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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To unhappy with unexpected all day school closure?

85 replies

sparkle12mar08 · 01/05/2012 14:14

The parent of a child in our school passed away last week extremely suddenly and unexpectedly. The parent was liked and respected throughout the school and was an active member of the parents association, a cross year group classroom helper, and also a parent governor. Many, many children, staff and parents will miss them deeply. However we have recieved an email today stating that the school have also taken the decision to close all day on the day of the funeral next week "as a mark of respect and to allow staff and parents" the chance to attend the funeral service. This means that something like 140 families now have to find a days unexpected childcare for nearly 220 children with barely a week's notice, and many parents will in fact be unable to attend the service precisely because they are looking after their children, possibly having had to take the day of work to do so.

I understand entirely the wish to mark the passing with respect, and am not of the opinion that school and education is nothing more than free childcare. However I do not think that closing the entire school is necessary or indeed useful for the children. In complete contrast to this situation, my oldest friend also passed away two weeks ago and her funeral is tomorrow at 2:30pm :( The staff at her daughter's school (different town entirely) have voluntarily offered to run a special two hour after school club to allow the children of all the parents attending to be safe and happy until their parents get back from the service, cremation and wake. To me that's far more respectful and allows many more people to attend than closing the school would. I appreciate that it means most staff will not be able to attend but surely a small two or three person delegation is appropriate, perhaps the head and relevant class teachers?

So, am I unreasonable to be unhappy at such short notice, and do you think the school could/should have handled arrangements differently? I am not unemotional about this my the way, but I am trying to keep that in check.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 01/05/2012 15:08

I've never been in a workplace that closed if someone died.

Also still don't understand how school and childcare are unrelated.

alphabite · 01/05/2012 15:11

I am sorry about your friend. That is always really difficult. I've been there myself and it's horrible. x

SardineQueen · 01/05/2012 15:11

It is an impossible situation.

If it helps our nursery closed last year for a funeral with very little notice and that was fine for me (luckily) but I think a few people were upset about being left out of pocket.

These things are very difficult. For the people close to the person who has died obviously they want to be able to go to the funeral and that is fair enough. OTOH for the hundreds of people who weren't close it is a total PITA at best and something with potential consequences at worst.

Sirzy · 01/05/2012 15:13

It's also worth remembering that as this parent was well known to the children a lot of them may also want to attend, especially the older ones and the ones who know her children.

TheSurgeonsMate · 01/05/2012 15:19

I work in an area where time off for colleagues funerals could be difficult - I went to a close colleagues funeral that had been arranged for a Saturday, I presumed for this reason.

GruffaloReader · 01/05/2012 15:22

why can't they just have a couple of hours off? why the whole day?

porcamiseria · 01/05/2012 15:30

Oh dear

yanbu to feel this way

but you cant say anything !

quoteunquote · 01/05/2012 15:41

Interesting precedent to set, as it would be unacceptable to not do the same for any other child's parent should they die, how would you explain the difference to a child, that their beloved parent was not held in the same regard.

If a funeral is at 2.30pm wouldn't a half day be adequate, an entire day seems a little to much.

As for regarding schools as child care, that is a mistake.

imnotmymum · 01/05/2012 15:43

It is not a mistake to class school as childcare when it routinely happens 5 days a week

manicinsomniac · 01/05/2012 15:49

YANBU

It sounds like this lady was a parent, not a member of staff. She may have been very invovled but that doesn't give staff the right to attend the funeral at the expense of parents who must have been closer to her than the staff. By closing the school most parents will have to stay at home to look after children and will not be able to attend the funeral as they would have done had their children been at school.

As a teacher I have been to two school related funerals - one, the mother of a 12 year old boy in my class and the other, tragically, of a 10 year old boy in my class. In the case of the adult funeral only the head, the deputy and I went, as a mark of respect. In the case of the child funeral all children were free to attend the funeral if taken out of school by their parents and as many staff as could be spared went, based on desire and relation to the child involved.

The example upthread of a school putting on a special after school club sounds wonderful - the perfect mark of respect.

Sirzy · 01/05/2012 15:53

Employed or volunteer shouldn't make any difference. They were still a big part of the school

earthpixie · 01/05/2012 15:54

I'm a teacher and attended a colleague's funeral today. The school allowed any member of staff who wished to go to go, while the others mopped up the resultant cover lessons, etc. It was fine. We were all back at work by 2pm.

gafhyb · 01/05/2012 16:33

I agree with alphabite (and others)

justanothermanicmonday · 01/05/2012 16:45

YANBU

V sad loss and I'm sure several members of staff would like to attend (v understandably). It's unlikely that all of them knew him/her v well and therefore it should be possible to arrange cover amongst other members of staff/ supply teachers.
If this happened in another setting, they certainly wouldn't close the whole business/ GP surgery/ hospital or whatever for the entire day. They would arrange cover. The same thing should happen here in my opinion- v unreasonable to close fully.

MsKittyFane · 01/05/2012 16:50

My dad (SMT very large high school) died and the school was closed all day. The huge church was full of family, friends, staff and pupils.
Pupils sang in the choir, friends and staff did the readings.
It was amazing and I can't tell you how much it meant.
Good schools are close communities.

LeeCoakley · 01/05/2012 16:58

The only time I know where a school has closed is when a member of staff had lived a fair distance away so the funeral wasn't local. In this case it's a parent so I am assuming a local funeral. A better option would be to tell parents that for two hours or so the children would be cared for by other adults in school while members of staff attend the funeral. I can't imagine every adult in the school would want to attend but maybe I'm wrong.

ENormaSnob · 01/05/2012 17:16

Yanbu

Surely they could've arranged cover for the duration of the funeral.

One of my colleagues died a few years ago and many of us were unable to attend due to work.

soverylucky · 01/05/2012 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sabriel · 01/05/2012 18:18

We had an identical situation at DC4's school many years ago. The entire school closed for the afternoon, to allow all teachers, other staff and parents to attend. As the lady who'd died was the mother of my DC's best friend we all went. The church was packed - including the children. I thought it was a huge mark of respect, and it was much appreciated by her DH and her boys. I took the afternoon off work, as did most of the other mums.

Yes unexpected school closures are a PITA but I can't really see what else you would expect the school to do.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/05/2012 18:30

I think YABU. Parents will just have to do whatever they would do if their child was too sick to go to school. That must happen fairly regularly,it will at least be something that working parents have had to consider, so just put those plans into action.

So you might lose a days pay. So what? A family has lost a wife and a Mother, I'm sure they will get one comfort from the fact that the school thought so much of their loved one that it's worth putting out a few parents. On the occasions I have lost someone close, I've always hated that the world just acts like nothing has happened. Irrational, I know. But it's one day. One measly day. I hope if my family lose me early there are enough people around that care more about how they feel than they do about having to find a few hours childcare.

Hanleyhigh · 01/05/2012 18:33

A similar situation happened near to me recently - the funeral was held (and very well attended) on a Saturday morning.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/05/2012 20:03

Sparkle

I have seen entire factories shutdown for the funeral of one person.

some of the people had worked at the factory for 30 years and had been trained by the man.

Its one of the few times that I have seen an entire workforce in tears over something.

It is the hieght of respect.

CountryMouse27 · 01/05/2012 20:13

I think the fact that you have posted this in AIBU tells you that you probably realise YABU.

Be sympathetic, be kind and be thankful this is not your family in this situation.

I would also hope that when you have a loss or terrible crisis that people are prepared to put themselves out for you.

Ripeberry · 01/05/2012 20:20

Listen to yourselves. What if the school was closed because of fire or flood? Oh but that would be OK wouldn't it. But how dare someone die and a school close because of it. Oh the inconvenience!

Hold your loved ones close tonight, we are only here for a short time. We can go at ANY TIME. So stop and think of what it means to be alive, safe and happy.
For some that can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

You are all very selfish...and you know it Sad

gafhyb · 01/05/2012 20:23

Ripe - not all!

I think that sometimes parents don't necessarily see or feel part of the community that a good school forms. Their children may do, but they don't.

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