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Original poster

To be cross that my dd is picking up rudeness from nursery

74 replies

Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:23

I have twins and I know that at nursery , one of my daughters is playing with an older girl who has, in my opinion, taught her some bad habits. The other daughter plays with a completely different set of friends, in fact my two girls almost lead separate lives at nursery.

The one DD has started to tell me and her grandparents who care for her regularly to 'Shut up' and says 'You're stupid.' The other twin has never said this. I asked both girls where this type of language came from and they both said 'X' a girl at nursery who often speaks like that to the one daughter who plays with her.

I've spoken with my one daughter and she knows it's wrong but I'm a little disappointed that she's picking these things up at the age of 2.5 and that she's being spoken to in this way by another child.

OP posts:
lazylula · 03/05/2012 21:51

I have no idea if ds2 says 'shut up' or 'stupid' or 'poo poo bum' at pre school but he uses them alot at home but no amount of reprimanding, ignoring or talking to him will stop it at the moment. It certainly is not a reprsentation of my parenting, just a phase and something he has picked up from his older brother, who picked i up at school. One of those thing I am afraid and I think you are being unreasonable thinking your parenting is better than someone elses!

Original poster
Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:52

ivykaty44 That advice is much appreciated Smile I assume the same advice goes for boyfriends or do I not have a hope in hell of having any say in that thinks back to when she was a teenager..

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 03/05/2012 21:54

Neither I nor any of my family swear around the children, yet DS's nursery asked me to speak to him as he would yell "fucking morons" as he would drive the Cosy Coupee and the other kids had started to copy him.Blush

Turns out he heard it once when my uncle was giving him a lift.

ivykaty44 · 03/05/2012 21:55

no say in boyfriends - and omg I have had some drongoes walk through the door - how I don't let my jaw hit the floor I don't know.

But I always make the waful boy friends seem really really welcome and talk about how lovely they are Wink she seems to go off them pretty quick - the nice boyfirends don't be so nice to them and then the dd likes them a bit a longer

Original poster
Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:56

Oh dear, I definitely didn't mean to come across as judgemental of the parents of the child who has taught my daughter these words. The child must have picked them up from somewhere though. Lazylula I don't think my parenting is better. I just wanted to convey that I didn't think that type of dialogue was particularly pleasant/appropriate/acceptable in a 2yr old. It isn't to me anyway..

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 03/05/2012 21:59

shelly - thing is you are you and your dc are not you and you can not control them, you can guide them, you can show them how you want them to be - but they will be themselves and sometime they will do things that you don't like Grin and then you wonder what you have done wrong - you didn't you can only guide and hope for the best long term.

timetosmile · 03/05/2012 21:59

DS (11) and I have negotiated...

-words I hope he would never use in any context

-words which do not pass inside our front door --but I suspect he uses with his peers

-words which although I can be sniffy about, are useable at home mostly to do with passing , ahem, wind

Original poster
Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 21:59

Ivykaty44 lol!! drongoes Grin I think that's the way my parents would have described my first bf. I held onto him like superglue until they pretended to accept him! It clearly works!! Wise woman X

OP posts:
DowagersHump · 03/05/2012 22:04

You practice a steely stare and say sternly 'We do not talk like that in this house'.

Your DD will learn soon enough what's acceptable and what isn't. :)

thirdfromleft · 03/05/2012 22:05

I felt the same way, until I realized you can't protect your kids from everything. You can teach them though that not everything they see is acceptable behaviour.

On the other hand I have seen close friendships ended because one side couldn't stand the parenting (or lack of it) of the other and the influence it was having on their kids. I don't think it is as easy as 'suck it up'.

LeeCoakley · 03/05/2012 22:17

Lol at having a polite word with the school and telling them your personal standards Grin

I suggest that everyone with these 'high' standards turns their TVs off now and never switch them on again until their children have left home. That's where most of the language comes from - Tracey Beaker, Coronation Street etc. Also agree with active parenting. It's your family - instil your values and stop being exasperated that things aren't being done to your liking all the time!

lazylula · 03/05/2012 22:19

It isn't to me either but what I am tryong to say is tgat although ds2 says these things does not mean I do not strive to be a good parent as you seem to suggest in an earlier post. The child saying it to your child or infront if your child may well have heard it from another child and so on. So far ds2 has never sworn, which judging his temperament and ability to latch on to inappropriate words is a small miracle. He is nearly 4 and has been using the word stupid for over a year now. Stupid is not a word I like as my brother was regularly called it at school as he struggled to pick things up.

fluffypillow · 03/05/2012 22:20

Can you have a quiet word with the Nursery staff? Tell them your DD is picking up some bad words, and could they keep an eye on the situation.

YANBU. I would not be surprised if an older child started picking up these habits, but for a 2.5 year old? Not acceptable imo.

KitchenandJumble · 03/05/2012 22:59

LOL at not judging the other child's parents but adding "she must have picked up those words from somewhere." Er, she probably picked them up from another child at nursery. Just as your own little darling did, your own "high standards" notwithstanding.

Original poster
Shelly32 · 03/05/2012 23:02

Thanks for all the good advice Smile

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:02

yabu your twins will mix with cheeky or rude children all you can do is keep instilling that she isnt to be rude and she is only 2 n a half so really its a phase as long as you keep at her to use her manners she will turn out fine , you cant protect her forever on something like this

zzzzz · 03/05/2012 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 03/05/2012 23:08

When my first boyfriend came to visit, my mum said 'there's a very clean dwarf at the door'.

I was all like 'oh my god mum' about it but with hindsight...

timetosmile · 03/05/2012 23:10

Grin at morris

iphoned · 03/05/2012 23:10

I would think it is the nursery's job to tell children not to say "stupid" and "shutup"...Why arent the teachers telling the girl she can't speak like that?

fluffypillow · 03/05/2012 23:13

Yes zzzzz It is rude to say 'shut up'! Especially coming from a 2.5yr old.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/05/2012 23:19

Fluffy I would disagree that "shut up" is particularly rude from a 2yo. Unlike, say, a teenager or adult, a 2yo is only aware of the words and possibly the effect on others. They are not aware of the real meaning or intention of these words.

zzzzz · 03/05/2012 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katykuns · 03/05/2012 23:23

Perfectly reasonable to be cross... but as others have said, it won't get you anywhere. I have been recently quite pleased that my daughter has drifted away from her 'best friend'... and on to another, because she seemed to be coming out with bitchy remarks and was generally much more attitudey after spending time with her.

It just so happened that this girl was very spoilt, and I witnessed her talk to her Mum like a piece of sh*t... I was absolutely horrified, particularly as this girl is 5 :/
Daughter started using the same tone of voice and some of the words this girl used. Be reassured that friendships rarely last and eventually you find other children with similar parents as yourself lol

NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 23:44

What!!