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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that in-laws were extremely rude doing this!

91 replies

eppa · 08/05/2012 13:55

I live with DH a long way from my parents but near to his parents. A few months ago my parents came to visit and the in-laws cooked lunch for them at their house.
When my parents knew they were due to come up again they wanted to return the in-laws hospitality. Obviously they couldn't cook them lunch so instead they said that they would take me and DH and the in-laws out for lunch to say "thank you".
This was explained to MIL and she said she would book a restaurant. However when me and my parents and DH turned up PILs were there with DH's two brothers (who are both in their twenties, working, etc) and it was clear that MIL expected my parents to pay for the 2 BILs too!
Now my parents are not wealthy and I could see my mum was mortified that she was expected to pay for 2 adult men's meals (who she hardly even knows). Therefore at the end of the meal it was a bit awkward as I said somthing about the BILS should pay and the PILS were very offish about this and one BIL even made a very loud comment that it was "funny to have to pay when you've been invited out" - he wasn't even invited!!!
Please tell me I'm not BU to think that PILs were really rude to do this!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 08/05/2012 20:56

Be afraid, captainmummy...

No, the Hide is actually just the "hide thread" link from the active conversation list. Not an instruction.

pigletmania · 08/05/2012 21:07

yanbu at all cheeky freeloaders./ I would have said, well you were not invited

SecondRow · 08/05/2012 21:25

Have to ask why you let MIL make the reservation? If you had done it yourself you would have made it for 6, and at least then if they had turned up with BILs they would have had a heads-up at the beginning of the meal that they were not invited, it was all a misunderstanding and everyone would have had a chance to think about how to handle it gracefully before the bill came :)

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/05/2012 21:30

YANBU, but probably not worth arguing over now. If you are ever in the situation again, get your DH to issue the invitiation explicitily to them alone (unless you want the BILS to come too)

GnomeDePlume · 08/05/2012 21:33

Why didnt your DH say something when the BiL turned up?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 08/05/2012 21:41

The fact that your parents allowed MIL to make the reservation when they were hosting leaves them without a leg to stand on really. I think they were quite rude allowing your dh to pay when they should have made it clear who the invitation was for.

lunamoon · 08/05/2012 23:31

Don't eat out with others agian! It is far too risky!

fluffypillow · 08/05/2012 23:46

I can understand why the BIL's thought they were invited too tbh, as they were at the origional meal. It was rude of BIL to make that comment though.

Earthymama · 09/05/2012 00:05

Maybe OP's parents are on a limited budget and couldn't afford to pay. We don't eat out as a family group very often as it costs too much for anything decent and drinks are so expensive.

To me it sounds as though your family and DH's family have different ways and have got into a defensive way of thinking and approaching one another.

It's hard to understand when young men in their 20s aren't polite to their SiL's parents though; my 15 year old DGS would be able to engage in conversation with anyone. I wouldn't want to pay for a meal for someone who didn't acknowledge that we were now family.

anonacfr · 09/05/2012 00:19

Actually the OP clearly says the invite was for the ILs only, not their sons (as you'd expect- sons are not part of the 'joint family' so to speak) and it was explained to the OP's MIL.
The way I understand it she booked the meal for her sons knowing they weren't included in the invitation. If she wanted them to tag along so badly she should have checked with the OP and her DH.

EllenParsons · 09/05/2012 00:35

I do think the PIL and BIL are being U - obviously trying it on for a freebie. I could let a simple misunderstanding go but I would have been really pissed off to hear the sarcy comment from the freeloading BIL! So YANBU!

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2012 00:58

I think YANBU but you shouldn't have let MIL book the restaurant either. Apart from anything else, it might have been a super-expensive one that your parents couldn't have afforded anyway!

I can see it's unlikely to happen again, but if it does arise, keep control of it yourselves so that misunderstandings/devious behaviour doesn't happen again.

digerd · 08/11/2012 16:53

Extremely rude of BIL saying that. I have an outspoken ( mostly out of order) BIL - DSis's DH- but nobody dares say anything as DSis is the Alpha female in our family !

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 08/11/2012 16:56

Zombie thread folks

schoolgovernor · 08/11/2012 16:56

Where did this come from. It's a thread from MAY!

digerd · 08/11/2012 17:13

Oh yeah, just noticed it, what a waste of my time, but got it off my chest .

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