I want a dog, DH doesn't... Is he BU?

[Kushti]

I am very keen to get a dog and so are DC's but DH is adamant he doesn't want one and will not even consider the idea as he just doesn't want animals in the house, and as we rent it would be impractical.

Is he being unreasonable to have the final word and not even consider it? Obviously there is no way we can get one if we aren't all in agreement.

Haven't read whole thread and don't have time to this morning - but we were in this situation when ddtwins started school. We compromised, as I was also considering what to do to earn money now I had 6 hours free babysitting every school day - my dog walking business is now flourishing, I get all the fun of company with about 25 different dogs each week, and my only bill is my annual dogwalkers insurance!

Must go and take a gang of young Labs and Retrievers out for their morning rampage xxx

Oops damn iPhone

Just to clarify I don't hate dogs I'm just not prepared to look after one. I don't have the energy with a young baby as well.

I think a dog is a huge responsibility. And if your DH is absolutely against it then I think that's fair enough. But he should give reasons and not just say no. We have a cat. I couldn't even think about committing to a dog. With twice daily walks and so on.

YABU. I adore our pup, but it is much harder than I thought it would be. The mess, the smell, the minor damage to floors/walls...keeping on top of it adds half an hour of housework every day. DH isn't an animal lover, but agreed to the dog as long as I took care of it. The pup still impacts massively on his life. You cannot ignore a puppy. He does walk him, will pick up poo and feed him etc, but he has not fallen in love with him. He is kind and tolerant, but if the dog disappeared tomorrow I think he'd breathe a sigh of relief and joyfully air the house out. I don't regret our dog, and he will be with us until he dies, but if I knew just how uncomfortable having him would make DH, I wouldn't have pushed.

It's a shame, but I agree it's usually a really bad idea to get a dog unless everyone in the household (particularly the adults!) is happy with it. I think dogs are wonderful, but they are a big commitment - they take up a lot of time, cost a lot of money, cause a lot of mess and chaos (especially puppies!), restrict you in terms of going for days out, holidays etc, if your working hours change you need to consider who looks after the dog. It's worth it if you love dogs, but otherwise would probably cause a lot of resentment and conflict.

Having a dog can be problematic when you rent, he's right about that. Of course many people manage, and there are no absolute guarantees even if you own (my younger dog came to us via rescue after his original family lost their house and had to move into a rented flat). But it's something to think about.

I'm sorry for you OP. It's hard if you'e a dog lover and your partner isn't.
I was married to my ex for 11 years, he didn't want pets, so we couldn't have them.
The first thing I did when we separated was get two kittens, followed a couple of years later by a dog.
Not suggesting you do anything that drastic, but I do know how you feel

Update! Our landlady has agreed that we can have a dog. I had a long talk with DH over dinner and he says it is because he is worried I will change my mind and that I ought to be giving all my attention to DS3 who is 18 months old, he feels if we get a dog my attention will be divided ... DD2 is starting school in September so I will have a lot more free time on my hands. We never holiday abroad and we can cover the coats of a dog financially. I still think he is being UR

YABU - and I speak as someone who loves dogs.

I had to work on DP for years before he'd agree to me having a dog (ended up with two - a sort of BOGOF) but if he'd never said yes I'd have had to lump it or leave. He's entitled to his opinion too.

Could you do volunteer dog walking for a neighbour - enjoy the dog's company and the exercise, but the dog wouldn't be your responsibility? Could that be a compromise?

I don't actually know anyone locally with a dog and apparently the local dogs home is not accepting anymore dog walkers as its quota is full.

I don't think it's fair to force someone to have a pet. He's entitled to not want a dog.

A dog is a big commitment that will affect you all. They can't be left alone for any length of time so either it goes with you or you have to cut short a trip out to come back to see to the dog.

It's going to require interaction from him, he can't really ignore it, can he? Is he going to resent it? When you can't visit such and such a place because you can't take a dog with you and it's too far/too long and the dog can't be left - he's going to be cursing!

When everything you do requires planning for the dog - can we take the dog here, is this too long to leave the dog, will we be back in time for the dog, who's going to have the dog - someone who didn't even WANT the dog is going to get pretty pissed off.

And suppose you are ill and can't walk the dog? Dog needs to be walked, regardless. He has to do it? He who doesn't WANT the dog? Will he do nothing at all for the dog or will he be expected to help care for a dog he doesn't want?

And is it fair to bring a dog into a family where one member doesn't even want it? Surely a dog deserves to be in a home where it's wanted by everyone there?

My sister's got a dog. He's a gorgeous lad and I love him to bits. I taught him to sit on the edge of the sofa when she gives the Sit command and to 'kiss' by putting his muzzle on my face when I say "Kiss". He's great.

I'd never have one though. He's great cos he's not mine! The number of times she has to cut something short because she's got to get back for the dog! The hassle they have with holidays. The walking in sun, rain, sleet and snow! The mud all over the floor! The shedding of so much bloody hair over everything! The barking - oh god, the barking!

They tie you, totally. Which is great if you love dogs and you feel it's worth it. They can give you so much - but you have to WANT one.

yabvu.
im scared of dogs, and esp have a fear of dogs and children together. i hate every thing about them. nor do i wish to have the responasbilty of one
my ex husband and i had moved to vegas, we had a 3 year old and a 7 week year old. hes always wanted a dog, and i compermised when the children where older we could look at a small one. any way. 3 weeks into having left all my friends and family to move to a different country with him, along with a newborn he decideds to come hom with a dog. i think thats the day i lost all my remaining respect for him.

if your need for a dog is greater then your want to keep your relationship, all accounts go and get one. but be ready for your partner to leave.

Not really. I like dogs, but I wouldn't really want one in the house at the moment, and (having had them in the past) they're such a big commitment that I think you both actively have to want one to put up with all the stuff that comes with them, IYSWIM.

He does actually like dogs, he is just being stubborn. He has admitted he likes them and is always playing with my Dad's dog but I think the problem is that he has never had a pet in the house before so it seems a bit daunting.

I like dogs.

There's a huge difference between liking other people's dogs and wanting your own!

"...he's just being stubborn"

You have had so many posters trying to explain why YABU, and yet you choose to ignore these and stick to your selfishness.

What if your landlady has to sell up and gives you notice? Would you be in a position to buy if you are unable to find another pet friendly rental?

Days out will be limited to four hours out unless the dog comes with, which greatly limits the places you can go. Particularly in the summer when dogs are banned from pretty much everywhere.

Kennelling in the NE (one of the cheapest places to live) is around £18 per day so even UK holidays can double in price.

Camping is an option, but again it limits you in where you can eat/drink etc. while you are on holiday.

Then there is the hair, mud, scratched flooring, pee and poop, vomit - lots of dogs have this annoying habit of managing only to vomit on the 1m squared of carpetted floor in the whole house . Sleepless nights during the puppy stages or settling in stage if you go for a rescue dog.

Then there's training and the cost of that. Insuring and the cost of that. Vet fees. etc. etc.

Your time would be taken away from dd. DH is right about that.

Think very carefully about all of this before you go ahead pressuring your DH into something he is not happy with. If it all goes tits up he will make sure you know it was your fault.

Owning a dog is about far more than just liking them. Have you ever lived with or owned a dog before OP?

"he is worried I will change my mind and that I ought to be giving all my attention to DS3 who is 18 months old, he feels if we get a dog my attention will be divided"

No idea why you're sceptical, your attention will be divided unless you plan to neglect the dog! I'd read what he's said as a positive though; To me that says when the kids are a bit more grown up and your mind hasn't altered then he might be more amenable to a compromise.

Looking at it from his point of view, you're asking him to spend a large sum of family money on something which will require loads of time/effort sacrifices, take away some personal freedoms, restrict where you might be able to live and make make that home more messy. I know there are huge benefits from owning a dog, but you must admit the downsides can be significant.

"he is just being stubborn."
And you're not?

I think the point about you renting and having difficulty moving on if you have a dog is a good one. Not many landlords will take pets and if your current rental falls through, it will massively restrict you moving.

I don't like dogs, so it's not something I could compromise over, my husband also really really wants a dog as do the children, but it's just one of those things.

The person who set up a dog walking business, what a brilliant idea if you love dogs!

I don't know if the majority vote thing really works if it is something that is going to impact massively on one person and make them feel uncomfortable in their own home. If dh and dd (once she is old enough) decided they wanted smoking to be allowed in this house they could carry it by majority vote but I would still feel that was unfair on me, because it would affect my quality of life to such an extent.

I love dogs and have always wanted one; but have come to the conclusion that I don't actually want one any longer: I don't want the responsibility, I don't want the restrictions on my freedom, I don't want yet another creature with claims on me, I don't want to spend the money either tbh and I don't want the feeling that my life will be constricted for years to come.

Children in many ways are far less of a constraint: they become quite independent as they grow up, you can take them almost anywhere, they can eat almost anything and you don't have to pay if they fall ill.

YABU

Just because your DH is happy to play with other dogs doesn't mean he will be happy to have a dog. I don't mind dogs and sometimes enjoy playing with other people's dogs but I would hate having one living in my house.

It will impact your DH - the extra noise and mess and smell and lack of flexibility will definitely affect him, even if you do all the day to day looking after.

Plus - you rent. I know your current landlord has said yes, but what if you have to move? It is very very difficult to find landlords who allow dogs. What would you do with your dog if you have to move to a no-pets property?

Do you have any neighbours who have a dog? If so, I wonder if you could ask for the DCs to play with/walk their dog sometimes? They might be delighted ...

Yes I think I am being stubborn and perhaps a little selfish. I think I will give it some more time and see how he feels then. I do think he may come round to the idea, but it does appear now is not the time.

We didn´t have a dog until the children were old enough to be left for the time it needs walking even if ill as husband at work all day.

I would hate to have a dog or a cat. If my husband wanted one he'd get a flat "no". I have considered it, and I don't want a cat or dog, to me it's not negotiable and I doubt I'll ever change my mind.
I would never have married my husband if he had made it clear that he wanted a dog. I like my animals outside in the wild mixing with other wild animals and if I was going to devote time to animals would rather work at preserving the habitat of wild ones than artificially domesticating one for my own purposes to fuss over it and give me something to do..