to expect visitors to clean when staying in my house

[Iamseeingstars]

I have been in hospital for the best part of 6 months with a few home stays in between. But when I come home the house is filthy - kitchen is really grimy, bathroom hasn't been touched and the vacuum must come out once a month.

The visitors are staying to look after my family, do feed and do lots of chores, but cleaning is not one of their favourites and it is driving me mad. I cant physically do it myself, I have asked them and my family, hinted, requested, demanded etc but they still wont clean anything. THey dont see a problem but I need a germ free safe environment. I have already spent a lot of time back in hospital because of infections.

What would you do?

Whereabouts are you, OP?

Thank you Chipping you are so kind.

Just a thought but could Macmillan help at all? I know they give grants for a variety of things -its always worth a try .
Grant info and application

Sorry to hear you are so unwell :( I would say your visitors should be keeping the house habitable, but your dh should be doing most of the work as it's his house and his kids!

At very much depends on the type of visitors.
If my Mum Sister or pil were staying to help with the children and I was ill I would expect that a bit of cleaning went along with it all tbh.

In fact if I were staying at anyones house I would clean up as i went along.

Op,I had cancer some years back,my children were all little and Macmillan were amazing. They paid for a friend to come to Hospital (a long way away) with me so that dh could look after the dc,they paid for hospital parking and trips,they are fantastic.
I never worried about housework as dh did it or my Mum.

I'm sorry you have cancer and are having cancer treatment.

However I think YABU. You have family members who have disrupted their own lives for a considerable period to look after your family (are you local to their own home). I also suspect that they are not used to looking after a family yet you are complaining that THEY are not keeping your house clean when you apparently have a perfectly fit and able DH.

It is him you should be cross with and not your family members. There is lots of money available for folk in your situation access it and pay a cleaner (or kick your beloved DH up the ass to do the cleaning in his own house).

Sorry to hear that you've been ill and I really hope things improve for you soon.
Have to agree though, surely your dh should be doing the cleaning, rather than expecting other people to do it. From your earlier posts I thought perhaps you were a single parent.

OP I'm sorry to hear you're unwell.

Not the same, but I can sort of sympathise with you. When I was pg with ds (now 7) I had hyperemisis and spent quite a lot of my pregnancy in hospital hooked up to a drip.

DH had to keep working, he was self employed and we were trying to build our house at the time.

We had no-one to mind dd (3 then) and he had to leave the house at the crack of dawn every morning, drive dd to my sister's 30 miles away then go to work, after work he had to drive to pick dd up, he was lucky in that my sister usually fed him & dd then he'd go home, change and come visit me... leaving very little time at all for anything.

When I got a bit better and able to keep some food down I was allowed home for a weekend (my brother was getting married) and my house was like a bomb had hit it.

I remember weeping and feeling so sorry for myself - but dh and the people minding dd were doing their best - try not to get too upset or feel too sorry for .yourself - it's only a house and it'll get done at some point .

Your dh should be cleaning not the family.
I can understand your frustration though.

Oh and don't underestimate the general grind of long term hospitalisations for those at home.

We have had a quite a few in the immediate family recently and with trying to do hospital visiting, cooking food for the affected spouse and ferrying non driving relatives to and from the hospital, keeping on top of work/ food shopping and my own laundry I was bloody glad of my cleaner.

The affected spouses had houses that looked like bomb sites and were struggling to do basics like laundry and food shopping. Cleaning the loo definitely took a lower priority and was instrumental in both households acquiring a cleaner. We are, to a degree, lucky though as employing a cleaner is financially possible.

What about the red cross? We had them offering to help postnatal women with household help after csections at our local hospital.
I think its a difficult situation, obviously the helpers are helping, so its difficult to ask them to do more, but i would think if they are stauong they should be keeping the areas they are using fairly clean like they would at home. Clean is subjective tho . What about your partner, why isnt he cleaning the house?

Hi Stars - I'm sorry you are having this problem atm, and I know you have been going through a unimaginably hard time with your treatment.

If I was in someone else's house helping them out because they were having cancer treatment, - I would do everything I could to make their life easier, including cleaning. But I think sometimes people don't understand properly about the risk and worry of infection, and how serious in can be.

I also know from your other posts that you are not getting the emotional support you need from those around you, and people are just not 'getting' how long and debilitating your recovery is.

Regarding the cleaner, - if you can afford it, and it would give you peace of mind, then I would go for it, - I don't think you 'should' have to get one, but if others aren't keeping the house clean for you, then I'd go with whatever makes you feel at ease when you are at home.

xx

Have you asked for an assessment by a SW? under the community care act?

As your carer anyone can also request an assessment. Even if adult SS cannot help there willbe voluntary groups that they can put you in touch with, if you would be willing to go down that route.

Your GP/doctor/consultant can direct you on this. You can self refer via Careline.

op has said she cannot afford a cleaner.
I am shocked by some of the responses tbh.
If i stepped in to help a family member or friend whilst they had to be in hospital I would count some light housework in the equasion.
I dont think id clean the oven or mow the lawn but id certainly see fit to keep the bathroom and kitchen clean.
This is family we are talling about.
My neighbour did my ironing for months after my mastectomy its just what people do for each other.

Hope you get well soon.

Yanbu if someone uses the bathroom they should clean it up after same for every room really

So sorry op :(
This is one of the few times when you can quite genuinely expect your family and friends to rally round - otherwise what is the point?

I'm sorry iamseeingstars. We're in the same boat at my husband also has cancer, luckily his family are naturally clean freaks so when they come to help the house looks far better than it does normally. I agree with a pp though, Macmillan do offer grants for all sorts of needs that arise due to the cancer. I would give them a ring as they are really helpful with lots of things. They managed to cap our gas and electricity for a year, so we never pay over a certain amount and we don't owe anything at the end of it either. They also gave us a grant for a few things we needed. It's worth giving them a call.