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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Kids Trashing House ... was I a tad harsh?

59 replies

MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 19:58

Cut a long story short. Friend and her kids came over today. House got trashed basically due to the boisterousness of the boys running about. My son is no angel at all, but does not deliberately climb all over everything and never ruins his bedroom. It's not the first time Ive seen this destructive behaviour in her kids, but I understand that they are boys so a bit more inclined to be on the more active side. They are lovely boys and I enjoy having them mostly.

I feel bad because previously before most of the place was in a real mess, I had said to my friend that she could stay over with the kids, we could give them all a bath and have a nice evening etc etc. When I went in and saw the state of my son's bedroom, I said to her that perhaps tonight wasnt such a good idea and that we should leave it for another night. I could tell she was a bit off, but I felt quite pissed off with the kids and mess at that point so didnt really know what else to say. WIU? What do you do if you have to put up with this from friends kids occasionally?

OP posts:
hattymattie · 09/05/2012 20:21

Difficult one but I do find it unreasonable that some mothers seem quite oblivious to the fact that their children are wrecking the place. Personally I would have waited to see how children were before offering the sleepover. Otherwise they all need to be involved in tidying and your friend should be supportive. I have one bunch I am very wary of inviting as I had a trail of chocolate all over the house and had to wipe all the walls down afterwards. Also I kept finding half eaten sweets and biscuits in places like the hoover cupboard and the shower. I hate stickiness although am not generally a maniac in other respects.

Psychopsilocybin · 09/05/2012 20:22

I'm a bit of a neat freak but children making mess doesn't bother me. My DB and his fiancee along with their 2 year old DS came round the other day. My DS' bedroom, well. Balls all over the place, clothes pulled out of drawers, toy box upturned, all items thrown out of cot.

Took minutes to tidy it all up. Sure, the mess at first hurt my head but... they're kids! :o

YABU a bit U.

surroundedbyblondes · 09/05/2012 20:24

DD1 is three and things can get quite over-excited at times. I draw the line at trashing her sister's belongings though and get tense if her friends are out of control which can happen with wilful little three year olds. Was your friend at your house when all the kids made a mess? Did she intervene?

mynewpassion · 09/05/2012 20:24

Did I read it right that the kids are no older than 3? Kids that age make a mess.

YABVU.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:27

surroundedbyblondes - In the end she intervened yes

I do think I was unreasonable. It seems on here that I need to cool off a bit and let the kids be kids.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 09/05/2012 20:31

YANBU. I never let my kids trash people's houses when we visit. I have had loads of kids round here and a couple of times got peed off with kids trashing. One broke DC bed frame by jumping on it. The ceilings can shake at times with the boistrousness (girls and boys). Others went in our room and searched through our stuff, just general disrespect. I once had 10 kids round and from that day (of hell!) onwards only have a couple of kids or 3 at most otherwise it becomes chaos.

redwineformethanks · 09/05/2012 20:31

Well done for listening to AIBU advice instead of storming off "No one understands me, I'll never post here again........"

I'd say next time encourage everyone to tidy up together before bath and dinner

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:36

I came on here to get opinions, not so much a rant, and now I think I'm gonna text her and say sorry, just explain I felt stressed out etc. RedWine I think next time a team effort tidy up is a good idea. It's that last couple of hours before bed that gets me .. I was trying to cook dinner for everyone and I've got a 7 month old baby screaming in her highchair and whingeing 3 year old dashing in and out with my friends kids..just got a bit much in the end and I thought sod it, I'll have to do this another time.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Firawla · 09/05/2012 20:39

It sounds like you both weren't supervising the kids so really thats the reason why the place got trashed and you have to take responsibility..
Similar things have happened in my house, but its always when u just try and let the kids enterain themselves/each other and sit to have a chat together without keeping as much eye on them as you normally would.
the more children are there, they wind each other up and encourage each other so may be unfair to only blame her children
I would say you over reacted although i do understand how annoying it is to go and see the place trashed when children have been visiting

If its just mess and nothing broken personally i dont care as it can be tidied up easily, its just a matter of spending the time doing it. but if toys are broken then that does pee me off - but just have to learn the lesson in future of keeping a better eye on children or putting away the breakable stuff out of reach.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:42

Indeed we were not supervising the kids lol

we were chatting Blush rather than checking what was up.

OP posts:
MysteriousHamster · 09/05/2012 20:44

I would apologise if I were you. I'd be a bit hurt if someone did that to me. Doesn't sound that messy by kid standards.

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2012 20:48

so you let 3 under 3's run around upstairs without checking on them at all?
and then you were surprised they made a mess?

yep, yabu Grin

PoppyWearer · 09/05/2012 20:50

YANBU. I'm a neat freak too. My 3yo DD paired up with a related child at a family event in our house and they trashed her room. I couldn't help but be upset, especially when some things had been broken. I didn't have many nice things growing up and I think that's why I get upset when DD and other kids don't respect what she/we have. And I had made a huge effort to make the house tidy.

Original poster
MuzlimMuvva · 09/05/2012 20:51

ok ok everyone!!!! point taken!!!!!

I AM AN UNREASONABLE COWBAG!!!

will text her now and apologize. I feel like a real twit wanker

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 09/05/2012 21:06

I completely understand (and share) your aversion to mess, children can be messy, dirty and destructive though so it's probably best to let them unleash their energy and excitement in the garden or park for a few hours before letting them into your homeGrin.

GrossePopel · 09/05/2012 21:11

Some advice...

Try to chill out a bit. I'm a 'neat freak'... But this kind of mess takes minutes to tidy, especially if you enlist the children. It's just a case of picking things up. I let my DS (when it's just us)... play... That's what children do. He always has to tidy up after himself and before he goes to bed (he's 2). When he has a friend or 2 over its usually total mayhem. One friend in particular allows her DS to be a bit of a terror. But we always tidy the toys together before they leave.

All you had to do was... 'oh my I declare what a mess, we all need to tidy up before dinner'. Quick tidy. Dinner. Kids to bed and wine with your friend. You could have had a pleasant evening, instead you may have damaged a friendship.

babybythesea · 09/05/2012 21:29

Songs help! Put a good, fun CD on and turn it into a race - we need it tidy by the end of the song (or next two songs if it's really bad!). Then the tidying up itself is fun and part of the games, and if you are all singing along it doesn't feel so stressful for you!

oooohhhhyes · 09/05/2012 21:44

YABU but you sound nice :) I am sure your friend will melt when she gets your text - she knows we're all imperfect. I'm a neat freak too. Sometimes having a one room rule helps, then the mess being confined to the kids' room helps me contain my neat freakery and deal with it. I find alcohol and nicorettes help but that's just me ;) (haven't smoked for years but have recently become addicted to nicorettes - the silent, sneaky way to have a vice).

Spidermama · 09/05/2012 21:51

Good on you MM for realising you've made a mistake, owning up to it on MN and dealing with it. That's seriously impressive.

Hope you and your friend are OK.

nothingoldcanstay · 09/05/2012 21:56

It's your friends "fault" though isn't it not the children. If her standards are different to yours then her children aren't going to know they are doing anything wrong. I remember a friend telling me I wasn't allowed to play because I always left a mess - I was totally shocked as my mother would always tidy up after me at home regardless. I am still a messy cow but I do try and make DS tidy up (and he is better than me and does it naturally).
However it doesn't worry me that DS jumps on the sofa at home (very old and second hand) and lots of friends look totally aghast! I must make myself remind him that other people would mind otherwise how would he know.

iago · 09/05/2012 21:59

Am much older than all of you, I guess, but NEVER had my house trashed by my children's friends.

Catsdontcare · 09/05/2012 22:09

I can sympathise with you my friends kids trash everything! It really winds me up. I've combatted it by basically hiding the majority of toys in the garage before they come Blush so there are just a couple of box's available.

I expect some mess with kids but these just tip everything out regardless of whether they want to play with it or not

EckyThump99 · 09/05/2012 22:09

OP I am interested in how you have trained your dc NOT to make mess??? Tell me your secret!

NonAstemia · 09/05/2012 22:31

You're not a cowbag - actually you sound really nice. Wink I'm sure if you text your friend and apologise, she'll understand that you just got stressed out.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 09/05/2012 22:37

OP, mess makes me irritable and twitchy too Blush I usually find that I feel a lot better knowing that my bedroom is tidy and calm. When people are over I keep that door firmly shut, then I can go sit in there for a few minutes before tackling the tidying up (after guests have left). Also, big toy chests with lids, throw it all, lid on and I can't see it anymore! :)

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