fast and feel mega stressed and angry most of the time.

OP posts: