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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect visitors to clean when staying in my house

68 replies

Iamseeingstars · 01/05/2012 20:05

I have been in hospital for the best part of 6 months with a few home stays in between. But when I come home the house is filthy - kitchen is really grimy, bathroom hasn't been touched and the vacuum must come out once a month.

The visitors are staying to look after my family, do feed and do lots of chores, but cleaning is not one of their favourites and it is driving me mad. I cant physically do it myself, I have asked them and my family, hinted, requested, demanded etc but they still wont clean anything. THey dont see a problem but I need a germ free safe environment. I have already spent a lot of time back in hospital because of infections.

What would you do?

OP posts:

iago · 01/05/2012 20:06

Employ a cleaner.

Sirzy · 01/05/2012 20:06

Is hiring a cleaner a possibility? if thats their attitude towards cleaning I doubt they would do it to your standard anyway.

NickNacks · 01/05/2012 20:07

Yabu hire a cleaner!

Hebiegebies · 01/05/2012 20:07

I'd say a big thank you to the people who are helping and pay for a cleaner

addictedtotoast · 01/05/2012 20:07

Gosh OP that is a tricky situation. Are you in a position to pay a cleaner?

redwineformethanks · 01/05/2012 20:09

If your visitors are doing a lot to help you, I guess there's a limit to what you can ask them to do. Who are they looking after? If it's young children, you can't expect much of them, but if you have a partner, could your partner do cleaning?

Kayano · 01/05/2012 20:09

They are not 'visitors' then really are they?

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/05/2012 20:11

Sorry about your hospital stays but sounds as though your 'visitors' are already doing quite a bit.

Get a cleaner or could your DP do it? Assuming there is one that is . . .

bibbitybobbitybunny · 01/05/2012 20:12

So ... in addition to looking after your family, you want your helpers to provide you with a germ-free safe environment to come home to?

Come on, you know that you are being unreasonable. Why are you even asking?

NettoSuperstar · 01/05/2012 20:12

Get a cleaner.
I don't think YABU, but the stress of telling them to clean, and possible ensuing arguments is probably not what you need right now.

NettoSuperstar · 01/05/2012 20:13

Which reminds me, I need to employ a cleaner!
Mine went on mat leave ages ago, my house really needs cleaning, I'm not up to it so need to get someone in.

Softlysoftly · 01/05/2012 20:16

It would be nice if they just did it but as they are already doing so much you can't expect it. Hire a cleaner or kick a member of your immediate family who should be doing it.

CountryMouse27 · 01/05/2012 20:20

YABU : what about your partner? Children? Obv if they are very little then I can see why not but be grateful that you have help in the first place and dont make your visitors feel like you dont appreciate their help.

Are they random friends / family / outside help?

alwaystheblacksheep · 01/05/2012 20:28

It musy be very fustrating for you. What are your visitors doing, looking after small children? Have you got a partner? Can you employ a cleaner?

ZZZenAgain · 01/05/2012 20:29

I would expect adults living in a home and using the bathroom and kitchen themselves to at least clean those rooms after their use, even if they are only doing it for themselves. Are these elderly people? You say you have asked these helpers and your family so I am assuming they are not members of your family. THe least stressful option for you right now would be to have someone come in and clean, at least before your home visits. If you cannot do it yourself and your health is at risk from infection, I can see why you are finding this hard.

BackforGood · 01/05/2012 20:30

Presumably these 'visitors' are family or extraordinarily kind friends who are giving up an enormous amount of their time to look after your dcs?
I think you should be showing them how much you appreciate what they are already doing for you, rather than moaning about what they are not.

nothingoldcanstay · 01/05/2012 20:30

They probably don't "see" it because they are living in it all the time. I'd start having a go myself and then when they say "Iamseeingstars you aren't up to doing that" they might get the hint and take over.

DowagersHump · 01/05/2012 20:31

Who are these people? Carers? Friends? What?

ToryLovell · 01/05/2012 20:31

I think yab a bit u, they are massively helping you out.

You really need a cleaner

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/05/2012 20:32

Agree with the others. I would say thank you, buy flowers and hire a cleaner.

Washingmypaws · 01/05/2012 20:34

YANB as U as everyone else seems to think.

Seriously, people are (kindly) looking after your family but keep your house in such a shocking state that you get repeated hospitalisations and keep having to go back in??

You might be better to find a different solution: they might be doing a lot but don't actually seem to have YOUR best interests at heart. Can they look after your family at their own house?

Then you can have a cleaner in once and your house will be lovely for next time you come out of hospital. Keep it that way by having just one clean person in your house at once.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/05/2012 20:36

If your visitors are providing their services for free, I'd say nothing and get a cleaner.

CountryMouse27 · 01/05/2012 20:38

Thats a good point Washing, aside from feeding and watering your family (I am assuming v.small children) what exactly are these visitors doing in your house?

alwaystheblacksheep · 01/05/2012 20:40

I think OP should come back and tell us more, it might not be that simple washing, prehaps it is GP looking after small DCs and simply don't have the time/energy for cleaning.

BackforGood · 01/05/2012 20:41

Come on OP, come and tell us who these 'visitors' actually are, and if you have a partner and if your children are little. All of this affects what people are presuming, and it might make a difference if you drip feed tell us a bit more information.

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