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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have a party for my 40th birthday

64 replies

ilovedarthmaul · 04/05/2012 06:41

Hi. I am 40 :( later this year and am amazed that just about everyone around me seems is assuming that im having a big party. I dont want one. We havd had them before and while i dont mind entertaining i dont fancy cooking, cleaning and making sure guests are ok on MY birthday. We have a DC who is 4 who would need watching and i have just been diagnosed with a medical condition and the i cant drink on my new medication.

I am a total wimp bit of a people pleaser so feel a bit bad about letting everyone down .

So AIBU? The other part of this is i dont know what i would do as an alternative. Money is tight and my birthday is in winter and id like it to involve DH and DC. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thanks

Darth x

OP posts:
Gumby · 04/05/2012 06:42

Perhaps someone else could organise something? A family get together in someone else's house?

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 04/05/2012 06:43

Yes tell your dh you want to do something, not a party but a surprise Wink

MsPaperbackWriter · 04/05/2012 06:49

Totally don't blame you. Don't worry about other people, it's YOUR special day so do what YOU want to do and spend any money you can on YOU not everyone else!

Where do you live? Have you ever looked at groupon for cheap getaway deals? What about 'afternoon tea' somewhere nice?

Please don't get pressured into having a party, spend money on you and do what you want.

GateGipsy · 04/05/2012 06:52

I didn't want a party either. I arranged for a dinner at a really nice restaurant that I've always wanted to go to, and we got a cab there and back. Absolute luxury for me and yes it probably cost as much as having a party but you know what, it is what I had always wanted to do. And because it isn't DH's cup of tea had never felt I could do so. It was just me, my hubs, my sister and my brother.

OddBoots · 04/05/2012 06:53

Dh and I went away for a weekend for his 40th and plan to do the same for mine. People didn't expect a party when we said we were going away for it.

Original poster
ilovedarthmaul · 04/05/2012 06:55

Wow! Quick replies - thanks. I havnt ever used group on. Will google it now. Afternoon tea is right up my street but a bit worried of the reaction ill get. ..... Told u i was a wimp! X

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 04/05/2012 07:03

We went away for mine too. DH's yet to come ....

mumblechum1 · 04/05/2012 07:05

I didn't have a party for my 40th and I won't for my 50th either. Both times dh did/will whisk me away for a lovely romantic weekend somewhere abroad.

I'm always a bit nervous of having parties in case no one turns up Hmm. They always do, but I wouldn't want the hassle on my birthday.

GateGipsy · 04/05/2012 07:06

it is your birthday! If you want to go for afternoon tea then sure that's the one day of the year you shouldn't get grief for it? Remind your loved ones that it is about YOU not them. :D

northcountrygirl · 04/05/2012 07:28

It's my 40th this year too. I don't fancy a party either so I was thinking about a weekend away. However, my birthday falls the weekend after my youngest starts school and the older 2 start high school so don't really want to pack them off to grandparents for the weekend.

I'll watch this thread with interest for ideas...

MaargeritaPracatan · 04/05/2012 07:43

There are loads of us with 40ths this year, 1972 was a good vintage!

We should start a 'Yes, we're 40 but we're not up for a shindig' club!!!

snozzlemaid · 04/05/2012 07:52

I'll join your club. I was 40 in February and I didn't have a party. It was half term so we had a few days in London instead.
I wanted to be well out of the way in case anyone thought I'd like a surprise party (shudder).

Badvoc · 04/05/2012 08:02

Me too!

EVERYONE assumes I am organising having a party for my 40th.

No one cares enough to do one for me though Sad

AM going away with dh (its his 40th next month)

Dawnywoo · 04/05/2012 08:03

Another one here. I was 40 last year and apart from the fact that I was pregnant, I couldn't be arsed with a party anyway. It just aint my thing. I find 'special birthday' parties self indulgent in a me, me, look at me way and usually v boring.

Maybe I'm just a miserable, stubborn old git? Grin There's loads of other stuff I like doing though! I got nice plants for the garden and beauty stuff for myself which is more my thing. Oh, and went on holiday... (thinks perhaps am self indulgent different ways)

Dawnywoo · 04/05/2012 08:04

Am also pretending not to be 40 as partner is only 28 [in denial emoticon]

Bunbaker · 04/05/2012 08:06

"Perhaps someone else could organise something? A family get together in someone else's house?"

My sister did that for me and it was lovely. As my birthday is near bonfire night we had a firework display at the end.

imnotmymum · 04/05/2012 08:07

I am so totally with you. I just hate birthdays full stop. Do what you want to do and happy bday life begins at 40 !!

imnotmymum · 04/05/2012 08:11

Not birthdays, birthday parties !

tootssweet · 04/05/2012 08:18

Ooooo North I think we were born on the same day! Birthday twin! My 40th is also on the first weekend back after the school holidays.
Sorry for hijack op. I thought about glamping for my birthday but it's really expensive & I don't feel I can ask people to spend so much & we can't afford to pay it for them. Feel a stuck as hand is being forced a bit on this. Aggh birthdays are soo hard.

galletti · 04/05/2012 08:22

YANBU - It's your birthday - use the money you would have spent on the party on a weekend away with just DH or all of you if that's what you want. What about something like Center Parcs - might get a good deal in Winter and you will all have fun!

Jcee · 04/05/2012 08:26

I'm 40 later this month and also having this problem.

I have decided to do something for me and so DP and I are having a day out and lunch at an expensive restaurant in London that we wouldn't normally go to. I just need to choose where to go and what to do afterwards.

Everyone was a bit annoyed about the thought of no party to start with but seem to have got over it now and have moved on to hassling me about what I want as presents and I have no idea!

FreudianSlipper · 04/05/2012 08:26

Another 72 baby here :o

I am making sure I am going to be away, it is not something I want to celebrate I am not bothered by turning 40 just want to do my own thing

I have never wanted others to celebrate my birthday since I was 21

gettinghappy · 04/05/2012 08:27

I will be 40 in the summer and I am not having a party either! Can't do the weekend away without the kids as we are about to have a LO come live with us (permanent fostering) and he won't have been here long enough to leave for a weekend.

We will probalb all go away together for a weekend tbh which will be lovely. Parties are just not my thing!

MeKathryn · 04/05/2012 08:39

I think I just went for an Indian on my 40th. But I was 7 months pregnant Wink Wouldn't want a party anyway- do what you want, it's your day!

exoticfruits · 04/05/2012 08:55

I was 9 months pregnant so just had a quiet meal. Do what you want.

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