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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu re labour and mil?

85 replies

mythical · 03/05/2012 15:42

I was talking to dh yesterday about what will happen when I go into labour.
Plan is (or at least I thought It was!) - mil will drive us to the hospital when needs be and then come back as soon as I give birth to meet her granddaughter, have cuddles and so on!
Dh was under the impression she will stay with us during the whole thing.
Now I really do get along well with my mil (we live together) but I find the whole thing quite private and I don't think I would be comfortable with her there.
Dh is saying he doesn't know how to approach the subject and "tell her" she can't stay.
I don't want to be mean but I wouldn't want my mum there either if she would be able to come! ( she lives in another country)
He needs to talk to her as soon as possible really but he keeps saying he doesn't know how to bring it up..
I definitely don't know how to bring it up!

OP posts:

diddl · 04/05/2012 08:35

Glad it´s sorted out, but don´t like the sound of him not wanting to tell her no because he thought she wanted to be there!

He does realise that you will be giving birth, doesn´t he?

dondon33 · 04/05/2012 10:37

Bloody men!!! :)
Good, things have worked out for you Mythical without having to upset your MIL, not that it would have mattered as it was your choice.
I asked my mum to be there at the birth of my first as well as my now ex as I knew she would be more help than him. However, it scarred her :( nothing bad happened she just didn't like it, so much so she didn't attend any more births of her grandchildren.
I'm with a different partner now and in the process of TTC and we have already spoken about his mum coming in for the birth. At the moment I'm not arsed really, but to fair while i'm in the throes of labour the philharmonic orchestra, England football squad or sky news reporter could be present and I don't care :) but we'll see at the time.
Good luck with the birth of your baby, I wish you a speedy, happy and relaxed delivery xx

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/05/2012 11:06

YANBU I know just by reading the words labour and MIL in your thread title you weren't being unreasonable

I'm flummoxed as to why your DH would be under the assumption MIL will be there for the whole thing unless he hadn't spoken to you about it, which he clearly hasn't.

He's made a booboo he needs to sort it out. You have more important things to think about than sorting out the mistake he's made.

Original poster

mythical · 04/05/2012 11:09

I know, he's sorry and "gets it" now. We've been to all the classes together and he knows what to expect (well, to the same extent that I do! We can't possibly know for sure what to expect)
I don't know if it's a body confidence issue or anything else but I just wouldn't feel comfortable, I'm certain of that (because of similar situations in the past where I didn't)
It would probably be easier if I didn't mind, for the extra help, but i can't really change how I feel about it.

OP posts:

scrablet · 04/05/2012 11:21

After two days of labour (induction) when something FINALLY started to happen my DH phoned my PILs. Next we knew they were on their way. By this time, was in labour suite etc with birth partner (good friend) and DH. Midwife just said, 'ok, well they're not coming in' and that was that.(Still took another 8 hours and emcs to get DD1 out tho', so only DH there at end anyway!)
Glad your MIL v sensible and understood it all anyway.

EasilyBored · 04/05/2012 11:22

Glad it's all sorted, silly DH!

Our midwife asked us when we arrived if there would be any other birth partners, when we said no, just me and husband, she said 'oh, I much prefer it when it's just the mum and her partner. I always think it was only the two of you there when the baby was made, should only be the two of you there when he arrives'. Saying that, the thought of my own mother or my MIL being there when I was in labour fills me with horror. I actually can't imagine anyone I would less like to be present.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/05/2012 11:31

I had very long labours with all three of the dses, and I was very glad that the PIL came to visit me during my labour with ds1 - there really was only so long that dh and I could look at eachother in a little hospital room without going totally batty! In fact, I walked down to the carpark with them, because they'd brought the dog as well - the walking was supposed to help make my contractions more efficient and regular, and it was great to get out into the fresh air and have a cuddle with the dog.

When I was in labour with ds3 (I had both ds2 and ds3 at home), I had an NCT coffee morning. Again, because I have such long labours, it was good to have a distraction. And of course, by the time we got to the end of my labours, it was just me, dh and the midwife.

mathanxiety · 04/05/2012 15:08

Mythical, you don't have to explain yourself or talk about 'body confidence' as if it was a problem of yours here. If you wouldn't have her in the bathroom when you're having a poo you wouldn't have her in the delivery room, and it looks as if she never had any intention of being there anyway.

But I do think your DH needs to figure out why he wanted mummy there, why he sort of expected her to be there, (and maybe ask if/why he was quite possibly trying to engineer her presence there.)

diddl · 04/05/2012 15:16

Mythical- I agree with math-no need to explain yourself for not wanting your MIL there!

Do (m)any women??

Do you think that your husband wants some support/would rather not be there?

girlpancake · 14/05/2012 20:52

Well done for talking to her yourself mythical. Always the best way.

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