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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross that my dd is picking up rudeness from nursery

74 replies

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:23

I have twins and I know that at nursery , one of my daughters is playing with an older girl who has, in my opinion, taught her some bad habits. The other daughter plays with a completely different set of friends, in fact my two girls almost lead separate lives at nursery.

The one DD has started to tell me and her grandparents who care for her regularly to 'Shut up' and says 'You're stupid.' The other twin has never said this. I asked both girls where this type of language came from and they both said 'X' a girl at nursery who often speaks like that to the one daughter who plays with her.

I've spoken with my one daughter and she knows it's wrong but I'm a little disappointed that she's picking these things up at the age of 2.5 and that she's being spoken to in this way by another child.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 21:26

YABU really. This is what happens when children start to socialise. All you can do is keep telling her that she is not to be cheeky to you or her GPs. She will soon learn the difference between talking with her friends and talking to her elders.

ErikNorseman · 03/05/2012 21:28

That's life, when your kids go to nursery. You can only deal with your child - as you say she knows it isn't nice so just reinforce that every time you hear it. You can't control what they pick up, unfortunately.

PoppyWearer · 03/05/2012 21:29

Unfortunately I don't see how you can avoid it. I live in a naice area and DD still comes home with this. You would be amazed what 4yo's are (apparently) allowed to watch/do. And then tell my DD all about it! I try to brush it off with "that's silly, isn't it?" when she tells me.

Wait for "you're NOT my best friend any more!" said with real feeling.

All you can do, unless you opt out of nursery/school altogether, is register your unimpressedness and steer your DTD towards better behaviour.

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:30

I know that I can't stop her picking up bad habits, it's just I want every other child to be brought up with the same high standards as I try to bring up my own. I don't want her saying 'Shut up' and 'You're stupid' to either myself OR ANYONE else whether they're her friends or not. Rudeness to anyone isn't acceptable in my books.

OP posts:

pictish · 03/05/2012 21:30

Yep.
Suck it up buttercup. Your job is to teach her right from wrong in the face of it. As we all have to.

DowagersHump · 03/05/2012 21:31

You just keep reinforcing that it's not acceptable to say that kind of thing

pictish · 03/05/2012 21:32

it's just I want every other child to be brought up with the same high standards as I try to bring up my own

Just you wait and see what your girls have in store for you, before you go defining your parenting as being high standard.
You may be eating your words soon enough.

timetosmile · 03/05/2012 21:32

Assuming she never hears you saying it to anyone in the family, including other adults
then tell her "I don't like that talk, and we don't say that in our family",
and tell her again and again and again.....she'll get the message!

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:33

Ok, i get it, Maybe I'm naive, not unreasonable

OP posts:

DowagersHump · 03/05/2012 21:33

it's just I want every other child to be brought up with the same high standards as I try to bring up my own

Hahahahaha. Sorry, but your kids are going to meet other children who are a lot worse

Fifivisage · 03/05/2012 21:33

Yes you need to get used to it. A lot of these kids probably have older siblings which means they are exposed to more earlier from siblings and friends. It is unavoidable and often nothing to do with parents just more exposure to outside influences.

Sunscorch · 03/05/2012 21:35

From my experience of school (admittedly very little Nursery), teachers will try to pull up children on most rudeness. "Shut up" has been a particular bugbear for every school I've worked in.

But unless the staff are going to follow every child around non-stop all day, then children will be rude to each other. And other children will pick it up.

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:35

Thanks Timetosmile I'll keep reinforcing it.
Pictish Didn't mean to get your back up. I don't think I'm the perfect parent but I do aim to bring my girls up the way that I was brought up and in my opinion, that's of a high standard.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 03/05/2012 21:39

Get used to it, it will get worse in primary school and when they get start playing outside.

Don't judge this other child. She may have only heard this phrase once or twice before, but enjoys saying it and the reactions of others. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is rude or that her parents don't teach her good manners.

bobbledunk · 03/05/2012 21:39

This is only the beginning..

perfectpins · 03/05/2012 21:43

My dd went to nursery for 6 weeks at a sought after school said the f word, told me things that horrified me. I spoke to the head who said dd was a good listener and she would mature quicker by hearing things like her friends mummy had a different boyfriend every night and that it was ok for a 5 yr old to punch anyone who talked to dd.

I took her out, homeschooled and have never looked back. She now has a friend (my ex friends dd) who hopefully is drifting away who she sees weekly who tells her about the abuse she gets. Every other friend is wonderful. My dd has dyxpraxia so can come across as rude but not in an aggressive manner- more wanting attention.

I would have a polite word with the school and tell them your personal standards.

ivykaty44 · 03/05/2012 21:43

you must make sure that you dd knows to pick her friends wisely - this is really important to instil in your child. You need to get a grip and get this sorted otherwise there will be a lot of trouble later and goosness help you in the teen years if you don't get this sorted now.

Discourage all bad friendships and talk to your dd about making friends with nice girls otherwise she will get into trouble - think teen pg and drug taking

YOU MUST ACT NOW

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:44

DioneTheDiabolist Her parents are lovely from what I see on pickup. I'm not judging anyone else, I just don't want my DD to think it's okay to speak like that and don't really want her spoken to like that.
8Bobbledunk* laugh away!! My parents have already informed me how their little angel turned into their worst nightmare!! The twins are off to a nunnery so I won't have to deal with any of that

OP posts:

pictish · 03/05/2012 21:46

This thread's going to be a corker.

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:46

ivykaty44 Point taken

OP posts:

FruitPastillesForever · 03/05/2012 21:47

It does happen and I fully expect my son to pick up bad habits... It's not great but it's life... Feel for you though.

pictish · 03/05/2012 21:47

YOU MUST ACT NOW

Excellent.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 03/05/2012 21:48

it's just I want every other child to be brought up with the same high standards as I try to bring up my own and in turn there will be parents who feel your standards aren't high enough - stones and glass houses.

She could be saying a lot worse - all you have to do is parent your own child and it will be fine.

ivykaty44 · 03/05/2012 21:49

actually shelly - when your dd does get to teens - it really is worth trying to instil that she needs to pick her friends wisely or end up in trouble.

As a parent pick the nice friends and encourage them and never ever mutter about the friends you don't like

Ask the nice friends for tea.

90% of teen behaviour is determine by their peers - remember that so help them have nice peers and you will have an easier ride through the turbulent years

Original poster

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:49

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs There may well be. I said I TRY, like every other decent parent TRIES to bring their child up with high standards. Or do you not agree...???

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