I want a dog, DH doesn't... Is he BU?

[Kushti]

I am very keen to get a dog and so are DC's but DH is adamant he doesn't want one and will not even consider the idea as he just doesn't want animals in the house, and as we rent it would be impractical.

Is he being unreasonable to have the final word and not even consider it? Obviously there is no way we can get one if we aren't all in agreement.

How do you know he hasn't considered it?

Not recommending my approach to anyone else, I should add. Not good doggy management at all.

no he's not BU, what if you have to move? you'll be very limited

tinkertitonk - thank you for that incorrect judgement

I assume he hasn't considered it as he told me he wouldn't even consider it.

tinkertitonk - actually, please elaborate on what I have said that makes you think I am self centered.

I think you need to talk to him about why.

DP hates cats - really hates them - because he works in wildlife conservation and hates their effect on bird populations. It's a real deep-rooted thing and I know he'd never agree to get one.

On the other hand, when we first got together I was spending a lot of time at my mum's and she has a dog. The first time he went back there with me, I had forgotten to mention it and the first notice he got was when he heard her barking at the strange man on the driveway!

But his dislike of dogs was mostly down to not having been around them and fearing them a little. Now he loves DM's dog and wants one of our own some day.

Can you talk about his feelings about dogs, maybe get him to spend some time with one? But if he really hates them on principle, then YABU.

at BloodyDog

Kladdkaka - that was a big risk! I don't think I would go that far.

monkeymoma - yes you're right, we have no plans to move but obviously while renting we aren't in a secure position.

YABU, I would never ever ever ever consider having a dog. I know what a hassle having cats is, so to have to walk a dog every day and then find somewhere for it to go while we went on holiday. Plus the smell and the pet hair everywhere....... Absolutely no way, would not consider it.

We rent and we have 3 dogs, and 3 chickens and some ducks. So it is allowed. Not the point I know. Is keeping a dog more important to you than the relationship you're in? If you would like the company of a dog for your own reasons, it may help to talk through it with a 3rd party with your dh.
My relationship with our animals is not the same as dh's, but it was a joint decision to acquire all these animals!

everlong - I think it's because he doesn't like the idea of animals in the house, he is quite house proud.

I think I will have to admit defeat but will be trying again when we have bought our own house!

I was joking about the sexual favours bit, of course I was! Sorry, weird sense of humour obv. However, I do think he should give it serious thought rather than just a blanket no. In our situation I am at home with dc's while dp is out working, he wouldn't need to walk, feed or clean up after the dog as we'd do it in the day. He always made out he was an animal lover, had dogs growing up, so a blanket 'no discussion' seems harsh.

I'd say you have to with the choice of the person who doesn't want the dog, sorry. I'm a real dog person, my GS is currently sleeping on my foot -snoring- but I am not getting a cat despite the DDs being desperate to have a cat. I don't like them.

Unless DH has a complete change if heart the instant he sets eyes in the cute little puppy-wuppy, then it won't work. It'll take a dog about a nano-second to work out who isn't interested and assess that person as deserving zero respect. It's all down hill from there after.

This was us. Dh adamant that he didn't want a dog and I was really keen. Finally after years of begging discussion, he agreed that we would get one provided that I did all the walking, cleaning poo, letting dog out, vet trips etc.

We got dog. Dh adores her. She adores dh (much more than she adores me who does all her dirty work ). Dh regularly tells the world how lovely it is to have a dog - as if it was his idea.

Downside - I kept to the bargain and do all the extra work connected to her of which there was tons when she was a puppy and plenty still now.

My advice - don't do it if you can't go for a good long off lead walk for at least 45 minutes every day.
Don't do it if your dcs are younger than about 6 (too small to keep up on good long walks).
Don't do it if you don't have a secure garden.
Don't do it if you care a lot about a clean smell-free tidy house.

But do it!

No, I wouldn't recommend it at all. The difference with us what that I never asked him outright. I wouldn't go against a 'no'. But also I knew that he was an animal lover, who had no experience of dogs, who just needed a bit of a push in the right direction.

DH would love a dog, I don't.

I don't mind dogs, but I don't like them enough to have one. It wouldn't be fair on the dog if I didn't want it. I would look after it and make sure that it is fit and well, but that isn't enough imo.

Kladdkaka - iit all worked out well then, ha!

don't do it if you can't go for a good long off lead walk for at least 45 minutes every day.

This depends on the dog. I have one who never goes for walks. She just won't. She'll happily lie in the sun in the garden and chase the cat if it puts in an appearance, but that's her lot. BloodyDog would happily walk to China and back.

Perhaps we should all have a partner swap so all the dog lovers can get a dog and the others can all be grump together in their dog free home.

If you can persuade him then fair enough, but if you can't then I think he should have the last word. It would be awful to have to share your home with an animal that you didn't want.

Dh said we would never have a dog and I did persuade him in the end. On the understanding he didn't have to do any looking after. He's stuck to that. He will let her in the garden if he gets home first and fill her food bowl up if it's empty but that's it. I'm not complaining though.

But I do all the walks, pick up the poo in the garden, get up at 4am when she wants to go out. I love her to bits but even I think she can be a pita sometimes when she's fussing under my feet!

Thankfully dh does like her. He moans about the smell, the farts, the dropped biscuits, the sofa sneaking, the mud on the carpets, the fact she nabs food off your plate/the worktop if you take your eye off it. But I still catch him making a fuss of her at times. But having a dog has an impact on everyone in the house.

If a dog is so important to you, why did you even get with him in the first place?
Dogs are important to me and I have always had at least one in the house, so consequently I would never entertain a man who was not keen on them.
And why has it taken til now to become a problem?

this for me too >>

"DH would love a dog, I don't.

I don't mind dogs, but I don't like them enough to have one. It wouldn't be fair on the dog if I didn't want it. I would look after it and make sure that it is fit and well, but that isn't enough imo."

YABU

My friends mum actually had a cat called "bloody cat"