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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send this text? Re party/drugs/baby/bathroom

75 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 04/05/2012 17:58

We're having a house party. Friends and family invited. We have a baby.

I have friends that take drugs occasionally, we don't (I wasn't an angel in my far off past so not judging ... too much) and I know that my friends will not bring any drugs to the party.

There are 1 or 2 that do it in the comfort of their own home but not whilst out with pals - you may think I'm being naive - but they are pretty upfront about the rare occasions they do dabble.

I have one friend who tells me she doesn't take cocaine any more - I know for a fact she does.

She is a lovely person but just gets very drunk and carried away sometimes.

AIBU to text her and say under no circumstances can she bring cocaine into my home, as she'll use it in the bathroom and of course we bath our baby there.

If she doesn't have it on her she'll be great, funny and a lovely person ... if she does she'll be a nightmare and just ... a pain in the arse. She thinks people can't tell when she's on it but it's obvious.

We don't have the not inviting her option and to be honest I do want her there.

Or do I just hope she uses her brain and doesn't bring anything?

Opinions please! Thanks

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/05/2012 18:00

I would speak to her rather than text because a text is easily misunderstand and she might get offended.

Olympia2012 · 04/05/2012 18:02

Offended?? Who cares.....

Tell her straight. And reiterate, you CAN tell when she has been taking it.

Psychopsilocybin · 04/05/2012 18:03

Send her a text but make it look like a generic one you've sent to all invited.

Eg "Hello, just a message to say bring whatever alcohol you want/we are providing alcohol so you don't need ti bring any (delete as appropriate). No drugs though, we just want everyone to get pissed/bladdered/on it like a car bonnet (delete as appropriate) and we would like you to respect our wishes. See you Saturday! :) xx"

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 04/05/2012 18:03

I'm thinking a text doesn't need a reply. She will know my feelings/request and then won't have to go into her usual denial mode ... and just not bring anything. If I speak to her it may escalate into a row over how she doesn't take it (when she does) and I don't want that.

I basically just want her to know I know and for her to respect my request.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/05/2012 18:03

Speak to her and tell her you don't want drugs in the house

Don't mention bathing the baby cos that's just odd

squeakytoy · 04/05/2012 18:04

You have every right to ask people not to bring drugs into your home, but the bit about the bathroom and the baby just sounds quite insane tbh...

JustFab · 04/05/2012 18:05

Definitely a text that reads like a general one but I think you need to say somethong about having a baby in the house which makes it a total no-no. Just a reminder that you are all grown ups and some of you have responsibilities.

charitygirl · 04/05/2012 18:06

I would also be pissed off if a friend bought coke to my house party, but definitely don't mention about bathing the baby - that sounds so weird.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 04/05/2012 18:07

bath bit may seem insane but it's right next to the toilet. In my distant experience any surface in a bathroom was used - including the side of the bath and many a time have pissed up people dropped their precious goods in there! Didn't think that bit was that bonkers but maybe I'm wrong?

So you're all in agreement I do speak to her about it and not just hope she doesn't bring anything?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 18:08

I think a text would be better too, she can take the info on board without losing face at having to be told IYSWIM?

If you don't want them to be taken in your house and you know she's likely to take them I don't see the problem in saying something.

But if she's said she doesn't in the past and you know full well she has, you can't really police what she does beforehand, you'll have to take the risk she might ignore what you've said and come loaded anyway.

If you want her there you're going to have to take her as she comes.

GrahamTribe · 04/05/2012 18:09

Any friend who needed to be warned not to take drugs in my home wouldn't be invited into it. And btw, there's no such thing as not having "the not inviting her option" in your own home.

Added to that, IMHO anyone who is still indulging and is in denial isn't going to think twice about ignoring your request anyway.

squeakytoy · 04/05/2012 18:10

I would just wipe down the sides of your bathroom the morning after, just in case. Some people may take it anyway, and you wouldnt know who it was.

Unless your child is in the habit of licking the toilet cistern, or the empty bath, I very much doubt it is going to pose any danger, as people taking coke dont like to waste it!

charitygirl · 04/05/2012 18:11

Obviously you don't want people taking drugs in your bathroom, but I just don't see what could happen even if they did drop some. you could also rinse out bath the next day! More importantly, you don't need excuses and caveats. But anyway YANBU! Your house, your rules. Text is good idea.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 04/05/2012 18:11

GrahamTribe - my thoughts exactly on her being in denial and ignoring my request. Which is why I'm wondering if it's even worth bringing the subject up which may cause friction between us.

I'll have a think - but thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 04/05/2012 18:12

and to those who suggest wiping down the bath - I will do! :)

OP posts:
GrahamTribe · 04/05/2012 18:16

"GrahamTribe - my thoughts exactly on her being in denial and ignoring my request. Which is why I'm wondering if it's even worth bringing the subject up which may cause friction between us"

So from what you're saying, you either invite her, say nothing and wait for her to do drugs in your home or invite her, tell her not to but wait for her to do drugs in yout home anyway.

All of which is resolved by not inviting her. I don't see what your problem is, the answer is obvious.

travellingwilbury · 04/05/2012 18:17

I wouldn't bother , people that take coke are generally pretty defensive and uptight about it at the best of times , especially those that deny ever taking it anymore .

You will text her not to bring drugs

She will be all uppity and pissed off that you could even think she was this type of person (even though she clearly is)

You will be pissed off / feel guilty

A row will happen

It will not end well .

I am sure she is well aware that she shouldn't be doing drugs in your house already , she will either respect that or she won't regardless of what you say to her . Give the cistern and bath a good wipe down the next day and leave it at that .

That is of course if you want to stay friends with her .

DontmindifIdo · 04/05/2012 18:20

I'd also go with the text option, how about "Hi hardworkfriend, hope you can still make party on X, just making sure everyone knows, we don't allow drugs in our home at all now we have a baby. Hope that's not going to be a problem, NMTB"

If she's not prepared to accept that, then now you're a parent, she's not someone you want around.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/05/2012 18:25

Honestly I wouldnt invite someone to a party if I thought there was any chance they might do coke in my bathroom. Up to you if you want to invite her- your party, your house, but I wouldn't worry about offending her.

lucyellensmumnamechange · 04/05/2012 18:28

Get new friends cant be doing with druggies

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 04/05/2012 18:41

So a possible minute trace of coke is a no no but people getting off their faces on the most legal high is fair game??

RightBuggerforit · 04/05/2012 19:01

I agree with everything grahamtribe says.

You need new friends, or fewer friends, but you def don't need this friend if you can't even trust her not to do drugs in your house with your baby present. You shouldn't even have to say anything , any normal person would never dream of doing something so irresponsible. And I would have thought most parents would be responsible enough and have their baby high enough on their priority list that they wouldn't even think about letting this supposedly inevitable event happen (which you CAN avoid by just not inviting her).

Coconutty · 04/05/2012 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmielu · 04/05/2012 19:06

Or save yourself a text & worry & don't invite her?

claudedebussy · 04/05/2012 19:08

i would do a cheery group text, just like coconutty suggested.

she can be in denial still then, but hopefully take it on board.