Not to want to help fund MIL's/family holiday home?

[RightBuggerforit]

MIL bought a holiday home with inheritance from FIL 20 years ago. It has been used as a family holiday place in the past for dh and 2 SILs but they're all grown up now. MIL uses it loads, several times a year for weeks at a time (alongside several other foreign holidays a year), SILs also go there once or twice a year. Dh and I don't use it, we have a young family and can't afford a holiday, plus it takes ages and costs a lot to get there, hours on ferry and car etc and isn't near anything, so even if we could afford a holiday, we would have it somewhere else.

MIL now says she is having trouble affording the upkeep of the property, which she and the SILs are attached to due emotionally to it being purchased in memory of FIL, so selling is not an option. Dh doesn't see any connection.

As a solution, MIL has suggested that, since this house will be left to the 3 kids, they should all start contributing for it now, about £300 a year. I think this is unreasonable, if you use a holiday home and you want to keep it, shouldn't you pay for it yourself instead of asking your dc to pay? MIL has no mortgage and is in the process of downsizing which will free up nearly £100,000 of capital to help with her lifestyle, so why not use some of this money?

I feel really strongly that if we can't afford a family holiday of our own, we shouldn't be funding a share of MIL's holidays, especially given she's in a much better position than we are financially. Dh says we should see it as an investment because we will inherit a third of this house at some point, and if we don't pay MIL has said she will cut him off from this part of the will.

AIBU/WWYD?

It's only an investment if you're free to sell it in the future. I'd suggest getting a legal document drawn up that establishes exactly how you'll get your money back out and when. I do think that 300 a year is cheap for a third if a house! If you can't afford a holiday then I am Guessing you can't afford to subsidise MIL's holiday home so it's rather a mute point.

I suggest if £300 a year is affordable to you leave it to your dh to sort out. I appreciate your MIL is being a bitch saying she will cut you out of her will. I wouldn't dance attendance on her for that - that game can go on a long time!

It's worth reminding her that if her estate will be above the inheritance tax de minimus level if the holiday home is part if her estate then you'd end up paying tax on the house you'd contributed towards. There's got to be a better way of organising this arrangement.

MIL has suggested that, since this house will be left to the 3 kids, they should all start contributing for it now, about £300 a year.

If the house is to go to the three children, why wait until MIL dies? She could gift it now and thus take it out of her estate for inheritance tax purposes and for means-testing for care home. That would make more sense financially and rid her of the burden of running costs.
You then get someone to run it professionally to make it an income-producer instead of a drain on resources.

Here is a rough guide to French inheritance laws

I tend to agree with Purits and others who have suggested making the house over to the children now.

I think that you are family too, and that you should have equal say and attend the meeting.

I might have missed something here, but does your MIL live in France or England ? If the latter, I suspect (but am not sure) that property situated in France but owned by someone domiciled in Britain and being passed on to someone domiciled in Britain iwould be subject to British inheritance law... there's a specific treaty on the subject between Britain and France which you can consult here:

www.ambafrance-uk.org/Treaty-Inheritance-tax

but I'm not sure if it says what happens in this particular case.

Ignore that last post, apparently I'm talking nonsense.

I agree with the posters who suggest gifing it now, and while you are at it getting them to draw up a contract to deal with the issues of selling it in the future. She seems as if she is likely to last longer than the 7 years, and it will sort out any future issue about it needing to be sold to pay for care. In those circumstances £300 a year ongoing is a good deal. If its just £300 with no actual evidence of it ever materialising, and possibly needing to be sold, then thats financially stupid.

if its gifted to you, or inherited by you, as i posted earlier, won't you potentially be responsible for upkeep and other costs eg council tax? your MIl would see this as your house (where costs are concerned at least) and the cost of upkeep not her issue. so it won't be just £300 per year. you could be paying lots more for a house your IL's won't sell that you don't ever use.

30 years is a long time, you'll be more finacially secure then yourself. Your DH is looking at it that the money would be useful now, but he's not getting it now.

I think you and DH need to get legal advice before you attend this family meeting. It would be reassuring to know what you're dealing with, because I get the impression that MIL and the SIL'S haven't a clue what they can and can't do lawfully. I think there might be a change in attitude about this holiday home, unless they take steps to renovate/repair, and make some money by renting it out, it will just swallow up everyones money and not make any profit. And what would FIL think of the neglected property then, MIL, who is ultimately responsible for it. It's time she started to get her priorities in order, if she didn't swan off on so many holidays she wouldn't need to demand money from her DC.

There are people who would rent a remote property; artists, writers, musicians who want peace and quiet and not to be disturbed. Although frankly it sounds like a money pit and unless it can turn a profit commercially as a rental, I think it would be better off sold.

Family and money dosen't mix.
I wouldn't agree to it. Its just not fair on your MIL's part to try and manipulate your DH like this.

My MIL took care of her vile mum all through when she was ill even though she (my MIL) had 2 kids and a job.. as she refused to go into a home..
in the end she only left her a portion of the assets.
the rest went to her 'boyfriend'.

Just show you DH this thread before you go to your 'family meeting'. and tell him that yes she is his mother but right now he has a wife to look after and his kids should be his priority.

hope it all goes ok though Im not holding much out for that!

I would tell your MIL that you haven't got the money and if she wishes to change her will so be it, and that you won't be blackmailed.

As someone else has said, if she is laying down conditions now about her inheritance there will be more and more, and they will get more and more unreasonable. Nip it in the bud now.

I can see this problem coming up for us, we've been to the villa twice since DD1 was born, but not for the last 3 years, whereas the BIL and SIL and their families have been twice a year. Oh yes, and we "had" to contribute £4k for a car for use out there, everyone else decided that each family should pay a contribution for the car, we were then informed of the decision. DH felt we had to pay to avoid a family argument. Grrrr it had better not happen again but this thread is giving me a sense of deja vu.

Good luck OP, I think that treating it as an investment has so many drawbacks, what ifs, legal ramificatiosn plus human emotions in there I'm not sure if its worth it.

I recently approached solicitor to arrange loan to DBrother who hasn't been able to sell his house and owed exwife. Solicitors first reaction was do not go near this sort of arrangement with a bargepole, she totally advised against it due to it being a family arrangement which carries so much more than just money.

Must say she was right (but DB had no other option) as I cannot see his house selling (because he won't lower to sensible price) and how can we insist in return of money as it would render him homeless if he paid it back cos than he couldn't pay mortgage.

There are too many possible outcomes to this scenario eg SILs have to fork out for urgent repairs at some point so feel they have greater claim on house, MIL needs money for care home, SIL gets into debt and needs some money urgently so wants house sold or let to pay them.

I would say to them that you don't use it so are more than happy to leave lovely holiday home to DSILs as they can really appreciate it, sad though you are to miss out on dosh.
OR
get a proper legal doc drawn up as described above, including what happens on MIL's demise.

MInd you MIL and SILs will prob take offence at the suggestion that her DCs cannot amicably arrange payments without involving lawyers -- so might exclude you from inheriting anyway!

Did you have the meeting?