Friends Kids Trashing House ... was I a tad harsh?

[MuzlimMuvva]

Cut a long story short. Friend and her kids came over today. House got trashed basically due to the boisterousness of the boys running about. My son is no angel at all, but does not deliberately climb all over everything and never ruins his bedroom. It's not the first time Ive seen this destructive behaviour in her kids, but I understand that they are boys so a bit more inclined to be on the more active side. They are lovely boys and I enjoy having them mostly.

I feel bad because previously before most of the place was in a real mess, I had said to my friend that she could stay over with the kids, we could give them all a bath and have a nice evening etc etc. When I went in and saw the state of my son's bedroom, I said to her that perhaps tonight wasnt such a good idea and that we should leave it for another night. I could tell she was a bit off, but I felt quite pissed off with the kids and mess at that point so didnt really know what else to say. WIU? What do you do if you have to put up with this from friends kids occasionally?

The easiest thing would have been to say something to the kids like " what a mess, we all need to tidy this up now, together".
Unsupervised kids, especially boys will make a big mess.
If I've been at a friend's with my dc's and they've contributed to the mess then I make a point of getting them to help tidy.
Yes you should/could have handled it differently and your friend should have supported you in clearing up.
What's done is done. Learn from it, do it differently next time.

Most of my childrens friends make a bit of mess within the normal scheme of playing but only twice have kids completely trashed the house. Both times it took me 2 days to sort through everything - small bits of toys in various locations. I quite resented that but a normal degree of mess is great.

Did you speak to your friend? I hope it'll be ok. Most good friendships csn survive little ups and downs. Hopefully this can help you for the future, ie when kids are over keep cooking simple, pop in and out to check on how the little darlings are doing, remove some of the super messy stuff, etc. You sound like a nice person who like all of us gets overwhelmed by the sheer chaos that pre-schoolers tend to leave in their wake! Good luck.

YABU

That pretty much happens whenever we have friends over for DS. We make the kids do a tidy up. If they refuse to do this, then don't invite them again. T

Throwing them out for making a mess seemed OTT to me. Did you say anything during the ruckus (there must have been a lot of noise going on, did you check in on them?).

Won't comment on reasonableness but just wanted to say how refreshing it is to read an AIBU like this where the OP actually takes advice on board.

I do have a friend who's DC's just do not have any respect for my others houses. Mainly it's because they know me so well they are comfortable enough to treat me like their mum. I have even moved the ladder from one end of DS bed to the other to stop 1 climbing up and standing on the radiator and yelling out of the window - she does not stop when my friend begs her nicely asks her too. I just say get down or get out. And yes I did say why I'd moved it. This girl is 7yo

I don't love mess either but YABU (sorry!) I'm sure that if you explain to your friend that you really can'd handly mess, she'll understand that you know it's a bit of an issue for you. Of course they should have been supervised and it shouldn't have got to the point when you felt they had trashed the place but it's not something to lose a friend over. They should have helped to clear up too.

You can't avoid mess sometimes when you have kids can you, and be careful not to make your own kids feel that they can't make a mess in their own home. I don't mind mine making a mess - as long as they clear up afterwards!!!

'Unsupervised kids, especially boys will make a big mess.'
I find girls make just as much mess!

I invited two sisters (6&4) over once after school with their mum. They completely trashed the house. It took husband and me nearly two hours to tidy up afterwards. The mum just let them get on with it. I stupidly said nothing as was DD's first play date.

Never invited them again but heard gosspip from other mums that they'd had them over and their houses had been trashed too.

I'd suggest you only allow them to play in one room.

dont you make all the kids clean and tidy up before they leave? including the guests. If their parent cant be btohered to back you up on this, then dont bother ever inviting them over with their children again.