To unhappy with unexpected all day school closure?

[sparkle12mar08]

The parent of a child in our school passed away last week extremely suddenly and unexpectedly. The parent was liked and respected throughout the school and was an active member of the parents association, a cross year group classroom helper, and also a parent governor. Many, many children, staff and parents will miss them deeply. However we have recieved an email today stating that the school have also taken the decision to close all day on the day of the funeral next week "as a mark of respect and to allow staff and parents" the chance to attend the funeral service. This means that something like 140 families now have to find a days unexpected childcare for nearly 220 children with barely a week's notice, and many parents will in fact be unable to attend the service precisely because they are looking after their children, possibly having had to take the day of work to do so.

I understand entirely the wish to mark the passing with respect, and am not of the opinion that school and education is nothing more than free childcare. However I do not think that closing the entire school is necessary or indeed useful for the children. In complete contrast to this situation, my oldest friend also passed away two weeks ago and her funeral is tomorrow at 2:30pm :( The staff at her daughter's school (different town entirely) have voluntarily offered to run a special two hour after school club to allow the children of all the parents attending to be safe and happy until their parents get back from the service, cremation and wake. To me that's far more respectful and allows many more people to attend than closing the school would. I appreciate that it means most staff will not be able to attend but surely a small two or three person delegation is appropriate, perhaps the head and relevant class teachers?

So, am I unreasonable to be unhappy at such short notice, and do you think the school could/should have handled arrangements differently? I am not unemotional about this my the way, but I am trying to keep that in check.

I totally agree with you, however it will extremely difficult to say anything to the school about it without coming across as an ogre Perhaps the timing of this one makes it impossible to do an after school club in the same way as the other school.

I think you might have to suck it up, it's not as though it's going to be a regular thing I would hope!

I think it's ridiculous that they are closing the school and wonder about the legality of doing so. I thought each school had to provide xxx number of days education per year so are they going to forfeit an inset day instead.

I think a better mark of respect would be to have something in the school grounds dedicated to this active parent in recognition of all their hard work (bench, plaque or a charity event in their memory to raise funds).

Unfortunately such tragedies happen all the time and schools cant pick and choose when to close based on how active that parent has been in the school.

Have the governors approved the school's decision ?

This happen at our school too. It wasn't a problem for me at the time as I was able to make alternative arrangements. In fact i thought it was a lovely gesture. Plus I believe school was prepared to accomodate those with childcare issues. What did annoy my though was finding out later funeral was at 2.30. Did they need to close all day?

YANBU. I am astonished at the whole day off though.
My Y6 DD is starting SATS on 14/05 and currently working toward that. Mercilessly.
I imagine the only way her school would close for the day is a gas explosion and lack of space at the head's house.

I used to be a teacher. One of my friends died (another teacher at the school) after an unexpected heart attack.

I didn't get to go to the funeral. None of the staff at the school were allowed time to go except for the headteacher. I was absolutely gutted. She was a very close friend. She didn't like the headteacher and yet he could go to the service.

Yes this will inconvience you for the day but think of the people who have known her at the school and who probably have developed friendships with her over the years. At least they will be able to say goodbye. Years later I still think about my friend and the fact that I couldn't go to her funeral because it happened to be in school time.

Yes, governors have approved the decision. I have no intention of approaching the school either - you're absolutely right that no good will come from it - but I know a great number of parents are disappointed with the decision to close for the entire day and many will also have to take unpaid leave because of it. There has been no word on whether inset days etc will be affected/compensated for etc. Futhermore we as parents haven't actually received any details of said service so I'm not sure how many will in fact be able to go.

That's ridiculous! Would they do it every time?

This is a tricky one. It just is. I think YANBU though.

Couldn't they have held some kind of memorial in a special assembly or something like that?

Additionally there is a paid for after school club on that day that has also been cancelled with no word on refund/rescheduling. The more I think about it the more it seems like it hasn't been thought out, or at least communicated, properly.

What of parents who can't get alternative cover on such short notice?
In this employment climate it is a really bad thing to do to people, they could lose their jobs.

mmm of course I want to say YABU as someone died. However YANBU as it is an inconvenience to arrange childcare for school days and club cancelled too seems a bit over the top but I guess there is nothing you can do without sounding insensitive.

But how could her friends and colleagues from the school go to her funeral otherwise?

''What of parents who can't get alternative cover on such short notice?''

Schools are not there as free childcare at the end of the day. I agree it's a complete inconvenience but at the end of the day schools can close for any kind of reasons at short notice e.g. pipes bursting etc. Parents need to be prepared for these eventualities.

It's not like a death of a prominent member of the school is likely to happen regularly. A poor woman has died and you are debating child care. For goodness sake. Think how her friends and family are feeling as well as the other staff at the school.

"Schools are not there as free childcare at the end of the day" No, but they are integrated into the timetables of families as we have an obligation to send our children to school if we enrol them and we work our schedule around the school day. It is sad of course but does not have to affect so many people.

I think you are being a wee tiny bit UR- if this lady was so involved with the school presumably lots of the staff are wanting to go.

So someone who works at the school has died and you resent friends and colleagues the chance to say goodbye?

They can't give more notice as people don't tend to provide notice of when their funeral will be!

In real life though parents do have jobs. Not all families can have one person available at short notice all the time just in case.

If the assumption is that everyone must be able to deal with this then that means that lots of people shouldn't be working I guess.

The idea that school is unrelated to childcare is odd IMO.

Sorry for your loss.

In your shoes, if I didn't want to go to this funeral, I would put word out (via playground/facebook/newsletter) that if anyone was stuck for childcare I would look after their children if they would repay the favour sometime. Or ask some of the childminding parents if they had space for a few extra children. Or arrange some sort of mass meet up at a soft play where we all helped each other out.

Basically I think it'd be better to be proactive than grumpy about it. It sounds like a sad time, when a community needs to rally round to support each other in all sorts of ways.

So people are suggesting that the OP is being unreasonable to be unhappy about this.

Note he is not going to try and change it in any way, she simply feels unhappy about it.

I think it's over the top. Obviously very sad but shouldn't the school be setting an example for the remaining children (the majority of whom will be unaffected) by keeping things as normal.

''If the assumption is that everyone must be able to deal with this then that means that lots of people shouldn't be working I guess.''

Of course it doesn't mean people shouldn't be working but unforseen circumstances do happen that parents need to be able to sort out. What would you do if your child was ill that day for example, what would you do if the school was flooded? What would you do in the depth of winter if the heating broke down and the school had to close?

''The idea that school is unrelated to childcare is odd IMO.''

They are there to educate your child not as child care. Unfortunately on this day someone important to the school has died. A unforseen event that is unlikely to happen again in your child's school life.

A teacher at the school my children go to recently passed away. The school was closed on the day of her funeral. It didn't even cross my mind to get annoyed about the inconvenience - I think it only right that her friends and colleagues got the chance to pay their last respects. Most workplaces here close for the day if a member of their staff passes, out of respect and also so that people can go to the funeral.

It wouldn't cross my mind to think that was unreasonable. I think it's perfectly reasonable.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be annoyed at the additional hassle that it has caused you, but I think that you are unreasonable to think that the school should remain open.

I think its a bit much that teachers should be expected not to to attend a colleague's funeral. I can think of few professions where it would be impossible, or even considered inappropriate, to ask for time off to attend a colleague's funeral.

It's an impossible situation I think. Of course the staff want to go - many were true friends, not just colleagues, and no, it's not likely to happen regularly. I don't resent friends and colleagues the chance to say goodbye, I knew the parent personally and would like to be able to go myself I just wouldn't expect the whole school to close for the entire day for the funeral of a parent regardless of how involved they were, and I'm not entirely convinced it's what they would necessarily have wanted either (though I appreciate that's very speculative). It's one of those situations where there is no right answer sadly. I think I'm a little sensitive atm too, my friends funeral tomorrow will be the third I've had to go to in as many months (two other family ones, on very close to me). Next weeks if I manage it will be the fourth :( So much loss and sadness for everyone, it just doesn't seem right.

YANBU