Not to want to help fund MIL's/family holiday home?

[RightBuggerforit]

MIL bought a holiday home with inheritance from FIL 20 years ago. It has been used as a family holiday place in the past for dh and 2 SILs but they're all grown up now. MIL uses it loads, several times a year for weeks at a time (alongside several other foreign holidays a year), SILs also go there once or twice a year. Dh and I don't use it, we have a young family and can't afford a holiday, plus it takes ages and costs a lot to get there, hours on ferry and car etc and isn't near anything, so even if we could afford a holiday, we would have it somewhere else.

MIL now says she is having trouble affording the upkeep of the property, which she and the SILs are attached to due emotionally to it being purchased in memory of FIL, so selling is not an option. Dh doesn't see any connection.

As a solution, MIL has suggested that, since this house will be left to the 3 kids, they should all start contributing for it now, about £300 a year. I think this is unreasonable, if you use a holiday home and you want to keep it, shouldn't you pay for it yourself instead of asking your dc to pay? MIL has no mortgage and is in the process of downsizing which will free up nearly £100,000 of capital to help with her lifestyle, so why not use some of this money?

I feel really strongly that if we can't afford a family holiday of our own, we shouldn't be funding a share of MIL's holidays, especially given she's in a much better position than we are financially. Dh says we should see it as an investment because we will inherit a third of this house at some point, and if we don't pay MIL has said she will cut him off from this part of the will.

AIBU/WWYD?

Your MIL sounds mean.

YANBU

Don't pay and tell her you're quite happy to have that cut out of the will.

I'd probably pay rather than risk a huge family row.

As an alternative, could your MiL transfer the ownership now to her children? Then you could properly agree between the three of you who will use it when, and you could rent it out for the weeks that are allocated to you?

If you have zero interest in the house then you are within your rights to say no, but don't come back in x years saying SIL's inherited a house and we got nothing.

Fairly simple really, regardless of whether you holiday there or not, it is available to you, what your MIL chooses to do with her money is her business and it's her will. Therefore if you want to inherit pay the £300 if you don't, don't.

Personally I think £300 for say 40 years (being generous?) is £12,000 so unless the house is worth less than £36,000 (unlikely?) your DH is right it's a good investment for the future.

I don't think it sounds mean, just a cold financial transaction.

If it's worth it to you financially to inherit it then make sure you get this written up by a solicitor before you contribute your £300 a year - you don't have to visit it for it to be an investment for the future.

if it's not worth it financially then don't contribute and be cut out of that bit of the will.

As for her 100k - it's not yours, she can spend it how she likes and she may think she needs it for the present. And she can leave her money to whom she likes too.

I can see how it must stick in your throat, but it does make sense financially - £300 a year will ensure you inherit far more in due course. Except that when MIL dies I bet the SILs won't want to sell and that will open up a whole new can of worms.

sounds like a rather unreliable investment to me as she sounds like a bit of a loose cannon - what's to stop her turning round and deciding not to give your kids their share and you'll have no comeback?

I am by her threatening to cut you out of that bit of the will. Does she know you can't even afford a holiday yourselves?

Plain Mean that is all

Hmm what a difficult situation. You can see this from both sides.

Unfortunately, although I think your DH is right about the investment piece, it's probably going to be a long investment. Due to the emotional tie to this holiday home, it's unlikely that SILs will want to sell any time soon so you'll be tied paying this money for a good while.

Exactly hassled that's what I reckon too.

Have seen this before in my own family. Twice. These things generally don't end well

I would ask if there was some leeway over your share of the contribution as you cannot afford it and you can't afford to use it!

Nightmare situation.

Wow - how unreasonable she sounds! :(

if you can't afford to contribute it shouldn't make her treat you differently. I can see what softlysoftly is saying but if you don't have the money what are supposed to do.

If she can't afford to keep her house without a contribution from her children she should sell if those children are not all in the position to help. It seems unreasonable that those who can't afford to help are penalised.

If you could afford it, then yes, maybe see it as an investment, but then it is a very long-term investment and you have a young family so maybe the money is needed now not in 20 years time?

You'd have to have a contract drawn to say upon inheriting you sell or get paid out at full Market value by the SIL's if they choose not to.

It's a transaction make it like one, non emotive.

Tell her you cannot even afford to travel to the cottage so that you can use it now for holidays. You cannot afford holidays full stop, so you can for sure not afford £300 per year to fund her and sils holiday!

Yes - what if you inherit the third of the house and the SILs won't sell their share - what have you inherited exactly? Could you even force them to buy you out?

Yes, and if you do pay, ensure you own part of it first. You dont want to pay 300 per year, and then one day you end up NOT owning part of it at all.

Good advice from SoftlySoftly.

The problem with this whole issue is the way it mixes financial and emotional investments.

Hmm, sort of six of one/half a dozen of the other.

If you are really not in a position to afford the £300 p.a. and never will be then it is unfair of her to cut DH out of inheriting one-third of the holiday home. (I am assuming from your OP that this is the only element of the will she would cut him out from?).

If you are in a position to pay, but don't want to then it is her house, and fair enough for her to consider the future and request this. Downsizing etc., notwithstanding, £100k wouldn't go to far if she needs a high level of care when she's older).

If you can afford it, don't just reject her request out of hand. Think longer-term and step back from the irritation at what must feel a bit like caving to an irrational demand.
What about when the children are a bit older or your financial circumstances improve?
Would you regret it if you have no access to the house / inheritance later?

You (plural - you & DH) need to be a bit hard-hearted and consider how much money you will have put in by the time MIL dies.
Will this exceed the amount a one-third share is worth?
What happens if DH or one of the SILs wants to release equity but the others don't?
How are any equity release requests valued?

Hope the above not too much of an essay!

If you decide to pay the £300 make sure you have a formal agreement in place. Would hate to see the SIL inherit the lot after you funded it for years...

Tell her to sell it. Sadly this is the only option left to many people and she will have to consider it.

That's very manipulative. I would say fine, disinherit us over it, do as you like.

Holiday homes are notoriously crap investments. Value unreliable, not increasing like permanent dwellings and usually with limitations in terms of occupancy. And the rule with investments is not to pour money into it that you cannot afford. Ever.

X-posted with umm, everyone!

Must speed up my typing...

also what happens if the holiday house itself has to be sold to pay for her care?

I am very uncomfortable about the idea of expecting inheritance. 'Investing' money into the inheritance seems to strengthen the expectation, which I don't think is healthy emotionally and could backfire financially.