Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have a party for my 40th birthday

64 replies

ilovedarthmaul · 04/05/2012 06:41

Hi. I am 40 :( later this year and am amazed that just about everyone around me seems is assuming that im having a big party. I dont want one. We havd had them before and while i dont mind entertaining i dont fancy cooking, cleaning and making sure guests are ok on MY birthday. We have a DC who is 4 who would need watching and i have just been diagnosed with a medical condition and the i cant drink on my new medication.

I am a total wimp bit of a people pleaser so feel a bit bad about letting everyone down .

So AIBU? The other part of this is i dont know what i would do as an alternative. Money is tight and my birthday is in winter and id like it to involve DH and DC. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thanks

Darth x

OP posts:
SpiritOfTheSite · 04/05/2012 09:09

Do what you want! For DH we went to visit Welsh castles. For mine I plan on seeing stars, which I would like to be in the US but suspect money will mean it will be in a clear skies area of the UK.

Mrsjay · 04/05/2012 09:23

I was 40 last year and i would have rather chew my arm off than have a party , I dont like huge gatherings and fuss , i would say to your familiy that you would like to do something but not a party

MeKathryn · 04/05/2012 09:24

Kielder observatory in Northumberland is the best place in the country for light pollution free star watching Spirit.

WheresMyCow · 04/05/2012 09:26

Another 72 baby joining Grin

Not really got anything planned, but I don't want a party. May go away for the weekend with friends or get someone to look after DS and go out for a nice meal with DH.

When DH was 40, MIL really wanted us to have a party for him and I think that she was mightily peeved at me because I didn't organise anything - but he didn't want a party.

Do what you want to do, it's your day after all Smile

CMOTDibbler · 04/05/2012 09:29

DH was 40 in Jan, I'll be 40 in October - no parties for either of us. Dh let ds choose what we were going to do, so we went bowling. I want to go on a western riding course for my birthday, so no party for me either.

LisaD1 · 04/05/2012 09:30

I'm 40 this year too and no party here either. DH and I will probably go away for the weekend or at least go up town for the night and stay in a nice hotel.

I cannot think of anything worse than a party, I hate being centre of attention and quite frankly it was bad enough fending off all of MIL's random family/friend invite requests for our wedding, I can't face it again for a party!

I am going to a friends 40th party this weekend and really looking forward to it, I love a party just not when it's about me!

Do what makes you happy and not everyone else.

BobblyGussets · 04/05/2012 09:30

I am 40 this year too and I was all talk of a party until someone said, "I couldn't think of anything worse.." so I am going back for a weekend to our old university city with DH (it's where we met) and my best mate of 25 years (she went to the same uni too) and her DH.

Don't laugh, it's Bradford, but we were young there and we had the time of our lives, great social circle etc. I don't live anywhere near now, but I am still fond of it.

We are name twins MeKathryn. It is the awkward spelling eh?

Mrsjay · 04/05/2012 09:32

op you are really not letting anybody down with not having a party it is your birthday maybe go for a meal with familiy/friends , but the whole suprise party thing isnt for you so dont get into it all Smile

sunnydelight · 04/05/2012 09:34

Of course YANBU. Some people like parties, others don't (especially if they have to do all the work for them!). I had a 2 month old baby when I turned 40 (and I was pregnant for my 30th so no party then either) so we took the kids to France for a week and all went for a lovely meal on my birthday. I am kind of tempted for my 50th next year though..........

GobHoblin · 04/05/2012 09:36

Bugger them all! Mine is next weekend. I was almost bullied into a weekend away for everyone, but i hated the idea as didnt want to feel responsible for ensuring all family and friends were having a good time!
Have booked to go greyhound racing with fam and friends and staying overnight in a nice hotel. Enjoy it and stick to your guns :oD

mostlymay · 04/05/2012 09:39

I was 40 in April and told all my friends I wanted to do something with each of them instead of a party so I had, afternoon tea with one, day at a spa with another, meal at a friends house with a small group, day ay London Zoo with Dh and children and theatre with DH while parents watched the kids. It was fabulous and meant my birthday has lasted over a month with different activities and I got to spend quality time with every important person without baby/ child's hanging off me! none of my friends complained most thought it was fab, and all activities were cheap as got last minute deals and group on stuff Grin

Flyonthewindscreen · 04/05/2012 10:00

YANBU at all. Let people know now that no party is planned so they can stop expecting one/hassling you about it. Dh took me for a mystery weekend away when I turned 40 last year and I did the same for him when he turned 40. Mystery as in surprise destination not murder mystery btw!

Barmcake · 04/05/2012 10:33

dh is 40 at the end of the year and he has already said he doesn't want a party, so we are planning on going away for the weekend, just dh, ds and I. the outlaws won't be happy as they love a good party.

BeerTricksPott3r · 04/05/2012 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpiritOfTheSite · 04/05/2012 11:49

MeKathryn Thanks for that Grin

Bobbly I am from Bradford and still love it, also went to university there!

ILikeTrains · 04/05/2012 11:53

I took my husband to Vegas for his 40th and I'm hoping he's going to take me away somewhere equally as fab when it's my turn. I'd hate a party

Baileyscoffeeandcampfires · 04/05/2012 13:17

Dh will be 40 on fathers day. He doesn't want a party - he wants an iPad.

We will probably go camping or to the beach for the day.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 04/05/2012 13:24

Dh didnt want a party for his 40th, so I booked him a surprise trip away, but I want a party when the time comes.

You are not obliged to have one, so if you don't want one, just don't have one.

longwayfromuk · 04/05/2012 13:43

When I turned 40 I was single and I travelled from Australia to Italy on my own which was a huge feat in itself. Then I joined up with a group of women for a walking tour of Tuscany - organised by an agency called 'Shirley Valentine' tours. I was the youngest and the other womens' ages ranged up to about 65. They threw me the most lovely, magical, unexpected and surreal birthday party on the rooftop of the apartment we were staying in - with the simplest (but best) - ingredients - wine, cheap (but meaningful) gifts from our time together - Italian food, cake, music, candles and dancing.

I have never seen that group of women again - but I will never forget my fabulous (and truly coming of age) 40th birthday. Celebrate - mark the day - and begin dreaming about the amazing things you want from the next decade to come.xxx

Scholes34 · 04/05/2012 14:35

I heard of a lovely idea someone had to celebrate their 50th - instead of having a big party and getting everyone together for that, she decided she will spend the year visiting friends and family and spending quality time with them instead - maybe just meeting up for an hour over coffee or for a long weekend if travelling farther afield.

How many times do you go to someone's party and not get to spend any time with them?

verytellytubby · 04/05/2012 14:49

My DH (the most sociable person on this planet) didn't want a party for his 40th a couple of weeks ago. We went to the Tate Modern (while the kids were at school), had a lovely lunch and then a meal with his family and our kids. Was really low key and lovely.

Do what you want. It's your birthday. There's no way I would feel pressurised into having a big party.

Pinkiemum · 04/05/2012 15:37

My 40th is in August, I am going to Denmark, my husband will be in Germany for work, I am thinking of going to a theme park where I can make myself feel young riding on rollercoasters all day hoping my sister in law and nieces will join me and PIL will look after the kids, I know they will plan something for me for the evening but it will only be my husbands family as we will be at their summer house.

My husband will then plan something special when we are both home, probably dinner with close friends.

elliejjtiny · 04/05/2012 15:40

I am 30 this month and for my birthday I am going for a picnic in the park, drinks with paper umbrellas in the garden at home and then dinner at the all you can eat chinese. Just me, dh, the dc and the inlaws.

Cupawoman · 04/05/2012 15:48

Darth YADNBU. I am 50 next week and have specifically told my family I do not want a party/evening out. Horses for courses. I am going away on the day with my DH to a posh B&B for the evening and will have a nice meal out somewhere. As often happens, it's other people's expectations that get in the way.

dotty2 · 04/05/2012 15:52

I'm 40 in the New Year and just started thinking about it. I'm from Bradford too but never go back as my parents have moved and suddenly the idea of a weekend there seems really appealing. It could be the new 'thing to do for your 40th'!