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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send the other woman a personalised card?

58 replies

exmrs · 01/05/2012 22:48

I so want to send a card to the other woman with a few choice words in and a nice picture on the front but is that going too far?
Yes i know my husband has done wrong and he was the one married but when i confronted other woman who knew he was married and a young child she blamed me for their affair, if she would have had some remorse i could have let it go but she was proud of the fact.

OP posts:
LentillyFart · 01/05/2012 22:49

I wouldn't.

True revenge would be to move on, be happy, look great and not give a shit - outwardly at least. Put your energies into that rather than negative stuff that really won't help with your understandable anger.

Teeb · 01/05/2012 22:50

If that's the case then she would probably be quite proud that she had made you go to the extent of creating the card. Don't give her the time of day or any hint of satisfaction that she has 'won' just simply let her find out what sort of waste of space she has lined up for herself.

Hope you are doing well.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2012 22:50

Keep your dignity and walk away

The best form of revenge is happiness imo

Sending cards/texts/letters/petty messages...well it's not going to change anything is it?

The few minutes it take you to send it might feel good at the time, but the repercussions could prove very stressful.

McHappyPants2012 · 01/05/2012 22:52

let her be proud, that she took a cheating rat away from you and that if he can cheat on you with her what to stop him cheating on her

marathonrunner · 01/05/2012 22:53

I know it's very tempting but all she will do is laugh at you with her friends/your ex. She is the one who has ended up with a tosser so you are the winner really. Try your hardest to not think about her. He will probably do the same to her anyway.

RightFedUp · 01/05/2012 22:54

Just don't do it. She'll feel as if she's 'won'.
Try pity - after all, she's ended up with your 'leavings' because she couldn't do any better for herself.

ratspeaker · 01/05/2012 22:54

Tempting though it may be,dont do it. Instead give yourself a present of something she doesn't have
Dignity.

Frontpaw · 01/05/2012 22:58

No! Pick out some really beautiful card. Address it to 'a beautiful, smart, funny and proud woman'. Post it to self.

Sod her. Don't waste the 60p.

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2012 22:58

See I like the idea of dignity but think I'd be more likely to remove his bollocks and post them to her!

exmrs · 01/05/2012 22:59

I know it is wrong but i just want her to know the devastation this has done but i suppose she will have it done to her one day

OP posts:
exmrs · 01/05/2012 23:00

wolfiefan i was tempted to throw his dirty undies all over her garden which are still in the wash basket but i couldnt bring myself to touch them lol

OP posts:
Rhinosaurus · 01/05/2012 23:01

I wouldn't. It might feel good at the time, but will provide them with something to unite in slagging you off over.

Maintain dignity, believe in karma.

Sassybeast · 01/05/2012 23:05

It won't make any difference to her. She isn't capable of caring about the devastation they have caused and they will both use it as 'proof' of how unstable and irrational you are (ex wives are always unstable and irrational Wink )
If it helps, write an email. Don't press send.
Keep it and look back at it in the days and months ahead as you get stronger. Because you WILL get stronger. And your dignity will be intact.

letseatgrandma · 01/05/2012 23:14

No, don't. Imagine her face when receiving it-she will probably find it funny and will just laugh about it/you with her friends. Save your money and your dignity.

She's got the idiot-sounds like you are well shot of him.

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2012 23:15

Leave her to deal with the undies. She will soon be sick of him! Move on and be happy. Not all men are shits!

flyingspaghettimonster · 01/05/2012 23:20

If you know her address, sogn up for loads of junk mail for her... Catalogues for saga holidays, funeral homes etc... That is what my step dad did when mum left him. He got the hohse number wrong though so it all got sent to the empty house next door. He was happy thinking of mum getting all that crap mail, she was happy knowing he had screwed it up. Win-win.

TheBigJessie · 01/05/2012 23:41

Don't bother. Save the money and put it towards the "great new hair" fund.

boringnickname · 01/05/2012 23:42

save your money, leave the revenge to karma

M0naLisa · 01/05/2012 23:44

i agree, look great and hold your head high

TheBigJessie · 01/05/2012 23:45

And, she will have it done to her, and she will have all the pain you're in now, PLUS she will cringe at how she treated you right now. She will feel such a fool then.

openerofjars · 01/05/2012 23:46

Don't do it, unless it just consists of the line, "When a man marries (or in your case shacks up with) his mistress, he creates a job vacancy".

And nothing else.

Schnarkle · 01/05/2012 23:52

No, No , No step away.

ErikNorseman · 02/05/2012 06:41

Noooooooooo
It will just feed her ego. Feel free to hate and despise her all you like but do not let her see how hurt you are. It gives her power over you.

blueballoon79 · 02/05/2012 08:09

Woman like her won't care about the devastation they have caused you. I agree with what others have said. Focus on yourself, making yourself happy, eating healthily and looking great.

I speak from experience as being through the situation myself. My partner left me for a woman he was working with. At first I moped around feeling miserable and even went round to her house to confront her (luckily she was out at the time).

In the end I started exercising, looking after myself, dyed my hair got a haircut and bought some new clothes. I ended up feeling fantastic and not caring anymore about either of them.

They on th other hand were miserable. She didn't trust him one bit as she worried constantly that he'd be running off with someone else, just as he did to me with her and she wouldn't, and five years later on, still won't let him out on his own for drinks with his friends. She's incredibly jealous and possessive and they're both unhappy. Karma got them both and that for me is the best kind of revenge!

I'm sorry you're hurting now, I know how it feels. You will recover from this though and be a much stronger person and in the end you'll be relieved she did you a favour and took him away from you.

Come back to this thread in a years time and I'm sure you'll see I was right! Grin

habbibu · 02/05/2012 08:12

They say living well is the best revenge, and I think it's true. Spend the money on yourself.