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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not have a party for my 40th birthday

64 replies

ilovedarthmaul · 04/05/2012 06:41

Hi. I am 40 :( later this year and am amazed that just about everyone around me seems is assuming that im having a big party. I dont want one. We havd had them before and while i dont mind entertaining i dont fancy cooking, cleaning and making sure guests are ok on MY birthday. We have a DC who is 4 who would need watching and i have just been diagnosed with a medical condition and the i cant drink on my new medication.

I am a total wimp bit of a people pleaser so feel a bit bad about letting everyone down .

So AIBU? The other part of this is i dont know what i would do as an alternative. Money is tight and my birthday is in winter and id like it to involve DH and DC. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thanks

Darth x

OP posts:

BBQJuly · 04/05/2012 18:02

YANBU at all! Afternoon tea sounds lovely :) Your birthday, your choice.

northcountrygirl · 05/05/2012 00:12

Birthday twins

Right. I've had a bit of time to think and this is what I've decided for my 40th (feel free to copy me anyone that wants to).

I want to start the day with dry cured bacon and scrambled eggs and a glass of bolinger. Preferably in bed. And coffee.

Then I'm gonna have a bit of a home spa in the bath - lots of treatments, face masks etc. When I get dressed I'm going to wear a new dress. I will buy a size 8 from boden as it's 4 months away and by then I will surely be thin. I think I will go for a short sleeved dress in the shorter length as I will also be toned. Haven't decided exactly on the plan to arrive at being toned - but I will be.

Then I would like a pamper day - I was thinking about inviting some girl friends round and having things like manicures, facials etc done at home. Also with Bolinger (or Cordiniu Cava depending on funds) and all my favorite foods - fat olives, nice cheeses, pates, full fat crisps, pork pies from my friends pie shop. I would like my children around for this part - the girls will love it and my son can have a friend over - but the truly "special" part will be that for the whole day their Dad can take over all parental duties. I will only be responsible for having fun with them - homework, personal hygiene, tidying of rooms and general discipline will all be his responsibilty for the whole day.

In the evening I would like an "adults only" meal at my favourite restaurant. And I want them to dim the lights and play "Happy Birthday" and bring a birthday cake to me. With 40 candles.

Yeah - party far too self indulgent for me!

plebble · 06/05/2012 11:38

Hi,
Been reading the posts with a smile on my face. I'll be 40 later on this month and although part of me is horrified, I'm also quite pleased. Personally though I just want a quiet day without too much fuss. For me its a day to celebrate my achievements and reflect and be thankful for all I have in life....

hatesponge · 06/05/2012 11:46

I'm 40 in 2 weeks. I am having a party although I am having to organise it all myself, have left everything to the last minute, my house is a hovel and lots of people can't make it. So YANBU in not wanting a party, because at the mo I'm not sure if I really want one either...

whatdyouthink · 06/05/2012 11:56

I am 40 in July and having a party. Tbh one reason I am having it is that my bday is at start of school holidays and just before our hol to Italy so a weekend away would be bad timing. I think if i'm totallly honest i also don't want to seem like billy no mates by not spending it with friends. Pathetic, eh? I also missed out my 30th due to being a new mum. So... Am having a party but probably for the wrong reasons!

We went away close to dh's 40th then had a family meal on the actual day. It was lovely but I think he also felt pressure re spending it with friends.

whatdyouthink · 06/05/2012 11:57

How about a spa day?

motherinferior · 06/05/2012 12:00

Oh goodness, have parties, you lot! You don't have to cook and clean and make sure everyone else is having a good time - buy loads of booze, plastic glasses and crisps, invite everyone you know, and let them get on with having a good time and giving you flowers and presents and bottles of champagne and telling you how marvellous you are looking at 40.

I didn't actually have a party like that for my 40th as I was 30 weeks pregnant...but I had a hell of a 41st. I shall throw a party for my 49th in June - a No Bunting F*ck Off Jubilee Party as it's a bank holiday - and am definitely going to have one for my 50th.

plebble · 06/05/2012 12:01

Its a day we're supposed to remember and 'has' to be celebrated. Who says so? Conforming to the norm and being unhappy doing so isn't celebrating is it? I'm learning as I get older to do things that make me happy.

motherinferior · 06/05/2012 12:02

Parties make me happy. Particularly those which are all about Me Me Me

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 06/05/2012 12:15

Longwayfromuk that sounds amazing!

I'll be turning 40 four months today, so there's a lot of us with birthdays around the same time! The thought of a party brings me out in a cold sweat, as I hate being the centre of attention and tbh I don't really enjoy parties that much. A surprise party would be my idea of hell. If my birthday was in the school holidays I'd probably have gone away with DS but as it's during his first week back to school after the summer hols, it's out of the question.

I'm a single parent so don't have a DH or DP to whisk me away for a weekend, so am planning it all myself. I've always wanted to fly in a helicopter so I'm going to book a trip for me and DS to fly in one a couple of weeks before my birthday (they run them pretty locally and the Aug BH weekend is the nearest to my birthday). I'm planning to go out for cocktails with the girls from work, a meal with some friends and also planning to go for a meal with DS and my parents after school on the day itself. I've booked my actual birthday off work but as yet have no idea what I'm going to do during the day while DS is at school - if I have the funds I might take myself on a shopping trip. I'm also hoping to book a lovely holiday abroad for next summer, as I can't afford it this year, so I'm planning my 40th treats to last the whole year .

dotty2 · 08/05/2012 13:59

Apologies for slight hijack, but thought bobbly might be amused to know that we were supposed to be camping this weekend but chickened out because of the dreadful forecast so completely on the spur of the moment, inspired by this thread, we went and stayed in the Premier Inn in Bradford and had a great time! Think might aim for further afield for 40th, though!

BobblyGussets · 09/05/2012 21:25

Eh Dotty get you at the Premier Inn in Bradford! That's a step up from the Travelodge.

Glad you had a good time. We would have gone further afield, but will be on holiday to see relatives in New England just before, so I won't be up for five star Thailand this year.

Noqontrol · 09/05/2012 21:32

I stayed in with Dh and drank lots of champagne on my 40th. Oh, and conceived ds too
Much better than a party. Do what you want to do, it's your day after all.

dotty2 · 10/05/2012 08:45

I know - dead posh, me.

Really on the day, noqontrol - that's fantastic!

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