to think that 'the naughty step' technique totally sucks?

[PipPipPip]

Making kids sit on a naughty step seems mean to me! Plus it also seems to reward the kid's bad behaviour with a whole load of attention.

Am I being unreasonable to think it just, basically, sucks?

Do please treat us to your wisdom then - what alternatives are you recommending?

Revert back to the good old slap?

For one thing calling it the "naughty step" is horrible. Naughty is a horrible ridiculous insulting word and shouldn't be used around children IMO. It's called a time out.

Second thing is, if you're giving a child attention while implementing a time out then you're doing it completely and utterly wrong.

Out of interest, what's your alternative?

Works for some dc, not for others.
Some parents like it, some don't.
Why get worked up about other peoples parenting methods and choices?

I find it works precisely because they get zero attention while they are sat on it, though it isn't effective for every child

What do you do instead?

Worked wonders over here actually.

Haha, oh dear, I was nervous that someone would ask me to explain myself! I secretly suspect that I might actually be being a bit unreasonable!

You see, my baby is still really small, so I haven't had to face this issue yet. But I was watching a friend trying to discipline her toddler recently and the whole 'naughty step' schtick seemed to be such a performance...and ineffective too.

Am I being unreasonable to think there are other alternatives? Like, uh, being really nice to your kid and explaining things to them? And kind of just ignoring bad behaviour and lavishly praising good behaviour? Am I totally bonkers???

You're doing it wrong
If you are giving them
Loads
Of attention

ha ha ha

Good luck.

And children are never naughty? On which planet?

YABU it really works for my son as it removes him from a situation and stops him getting any attention. His behaviour improved dramatically within a few days and the threat of the 'step' is usually enough.

our child seemed t think it was a game seeing just how many times we would have to put him back before we caved. after an hour he won. utterly useless exhausting technique when the child thinks its a game.

It depends. Some children hardly need any formal discipline at all, they just have a few small meltdowns now and again but for the most part they're pretty compliant. Then there are other children who hit the age of two and decide they want the world to run their way and no one is going to tell them otherwise. Explanations don't really work in that situation and sometimes just removing them from a fraught mess and letting them calm down in a time out is the best thing to do. It's not a punishment as such, it's a way of teaching a child not to escalate a situation but to walk away from it if it gets too much.

If a parent implements it incorrectly it's completely useless. Implemented correctly I've seen it dramatically change children's behaviour. And by dramatically I mean you would not even recognise the child after six months. I saw one child with ASD go from screaming kicking and tantrumming to calm, reasonable and gentle in one school term due to the consistent use of time outs by his teachers.

children aren't naughty? dont be daft of course they can be. caling it something different doesnt change the fact the child was doing something they shouldn't (being naughty).

bizare viewpoint

kayano that is very nearly a haiku! Just need to keep 'loads' in the middle line and add an extra syllable to the last line...

Totally works over here too but we call it the thinking step. No attention when they're on it and they 'think' about what they have done to end up there. Also gives everyone a chance to calm down.

My parents did this and it worked effectively. Until I figured out that when I got bored I could just take myself off to bed.

OP, there are other alternatives, but 'time-out' is a tactic to use when trying to reason with your child or ignore bad behaviour is no longer working, not as the first resort.

It never worked for us, but neither did anyting else, they just grew up and learnt self control which I suspect they would have done no matter what we did.
The naughty step saved me from throttling them a few times though.

I don't think you should ignore your child hitting someone.

What if they hit you and you try talking to them and they just keep hitting you?

It can be very effective.

You should not be giving lots of attention, the point of the naughty step/time out/thinking chair/grey cloud or whatever you want to call it is the lack of attention their bad behaviour gets.

YABU to think something 'sucks' when you've never used it!

I think the naughty step doesn't reward bad behaviour with attention. Done the right way, the child has very little attention.

We prefer 'stand and think'. It's more reflective. Ends with the child not loosing face but developing compassions/understanding etc. Stand and think lasts only for a few seconds until the child is properly ready to talk. I'll then ask what made him do xxxx, how he think it made me feel and what does he think she could do next time.

mini - if he won after an hour then you effectively gave up. The idea is to keep doing it until THEY give up and know you really mean it.

Time out is excellent for when everyone feels explosive and needs to quickly calm the situation

Ours is a thinking step. Go and think about what you have just done....(couple of minutes later) we talk about why he shouldn't do what he just did, he goes and makes it better or tells me what he should have done instead.

I'm desperately trying to focus on the positive with dc2 who is rapidly becoming one of those defiant/spirited kids who will sing and dance his way through his 'thinking' time to distract him from being sorry for bashing his brother over the head for the millionth time today.

YANBU but you are BU to hoist your judgy pants before you have a terrible two year old to deal with.

Mmm, fabulous responses. Thanks! Thinking of it as a "thinking step" makes a lot more sense to me, actually, than a "naughty step". I do like the idea of taking time out to reflect on behaviour.

Noblegiraffe - I absolutely agree that you shouldn't ignore your child hitting someone! But I just wonder if there are other ways to tackle the situation.

I'm not pretending to know what these are, just poking around for answers!!