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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that most parents seem to stop at 2 children?

75 replies

Boboli · 09/05/2012 11:23

I'm one of 3 and it seemed quite the norm when I was growing up - my perception was lots of families of 3 children. Now I and majority of friends have 2 DCs and I'm surprised that it seems automatically accepted you've had your children when you reach 2 and that you'd be 'brave'/'mad' to go on.

We're contemplating no 3 but occasionally wonder if everyone else knows something we don't :) I know every family situation is different but have I missed something?

OP posts:
PoohBearsHole · 09/05/2012 11:25

For us, i would love 3 (being one of 4) but funnily people who grew up as 1 of 3 that I know say that they would have preferred to be 1 of 2 of 1 of 4 instead.

I guess that somethings are more tricky - 3 in a car isn't possible in a tiny car whereas 2 is but I would never say never!

PeggyCarter · 09/05/2012 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hokeycakey · 09/05/2012 11:27

I have a 13 week old dc3 it's great! But yes we've had lots of comments especially seeing as we had a ds and dd and people wondered what the point was! I grew up in church was one of 3 and we were a small family.

ReallyTired · 09/05/2012 11:28

Many people just can't afford two children, yet alone three.

I suppose a lot depends on what kind of lifestyle you want for you and your family. I agree that families are getting smaller. We know a lot of families with just one child. I think that shrinking families are caused by women having their children later and more marriages breaking up.

However if you and your husband want three kids then go for it as you only live once.

lolajane2009 · 09/05/2012 11:28

i'm one of three and would never have three tbh. i hated being a middle child in a rather odd family.

StandingAlone · 09/05/2012 11:29

DH and I would have loved a third, but cannot afford another
& have no room for another, also, we didn't want to stretch our rather stretched resources even more than they are. It is the right decision for our family, as you say each family situation is different.

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 11:30

Many people stop at 2 because it's logistically easier. There are loads of 3 bed, reasonably (comparitively speaking) houses out there. 2 car seats will fit in most cars. Kids have company but don't get lost in a crowd. As somone who has 5 I can see advantages to it! Grin Not least the amount of petrol spend in ferrying them all round

Whoopydofoxpoo · 09/05/2012 11:30

Also people are now having children later in life - perhaps that is a cause ?

I have 2 -both myself and DH would have liked more and if we had met earlier in life then that may have been the case . We're from 4 and 3 children families .

Mrsrobertduvall · 09/05/2012 11:31

I was one of 3 and would never have had more than 2. Mainly due to age. But also a feeling that I couldn't cope with more sleepless nights.
Dh is one of 9 and hated it.

Sandalwood · 09/05/2012 11:31

Car seat laws.
Holiday/days out deals.
Housing.

There are many reasons why 3 is quite different to 2.

daisydoodoo · 09/05/2012 11:32

I have 4, but most of my friends and acquaintances, seem to have 2 children.

I deally i would have had 2, dc3 came about by accident and then we evened up numbers for dc4.

When I had the dc i was in a very comfortable position and plenty of room and a dh in a good job. Now divorced and living in rented house, although am far luckier than most and glad that i have a job that enables me to pay for most things myself, with a small amount of housing benefit.

YouOldSlag · 09/05/2012 11:37

With us it's:

  1. meeting late in life. If we'd met at 25 not 35 we would have had 3.
  2. Money- we are stretched as it is.
  3. Can't fit 3 in a car without a bigger car
  4. Knackered
  5. and most significantly, I have been pregnant 5 times and only have 2 children. We don't want to push our luck. We are so blessed to get two.
Morloth · 09/05/2012 11:40

2 for us, money, age, energy etc.

The world appears to be set up for 2 adults + 2 children.

I would have like more, but we like a big age gap and so should have started earlier if we were wanting more than 2.

Mosman · 09/05/2012 11:40

As a mother of 4 I can tell you you there's nothing wrong with 2 kids or even 1

cantspel · 09/05/2012 11:41

I would have loved a large family, 3 or 4 would have been my ideal but as my oldest has a genitic condition that any further children would have a 50% chance of also having we choose to stop at 2. I already had my younger son at the time my oldest was disagnosed and lucky for us and him he didn't inherit the defective gene but it is unlikely that we would get lucky again.

But if i had if we didn't have the genitic factor to add in and i had gone on to have a larger family then our standard of living would have suffered. I could not give to 4 everything i can afford to give to 2. So with the benefit of hindsight i do think i would have been selfish to have more children than we could comfortably afford.

CrunchyFrog · 09/05/2012 11:41

Looking at my kids' friends, those with two or fewer are the exception. Most have 3, a good sprinkling of 4 and one friend has recently had her eighth.

I'm in Ireland though, think it's more usual to have big families here.

Eglu · 09/05/2012 11:43

The majority of my friends were were one of two when I was growing up.

The town I currently live in seems to have a lot of families with 3 children. I think it's quite a middle class, I can afford to be a sahm and have 3 kids type thing. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with that. I also have 3 kids, although I work pt.

ScrambledSmegs · 09/05/2012 11:46

DH and I are both one of two. I really wanted to have 3, just seemed like a nice number to me.

I'm now pg with no. 2. However, with my fertility issues and the fact that I'm so ill with permanent nausea/vomiting at the moment, no. 3 is looking far less likely. I don't mind, 2 is wonderful and one more than I thought I would be able to have 6 months ago!

sugarice · 09/05/2012 11:47

We have three boys and ds3 was unplanned so there was that initial "oh shite" moment but I was thrilled as I always wanted 3 [I'm the eldest of 3 too] . Having a third didn't cost us a great deal more at first other than nappies and milk as we already had the baby clothes but costs obviously went up when 3 pairs of shoes were needed, uniform etc. The car thing wasn't really an issue tbh.I will however warn you that when they reach teendom they will eat the equivalent of a small European food mountain and my food bill is horrendous Wink

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 11:51

I don't know many people with 2 children

Most of the mums I know started off with 2 kids...split with their DP and then went on to have another child with someone else.

EssexGurl · 09/05/2012 11:52

Most of my friends have just the one. We are almost the oddities with 2! I do know a few with 3 but number 3 was either an accident or they had twins with the second pregnancy. I know very few who have more than 2, so I think you are right.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 11:54

Maybe it's an age thing?

I'm 43 and many of the Mums I know who went on to have a 3rd child, did it in their late 30's after divorce/separation.

ViolaCrayola · 09/05/2012 11:54

I always wanted 3 or 4 but am pregnant with DC2, terrible pregnancy, and at the moment feel I will be very happy to stop at two.

OTOH I am still pretty young so in the back of my mind is the 'two and two' idea! Two now, a gap and then another two...

I always used to feel that two children was a very small family ( I was one of 2), but that feeling is ebbing away now. DH was one of three and thinks 2 will be perfect - no one left out/in the middle etc.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 09/05/2012 11:54

Only one of my group of school friends had more than one sibling.

DD2's friends are:
1 of 4 (3)
1 of 2 (dd and 1 other)
1 of 3 (2).

But then dd1's friends mainly seem only to have one sibling.

Random distribution or something.... I'd've liked more, but we have nowhere to put them.

sugarice · 09/05/2012 11:56

Actually we would have loved a fourth but we would definitely have needed to have a bigger house and car which was an absolute no go. I actually found it quite upsetting knowing I wouldn't be having another baby especially when ds3 started nursery and school .