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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I want a dog, DH doesn't... Is he BU?

119 replies

Kushti · 01/05/2012 20:42

I am very keen to get a dog and so are DC's but DH is adamant he doesn't want one and will not even consider the idea as he just doesn't want animals in the house, and as we rent it would be impractical.

Is he being unreasonable to have the final word and not even consider it? Obviously there is no way we can get one if we aren't all in agreement.

OP posts:
Fifivisage · 01/05/2012 21:44

Actually I think yanbu, as you say he should at least give it porper thought and have a reasoned discussion woth you about the subject. A blamket, flat out no smacks of control to me.

Kladdkaka · 01/05/2012 21:52

Our cats are usually called SallyCat and DevilCat.

outmonday · 01/05/2012 22:03

Getting a dog is almost like having a child, a huge step. So start off a step at a time : goldfish, rabbit, another rabbit, kitten etc. Teach him, bit by bit, that pets are part of normal family life and bring love and fun.

lazylula · 01/05/2012 22:16

Dh would love a dog but I do not want one and as I would be the one doing the lionshare of the care I feel I get the last say. Dh works very long hours so would not get up to walk it (already gets up at 5am or earlier alot). He wouldn't be here to clean up.the garden so yhe children can play in it ect. For these reasons, I feel I should have the final say!

blackeyedsusan · 01/05/2012 22:42

sorry, he is not being unreasonable. having a dog in the house affects your whole way of life, ( finances, shitty shovelling, vets, walks, holidays, relaxing on the sofa) especially if he is not keen and or the dog is not well trained. go with another smaller pet if you are allowed(by landlord) and see how he does with that.

ItWasABoojum · 01/05/2012 23:42

If DH is dead against it there's not a lot you can do. One option if it's the commitment and/or expense he's worried about - have you considered guide dog puppy walking? You take care of and socialise a puppy until it's a year old and ready to begin its guide dog training - it's a lot of work but might be worth thinking about.

curiositykitten · 01/05/2012 23:45

Surely he did consider it, if he decided it wouldn't be practical with renting your home?

Rhiana1979 · 02/05/2012 09:33

I grew up in a family where I had no choice whether to have a dog or not. I remember one dog being "taken for a walk" never to be seen again and then about a week later getting up in the morning to a puppy running around the living room. we always had at least one dog sometimes 2 in the house. I never got to choose any of them, not even the names.

None of them were ever taken for walks by my parents and the dogs were usually too big for me to handle by myself.

Despite always being told the dog was "your mums baby" somehow I always ended up being the one who had to clean the shit up in the garden (mum was too busy and stepdad couldn't possibly do it as it would make him gag).

All of this has meant that since I moved out over 10 years ago I've never owned a dog and unless my 5 month old dd talks us into it when she's older I can honestly say I'd live happily the rest of my life without a dog.

PiedWagtail · 02/05/2012 09:35

Of course he's not BU! Getting a dog will mean a huge life change for you all -they're v time consuming, cost a lot, you can;t take them to many places, and they need commitment from all parties. How would you feel if your dh said he wanted an animal you really hated???

Mrsjay · 02/05/2012 09:48

I am the same but dh doesnt want a dog he isnt BU he has a valid point and a whole familiy have to be in agreement to get a pet ,

I still want 1 though

HeartsJandJ · 02/05/2012 09:58

Completely disagree with the majority of posters - YANBU but he is.

Just saying "no" to someone is bloody rude, he should be prepared to discuss it and give his reasons. If you and the children want a dog then surely a majority vote should win rather than one dictator saying how the house is run.

The only points against it would be the tenancy agreement and if you expected him to do a lot of the care.

But if the landlord was amenable and you/children were able to do all the walking and care then I don't think he's got a leg to stand on.

Good luck.

D0oinMeCleanin · 02/05/2012 10:01

I can see it from both sides. Not having a dog would be a deal breaker for me. I cannot physically live without a dog or three.

DH is not fond of any animal.

He must've mentioned not liking the dog I had when I met him to my dad because I walked in on my Dad telling DH to walk away before things got serious if he couldn't handle living with lots of pets. I'd warned him the same. When he bought a house and filled it with expensive flooring and furniture (against my advice) I warned him that my pets (I had two cats and one dog at the time) would have to be welcome in that house or I would not move into it with him. I also made it very clear that my pets mean a hell of a lot more to me than his fancy dining table and would continue to live with us regardless of any accidental damage of aforementioned expensive furniture and flooring.

In my eyes he had plenty of forewarning and could and should have walked away if he truely couldn't live with dogs. He didn't. Therefore he is unreasonable to expect me to not have dogs. Thus when mine passed away shortly before we moved in I was straight to the pound despite his protests. We had a lot of trouble with my new and problematic dog biting him and pissing up his freshly plastered walls. The dog still stayed (and is now trained and no longer bites dh unfortunately or pisses in the house)

With him not being fully on board any problem caused by the animals is always magnified and thrown back in my face. Even when it is the rescue puppy he insisted on keeping howling at 5am it's still my fault Hmm

In normal circumstances I would say that you would BU to bring in a dog without your DH being on board fully but it would depend on whether pets had been discussed prior to you becoming involved as in my case.

I can't understand why couples don't discuss pets etc before becoming serious with each other, but then to me, having a dog is as much a need as having a child.

They are a massive commitment both financially (my parents recently paid £60 for kenelling their two dogs just for one night away) and time wise. They can wreak havoc on a normally tidy and quiet household. They can suddenly develop a fear of being alone and howl constantly, all night long (I'm looking at you whippy) or they can decide they now know how to open doors and their bed on the stairs is not as comfy as your bed (Yup, looking at you Devil Dog)

Most breeds still love walking in torrential rain and when you are ill. Or when your dc are ill.

Dog hair becomes the latest condiment and will be found in a cupboard or on a plate near you. It even somehow ends up in unopened jars of pasta sauce.

Doing it all alone is hard. Being blamed and responsible for any scratched flooring or knocked over vase is hard and expensive. And you would be alone if you went over DH's head and got a dog anyway. It would be unfair of you to expect him to help with something he didn't want.

Saying that if he is not even willing to sit and discuss his concerns with you then he is being slightly childish but for some owning dogs is as much of a dealbreaker as not owning them is to me.

Maybe you could help out a local rescue with walking or volunteer for The Cinnamon Trust to help fill the dog shaped gap.

HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 10:01

YABU.

D0oinMeCleanin · 02/05/2012 10:02

You also need to think about what would happen if your LL sold the house and did not renew your tenancy. Finding rented housing that allows pets is bloody hard.

It might be best to reconsider it again when/if you are in a position to buy.

peugotgringo · 02/05/2012 10:08

My mum HATES dogs yet she's had one in her house for the past 40odd years. You see, her husband and her children all wanted one, so she went with the majority.
So on that basis your DH is being unreasonable to not even consider one.
However, as you are in rented accomodation I think perhaps it's a forgone conclusion that you won't be able to have one anyway.
My DH and I have a dog - we couldn't agree on the breed though (labrador or Staffie) but I had to compromise in the end and go with his choice.

AnonymousBird · 02/05/2012 10:09

He is NBU at all.

I was persuaded to have a dog, after resisting for some time. I have always regretted it and wish I has stuck with a flat "NO". As soon as I started to move away from a flat "NO", the house of cards started to tumble and next I knew, we had the dog that, deep down, I knew I did not want.

I love her to bits, and she is very well cared for and loved BTW. It is just that the bulk of her care falls to me and I have to fit her into our lives, which I do, but it is not easy and as I was stupid enough to agree then I have to take the consequences.

Good on your DH for being tough on this and sticking to his guns.

frumpet · 02/05/2012 10:13

I got a dog that DH didnt know we were getting , DH loves dogs but didnt want the committment of one . Anyway , as a result of doing it in this underhand way , the dog is 100% my responsibility , i pay for everything , do everything and yet the bloody animal still treats dh as the returning prodigal son everytime he walks threw the door Hmm

HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 10:13

Surely he had to consider it, to say no?
You don't just open your mouth and a word falls out. Confused
I think you mean you want him to change his mind.

frumpet · 02/05/2012 10:14

Am on the look out for another smaller dog that could be easily sneaked onto the sofa Grin

D0oinMeCleanin · 02/05/2012 10:15

Mine do that frumpet. But they don't lay on his side of the bed, making his side stink. Oh no. They only to that to me. Usually because he is still in bed with them while I am getting dressed to go and buy their food/getting ready to walk them etc. Angry

Mrsjay · 02/05/2012 10:18

frumpet that would mean to husband adoring dogs Grin and you will still be picking the poop up ! I loved having a dog Jaydog was a nervous soul and walking her was difficult we did take her to training classes did all the right things but she was a rescue and hard work , she was a lovely wee thing and i do miss her Sad as i said i would love another dog but HE says no because of the commitment i dont think id sneek 1 in though,

Mrsjay · 02/05/2012 10:18

two* obviously

ElizabethDarcy · 02/05/2012 10:20

Everyone who says they HATE dogs is being U. How can you hate an animal?

To the OP... your DH and you need to be on the same page here, just the way it is. Neither of you i being unreasonable... you just have differing opinions.

CremeEggThief · 02/05/2012 10:22

In the last couple of years, I have realised I love the idea of a dog rather than a dog him/herself, for all of the reasons outlined in DOOinMeCleanin's brilliant post.
For years I thought I wanted one, but circumstances weren't right and DH always said 'no' whenever I brought up the subject.
So, think very, very carefully about it, OP, and accept your DH's reasons are just as important as yours.

Now if I can just find someone with a nice, clean, sweet-smelling golden retriever, who will happily let me take him/her for the occasional Sunday afternoon walk, somewhere fairly dry, I will be sorted too.

Rhiana1979 · 02/05/2012 10:26

Just to clarify I don't hate dogs I just am not prepared to l

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