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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mortified and embarrassed... and to have been cross with this bouncer.

18 replies

crosspatched · 03/05/2012 20:10

Last night the ILs had the DCs as I was working and DH had a stag do - just a few drinks locally. Where we live has a very 'trendy' High St with lots of bars etc. Anyway I was enjoying a QNI, had a glass of Wine, DH rang and said he and the stag were in a bar/club literally at the end of our road, 5 min walk, and I should come out (stag and I also good friends).

I said okay then and threw on some clothes and mascara and headed out. Got to the bar, which was practically empty, and the bouncer wouldn't let me in!!! He asked for ID and said it was policy, I said I had credit cards but no DL or passport, he said everyone had to show ID, I asked if he'd asked my husband for ID as he was inside and I was coming to join him, he said he couldn't let me in without ID and then let a bunch of people in past me (without checking ID!). It was like that scene in Knocked Up if you know it. I was so humilated.

I said "look, I know how this works and if you think I am not attractive enough to be in your bar then fine but I need to go and get my husband so he can leave too", and he said "I'm not saying that you're too ugly to come in", and then let me in.

Didn't want to make the stag feel bad so sort of laughed it off, talked about putting more makeup on etc but I was Blush and Angry

Today I've been thinking about it a lot... DH is older than me and he and his friend were let in (not asked for ID of course, nor challenged in any way), the women who were there were all 20s and short skirts of course but I feel really old and disgusting today. I'm only 32, I didn't think I was past going to clubby bars nor that I look shit, but obviously I am and I do Sad

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 03/05/2012 20:13

Honestly - it may not have been anything like that. You say youself you "threw on some clothes" - maybe you were not well dressed enough or smart enough. Nothing to do with you face. Am sure you are perfectly lovely looking, but maybe "trendy" winebar and "thrown on" clothes dont mix

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 20:13

Perhaps he thought you were someone he'd barred in the past?

w3dnesday · 03/05/2012 20:14

Aw now don't think like that!
Once the bouncer asked you for ID he has to either see some or turn you away if you can't produce any, otherwise he would personally be fined (i assume it works the same way as for till operators in shops).

Original poster
crosspatched · 03/05/2012 20:16

I looked fine and perfectly in keeping with what other people were wearing clothes-wise - DH and his friend were in jeans and manky (sorry DH), t shirts! I wasn't in a short skirt but was wearing black skinny jeans, long tunic top thing, it was inoffensive.

And he let me in without seeing ID in the end... he didn't say I was barred or anything.

OP posts:
fannybaws · 03/05/2012 20:17

Cross patched do not let a doorman make you feel rubbish!
32 is nothing and as you said you legged out the door in a hurry.
I am 42 this year, now you should be really happy you are not me :)

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 03/05/2012 20:19

Perhaps they have an over 25 policy and you don't look it Grin

Chunkamatic · 03/05/2012 20:23

Do you look young? I'm 31 and dont particularly look young but got refused a bottle of wine recently as I didnt have ID (I was quite happy!!). I dont think it sounds like it was to do with the way you looked - other than your age- tbh.

catgirl1976 · 03/05/2012 20:23

Well if you were dressed fine, then as pom says perhaps you don't look 25 :) I wouldn't be letting that upset me!

BerryLellow · 03/05/2012 20:24

I was going to say that PomBear - It may be down to Think25 - so anyone who looks younger than that gets IDd. They may have slipped up with it and got caught out letting in underage people really and are clamping down.

MikeLitoris · 03/05/2012 20:27

I got refused entry to a bar at the weekend for being to drunk.

I hadn't even had a drink Shock

I have no idea why. I didn't fall over or rant or anything for a change

The bouncer would not give a reason. Just said his decision was final.

I must be a right munter Grin

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 20:30

I was out on a works do, and we all got barred entry to a club for being too old/not trendy enough

we just laughed < har bloody harrrr >

LRDtheFeministDragon · 03/05/2012 20:31

He's just doing his job.

I wonder if it's the same as with supermarkets - apparently there if they ask you for ID and you've not got it, they're not meant to back down, they have to either call over a manager or refuse you.

I can see why it was really annoying but I'm sure it says nothing at all about the way you look, except presumably youthful!

IAmBooyhoo · 03/05/2012 20:39

bouncers can have odd policies IMO. i got refused entry from a bar once for being from NI (i was in wales). at least i assume that was what the problem was. was going in with a (male and welsh) friend. we were talking as we approached the door and bouncer asked me (but not friend) for ID. i produced NI driving license (had gotten me in everywhere else that weekend) and he said he couldn't accept it. i asked why. he said it wasn't a welsh one. i said it's a valid uk driving license. he said it had to be a welsh one. i asked him if that meant his bar was only open to welsh drivers. he didn't answer.

Original poster
crosspatched · 03/05/2012 20:40

I'd like to put it down to looking young! But the people he let in past me were all early 20s and I am pretty raddled-looking without the slap Wink

I think I just didn't look 'good' enough - by whatever criteria. Not enough effort made maybe (not enough makeup or something).

OP posts:
samandi · 04/05/2012 09:27

Some bouncers go off on little power trips about who they let in. I'd say it was more to do with him and less with you.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/05/2012 09:50

You're not past it (well if you are theres not bloody hope for me) and I very much doubt you looked shit, the bouncer is just a dick head who was on a little power trip!

ENormaSnob · 04/05/2012 11:02

Oh god take no notice.

I know about 4 bouncers and all are, erm, thick tbh.

YonWhaleFish · 04/05/2012 11:21

I have witnessed bouncers not letting people in as they deemed them "too old" / "too ugly."

It happens, sadly. Well, what happened was we were loitering outside the club having a fag when this occurred and as it seemed off to me I badgered the doorman until he told me why he didn't let them in. It's supposed to be an 'alternative' nightclub too!

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