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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to cinema with male work colleague?

66 replies

Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 22:48

I get on really well with a male work colleague. I see him as a very good friend.

However I am gettin married soon.

AIBU to want to go to cinema with him and without my partner?

OP posts:
larks35 · 03/05/2012 22:49

YANBU to go, I'm wondering why you feel the need to ask Confused, unless there's something you ain't telling us...yet Wink

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 22:50

YANBU

What makes you think you might be?

LexieSinclair · 03/05/2012 22:50

Erm, no. What's the problem here, why ask?

FeakAndWeeble · 03/05/2012 22:52

YADBU. When one is about to be married one should never, ever associate with anyone of the opposite sex ever again.

Hmm
Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 22:52

yanbu to go as long as it is a secret from your husband to be then there is no problem and as long as its just the cinema he/you are after then go see a film with your friend ,

hellymelly · 03/05/2012 22:53

I had loads of male friends in London-now I've moved to the Back of Beyond I find that the sexes are much more separate, which I really hate. I am close to my brother and like having friends of both sexes. DH has a lot of women friends too. Of course you are not being unreasonable, have whatever friends you want to, why not?

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 22:53

MrsJay did you mean as long as it's not a secret? Blush

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 22:54

I only ask because the rest of the office think that we shouldn't be friends because he is single and I am taken.

He told me yesterday that someone told him to back off me as I was getting married.

I don't understand as we are just friends.

I prefer make company and seem to be one of those people who struggle with female friendship, so it's nice having him being a good friend at work.

I am sure my DP doesn't mind either, but I am starting to think that he won't want to be friends much longer if he thinks it's giving everyone the wrong idea

OP posts:
Stellarforstar · 03/05/2012 22:55

YANBU.

As long as you're sure there's no extra curricular activities planned on his side-you said "I see him as a very good friend" rather than "we are good friends."

Not being manny, just armchair psyching your OP.

Stellarforstar · 03/05/2012 22:57

Ah, Beaver x-post.

Ignore the nosey buggers, go and have a good time. As long as you're honest with the people who matter, it's nobody else's business.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 22:57

stellar good point.
It's hard to tell, I want it to be that WE are good friends, not that he has other ideas

OP posts:
DilysPrice · 03/05/2012 22:58

Depends. If your colleague is gay and you're off to see Glee: the concert movie then fine. If you're off to see Cabin in the Woods and cower screaming in his lap, maybe not. Why doesn't DF want to go?

Stellarforstar · 03/05/2012 22:58

Well, how you want it- is that how it actually is?

Mrsmuppethead · 03/05/2012 23:01

Speaking personally, I wouldn't be overly impressed if DH was taking female work colleague to cinema, and I wouldn't go with a male colleague. To me it doesn't seem right, but I'm well aware I'm in the minority on this post.

squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 23:04

I prefer make company and seem to be one of those people who struggle with female friendship, so it's nice having him being a good friend at work

I assume you mean male company there. I would say, if you appear to get on better with men than women, then females do tend to keep their distance a bit.. and if you are "good friends" with a male at work, people are bound to talk.

If your colleagues hear that you are going to the cinema with this bloke then yes, they will assume that there may be more than just a friendship going on. That is the way office gossip goes..

Why not invite other colleagues too, so that it is a group outing rather than appearing to be like a date.

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:06

oh god yes i meant NOT a secret i repeat NOT a secret from your oh Blush

igggi · 03/05/2012 23:15

A male work colleague asked me to see a film with him once - I said no, I liked him but didn't fancy him, and though I was single he lived with someone. It just seemed a bit off.
Some years later, we are married.
Not that that proves anything! Maybe depends if cinema feels a bit "date-ish" to either of you.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 23:24

I just really likes the avengers. Saw it with DP at the weekend and really want to see it again. Friend at work not seen it yet

OP posts:
Freshlettice · 03/05/2012 23:25

Hmm, I reckon he likes you more than a friend, just be careful of his feelings.

CoffeeBucks · 03/05/2012 23:26

YANBU

Birdsgottafly · 03/05/2012 23:27

I am going through this 'dilemma' at the moment. I have a new male friend, who i get on really well with and we can talk about work, but my DP would be livid if he knew that he is phoning me to talk, so i am having to keep it a secret.

He isn't the type of man to be friends with a female, nor are any of his friend, so to everyone around us, it seems odd.

I am starting to find this attitude stupidly restrictive.

PartOfAWednesday · 03/05/2012 23:27

I probably wouldn't, but only because of the office gossip. If you're the type that doesn't mind that, then YANBU, especially if you're absolutely sure that there'd be nothing more to it on your friend's side.

I know that for me the gossip would be a factor, because I've been on the receiving end of it before and it didn't end well. Although I'm bisexual, so in theory should never go to the cinema alone with anyone Grin.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 23:28

birdsgottafly glad I'm not the only one,

Silly that if they were female there would be no issue or second thought about it, even if they were lesbian

OP posts:
Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 03/05/2012 23:30

I thi k I would be more keen to keep it a secret from the office whilst DP is kept fully in the loop.
MDP a lot more understanding than the work colleagues!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 23:30

I don't think I'd want to go to see a film with someone whose only just seen it.

Are you sure he doesn't have an ulterior motive?