to think that 'the naughty step' technique totally sucks?

[PipPipPip]

Making kids sit on a naughty step seems mean to me! Plus it also seems to reward the kid's bad behaviour with a whole load of attention.

Am I being unreasonable to think it just, basically, sucks?

We get on with it - it's a listening step. Being naughty always comes from not listening and not doing what we ask i.e stop hitting please. Continues = listening/naughty step.

I think the key is only using it for serious things. If its used daily it begins to mean less.

It works very well in my house and helps to calm down a situation before it goes any further. Have to keep putting him back there and walk away again but he soon gets the message

Me got 4 Dcs, oldest 22 youngest 13. I am a child minder to 4 under 5 every day.

I have no discipline problems at all to be honest.

I don't actually DO the terrible twos or tantrums. If u expect bad behaviour or label children then they generally try to live up to them.

Cant abide parents who either endlessly discuss behaviour with child. I.e ' oh Noah you know it's naughty to bite please don't do that again!! Or the types who shout and slap.

Be consistent, be firm,

If the naughty step isn't working then u r not using method correctly.

The whole point is to IGNORE the child but make sure they sit on the step.

Children need to know consistent firm fair boundaries. Just like adults

Pippippip lol u aren't even there yet!!

Also just to add boredom and tiredness usual triggers. Beat to intercept withies of fun and activities and regular naps and good nights sleep.

LOL, what lentilly said!

I like time out because it gives my son a safe quiet place to calm down. It's very hard to sit a toddler down when they are throwing a tantrum and talk to them, It mostly just winds them (and you) up and makes matters worse.

It's also a very simple and gentle way of showing your child that there are consequences for bad behavior. There are far worse things than telling your child to go sit somewhere and think about what they have done.

I wouldn't rule it out just yes OP.

thebody I love what you're saying about expecting bad behaviour. But I couldn't tell from your post whether you use a 'naughty step' approach or not. Do you?

yet

Hi pip yes I do use technique sometimes but see it as a failure on my part that things have gone that far iucwim.

I often get moms who drop their children off and say things like, ' we didn't want to put our wellied on this morning''!!! So child turns up in sandles ffor a wet school run???? Why??? Mum is adult and in charge because as the adult she knows rain and sandles = wet feet = whining toddler.

If you say it's Wellies today darling then Wellies it is, no messing. Tantrums should be ignored full stop and then child should be made to do whatever it was that parent wanted.

Parenting isn't about consulting it's about setting boundaries and expectations.

I will say though pick the battles carefully and keep their lives busy and fun, again reiterate sleep, naps, regular diet and lots of fresh air and exercise.

I agree totally thebody. I find it bizarre when parents allow a tiny child to dictate things. What a terrible responsibility to put on that poor child! Toddlers kick up a fuss about things just because they can, not because they are particularly set on wearing wellies or sandals or whatever. They're exercising their will and expressing their frustration. It's up to the parent, as the child's main teacher, to guide the child and help them make the right decision rather than just feebly backing off as soon as the child makes a noise. Imagine the confusion of a child who has a parent who never shows any decisiveness - who just wibbles at the slightest thing. It makes a child very insecure if they can't trust their parent to guide them regardless of how tough it is.

pick the battles carefully and keep their lives busy and fun, again reiterate sleep, naps, regular diet and lots of fresh air and exercise.

Absolutely spot on.

The naughty stair worked well for us from about 2-5 (seems like a million years ago though, so I could be a bit out on the ages).

The one time it backfired was when I sent ds to the naughty stair at his friend's, because he'd been wretched. Which sent his friend into a wailing mess because "it's my naughty stair."

Toddlers are regularly completely unreasonable, and being "nice" doesn't always cut the mustard.

Have you read the cutted up pear thread, OP?

I think, with very small children, that too much choice can be too much to deal with. Hence if wellies are needed, they are worn and there doesn't need to be a lengthy dialogue about options.

I don't think that "naughty steps" are the slightest bit of use with children under a certain age though and even when a little older, I'd prefer to use some "thinking time" in order to help them calm down. Only from my observation of over-regular use of "naughty steps", the more determined child just serves their time and carries on as before. I'm not saying that endless philosophical debate is a realistic option but the naughty step can be a somewhat lazy option.

Never used time out or any other 'punishment' with DS who's nearly 4 but do try and use the stuff from the book 'how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk' which I think is such a good book and works fantastically for us.

JenaiMarr What is the cutted up pear thread!?? Do share :)

Agree all last posters and yes if naughty step becomes 'lazy parenting step' then it's useless.

Cutted up pear

I like How To Talk, but the naughty stair had its place when ds was smaller for sure. The talking often came after, once I'd he'd stopped being unreasonable. Some children are more biddable than others, I think.

Never used it, seems an odd idea to me

The way I see it, if they need calming down the 'time out' thing works a treat.

But other times they need you to give their conscience a jump-start: 'time out' is completely useless for this, while a short sharp telling off can work a treat.

Re: wearing wellingtons - these parents may have been using natural consequences. One parent may decide that the consequence of not wearing wellingtons is the naughty step. Another may decide that the consequence is wet feet.

I suppose it depends how much you value your child's shoes and socks.

I think you have to decide what is causing your child's behaviour. Is it that they are too young and need firm guidance? is it that they finally need to start learning what happens when you choose the wrong shoes? (we all learn this lesson eventually, although it may take a good 30 or so years), is it that they know perfectly well what will happen if they don't wear wellingtons and are testing your reaction? Is it that their wellingtons are too small? Is it that they don't want to go to school and are stalling? Is it that they didn't get enough sleep? Is it that, whatever you do your child takes 10 minutes to get out the door and you haven't allowed enough time so everybody is shouting at each other.

A time-out/naughty step/thinking chair approach wouldn't solve most of these problems, although for some children it would be helpful some of the time.

Ah - you haven't had a toddler yet, you have a gorgeous baby, you have absolutely no idea what having a toddler is like, bless you - you will learn.

Naughty is a very mild word

Wonder what you will "never let my child do that"

You will.

Not being mean, we have all been there !

Wow at how many people use the naughty step technique!

I hate it! All because I have one friend who uses it to death - at the shops, at the zoo, in the street - and it drives me nuts when we're out together because we have to stop and wait every 10mins while the child sits on the floor till she says sorry. And in her 3yrs of using it, the child's behaviour has not improved one iota.

Works brilliantly with my dc.
Dont like it = Dont do it

I call it a 'time out' and we use the bottom stair with DD. Her tantrums are legendary in a way that DS's never were, and it gives her time to calm down in her own space and us time to calm down without her distracting us from the seriousness of the event that led to the time out. After time is up (1 minute on the step for every year of her age = 3 minutes) she comes back into the living room and we talk calmly about what has happened and why it happened and how it's left us all feeling. Sounds flighty but it works for us with DD, and she sometimes even puts herself on the bottom step when she feels like she wants a quiet few minutes, and when it's done in temper watching a 3-year-old flounce out the living room declaring she needs a time out it's very hard not to laugh!

we don't do it here
it doesn't appeal to me

I tried to use the naughty step with all of my boys but I could never get them to sit on it. How do you get them to sit on it and stay there for more than 5 seconds???