To think Fortnum & Mason should have better trained staff

[Poulay]

So I went in there to get a couple of hampers, had to take a quick lunch break, so asked at the counter 'Can I leave my basket here please, I just need to go out for half an hour.' 'Sorry we cannot keep baskets' 'So what do you expect me to do then?' After a quick check, no apology, and she changed her mind and took it off me.

Came back after lunch, I asked a man 'Could you tell me where the English breakfast tea is?' He was French, and therefore rude, and waved at it 'It's over there', rather than walking me over to them.

Then went to get the hampers to put the stuff in. 'I'd like a £40 hamper and a £20 hamper please'. So they brought them out, I put my stuff in, and then they started to ring it up. I had three items of china, from Harrods, to put in them. 'Do you have a receipt for that', she asked. 'I don't know', I said. 'It's just that we sell that one, although we don't sell the other'. 'Oh'.

I was quite put out by this, after my purchases were rung up (£176 if you please), I saw they'd actually given me the £30 hamper. Queried this. Oops, well the £20 wouldn't have fitted anyway.

I then went down to the fish counter to ask about caviar. 'Sorry I don't eat caviar, so I can't tell you about the differences', he said.

You get politer, better trained staff in my local Waitrose.

Not as bad as the touristy parts of Harrods though.

Honestly, caviar is really over rated. If it was a cheap commodity, hardly anyone would be interested in buying it. It is imo purely the fact that it is so expensive that makes it a sought after food.

Its like oysters. When they were dirt cheap in victorian Britain, the rich weren't interested in them as they taste okay, but really need tabasco sauce added to be interesting. But now they are seen as "posh" they get served in nice restaurants.

Oysters are not that expensive. 60p each in Morrisons

No they are not now true. Still seen as a bit of a "posh" food. But the cheaper they get, the less the rich will want to eat them I reckon. Apart from those who genuinely love them.

In Harrods there was a queue to buy beef at £90/kg (and up). Selfridges sell Wagyu (Australian!!!) for £250/kg, but paying over £100/kg for USDA Prime is bonkers.

oooohhh... I do like oysters. I would not buy them in UK supermarkets though. I have been badly ill after eating some once and I won't take any chances again,

Caviar, I can take it or leave it...

I did steamed oysters the other day, with seawater sabayon, garlic royale and samphire. They are pretty good steamed very lightly.

Would just like to add to the praise for the staff in Harrods, I've always found them very helpful, with no 'side' to them. (No, I don't work there. ) Some terrible drama queens (of both sexes) in Selfridges, tho.
Oysters are lovely, caviar is OK but am just as happy with salmon roe on my blini, with lots of sour cream.

Bought a teeny tiny pineapple in Selfridges once, the African lady at the till said 'What is dis? £4.50 for a pineapple. Is too much.' And she looked at me sadly at and shook her head.

She's not wrong poulay. But it's a good job you weren't buying the Iberico ham at abt £150/kilo.

I've tried the Iberico Belotta ham, while it's undoubtedly expensive, it's better than paying £150/kg for steak. In reality 100 grams is a decent amount, but I'd be pretty pissed off with 100 grams of steak.

Although you can get very nice ham for £40/kg of course, and there are very tasty charcuterie available for even half that.

Are you Margot from 'The Good Life'??

Fish eggs, that makes sense.

I'd always though caviar was fish poo.

Should have sent the servants.

Fish eggs, fish eggs, lovely lovely fish eggs. Fish eggs, fish eggs, eat them up, yum!

Personally, I think it rather gauche to discuss your tedious shopping requirements on here, Poulay.

Oysters are okay. But if they are fresh as they should be, they actually don't have that much taste imo.

Have always found Fortnums staff to b v pleasant and helpful...I am a regular customer though, and not someone who just pops in for gifts. What is this Morrisons you speak of?

This thread (and Poulay) reminds me of once when I was much much younger, and on an airplane. The trolley dolley came past announcing here wares, and I was quite taken with a beauty product with a fancy name that apparently could and would eradicate any possibly cellulite. The trolley dolley said (much like the pineapple seller, I would imagine)

"Love, you dont seriously believe this product will do anything to your cellulite? It is a waste of money"

If you tell somebody that you brought some ham, fair enough. If you tell somebody that the ham you brought has been oyster-smoked in Cheshire/Provence/Tuscany/Nagpur, by Duran Duran Oyster smokery, they will go misty eyed.

M&S was onto something, with their, "It is not just Cheesecake, it is M&S Cheesecake, where the biscuits have been crunched by happy fairies and mixed with butter made from milk from Isle of Sky, with the finest mascarpone from a hillside dairy". Heston Blu-mental has tried the same: Ylang Ylang and Green tea Smoked salmon (yuck) to some success with weird rather than exotic mix of ingredients.

Some of us, have more money than sense, and spend a lot of money on clever marketing and fancy names. There is money in how things are named.

See, it is now gauche calling cod roe caviar? It is only "caviar", and what is associated with caviar because some clever marketing person has decided to make a luxury brand of fish eggs from sturgeon, which is a heck of a lot more rare and exotic than your humble cod swimming in oil and poo outside your very own island.

Nice to hear the OP mocking the accent of the cashier at Selfridges.
Take the piss out of yourself and the english, please, not someone who you know nothing about.

Fortnum & Mason's customer service is utterly shite. It took me three months to get a refund after the Christmas Cock Up.

Mirai, I was just thinking the same. What about I come as your dinner companion to the next Poulay's little soiree?

You can sort out the flowers: I recommend getting the bouquet from Morrisons.

I am heading off to Aldi now to sort out the wine, as only the best will do for my little Poulay... I was thinking about a bottle of Toro Loco tempranillo. Then again, the Freeman's Bay Sauvignon Blanc might be a better choice to accompany the oysters... The red will go better with chicken though... Decisions, decisions...

scratches head

Yeah, I think it's supposed to be a joke...but not very clever or very fully...or very well thought out!

Some people evidently have way too much time on their hands

or very funny...I meant to say