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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dread what these kids are going to be like in 10 years time.

72 replies

Huntingformandarin · 29/04/2012 10:24

Yesterday I took my 7yo to London Transport Musuem, country bumpkin visiting the city, so very different environment to our norm.

But I was horrified at the behaviour of the MC toddlers and their parents.

My ds has a large bruise on his arm after one toddler, (2-3 year old), tried to climb onto him shoved him into the steering arm of the underground train my ds was steering at the time. The mother just laughed, and said 'let him show you how to do it he loves this ride', I said 'no it's my ds turn', and the mother said 'he hasn't learnt to wait yet', I advised her that maybe she should be teaching him how to wait. She did nothing to remove her child or repremand or anything.

My ds had a small painting done on his cheek, and another toddler, when he was sat driving a bus, rubbed the paint off his cheek, my ds moved his head away and this toddler's mum said 'he only wants to have a look', I advised he needs to learn to look and not touch. My ds was upset that his face paint was now partly rubbed off.

There were other toddlers running around with very little parental supervision, and this is inside a museum (admittedly a child friendly museum) but still a museum not a playground.

The attitude of the parents I encountered yesterday, makes me feel real dread what this kids are going to be like in 10 years time. AIBU to think that this type of parenting does not help society?

OP posts:
GinPalace · 29/04/2012 11:06

Urgh!

This sort of thing makes me despair... I am adding to the collection of small children brought up to understand their wants and wishes don't trump everyone elses - sadly feel it is a dwindling group. :(

minimisschief · 29/04/2012 11:08

i'm sorry but 2-3 years old is very young to expect them to behave sensibly.

MariahScary · 29/04/2012 11:11

They are toddlers. It was a museum in central London on a wet weekend.

What did you expect?

Tee2072 · 29/04/2012 11:12

No, it's not, mini. It's exactly the right time to expect them to start doing just that.

So sorry your kids will wind up as the OP describes.

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2012 11:12

Apart from the running around inside the museum

What exactly did the the 2 to 3yr old do wrong?

It's hardly behaviour that's going to turn him into a criminal in 10yrs time because he hadn't learnt to share or not tough at that young age Confused

Sounds awfully PFB to me.

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2012 11:12

*touch

MariahScary · 29/04/2012 11:13

Oh God, Tie to hide this thread, the loons are out in force.

I will put money on most of these children turning out just fine, btw.

Goolash · 29/04/2012 11:13

MC ?

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2012 11:15

The child is 7 yrs old and he got a 'large bruise on his arm' because the toddler wanted to show him how to steer the train?

I'm not saying the mother shouldn't have said anything to the toddler...of course she should but maybe the toddler has an older brother who he plays with 'robustly'.

RuleBritannia · 29/04/2012 11:15

Discipline should begin at birth. Those who think it should begin later are those who think that teachers should be teaching what the parents should be teaching.

Sirzy · 29/04/2012 11:16

The issue isn't with the children. It's the parents who aren't making some level of effort to supervise their children.

GinPalace · 29/04/2012 11:16

It isn't that the kids behaved that way, it's the fact the mums didn't attempt to show/tell/guide them how to behave well. Of course a toddler will be inconsiderate, then parent parents and tells them we need to be kind/consider others/look that little boy is sad his paint is spoiled etc

Of course the little boy only wanted to look - that is why he smeared his paint - but then his mum should tell him wanting to look is ok, wiping it off isn't. Everyone happy.

Megatron · 29/04/2012 11:16

The parents (regardless of class) are the problem not the children. Children of that age are just doing what comes naturally to a lot of them but they will never learn if they are not taught. These occasions (and age IMO) are an ideal time to actually teach children that they have to wait etc., it doesn't come naturally to them. Takes practice as we all know but it needs to be done. I have a friend who 'cannot' take her children out to a restaurant (a child friendly one obv) because 'they just won't behave'. They are 5 and 8 and have never known a boundary for behaviour in their lives. That is their parents fault, not theirs.

AKMD · 29/04/2012 11:19

What ginPalace said. I would be mortified if 2yo DS has ruined another child's facepaint and would have paid for it to be redone, not excused his behaviour.

nagynolonger · 29/04/2012 11:19

I'm sure 2-3 yearolds were doing what 2-3 yearolds have always done. Surely it's the parents fault. It's up to them to stop them annoying others. I would think 2-3 year olds would be more suited to soft play areas.

Floggingmolly · 29/04/2012 11:20

Maybe the op wan't expecting the toddlers to behave "sensibly", but the mothers do a little more than laugh and say he's hasn't learnt to wait yet?
That is rude, she could probably be a little more pro active in actually teaching him, rather than expecting complete strangers to be as enchanted by his behaviour as she was.

SchoolsNightmare · 29/04/2012 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2012 11:27

The parents should definitely have said something and I think it's quite unusual even for the most lax/uncaring parent not to at least have said "Careful" or something like that.

So maybe the fact it happened twice, means the parents assumed a 7 year old boy would say it himself?

Not an excuse....just a thought.

EdithWeston · 29/04/2012 11:28

The children might not yet have learned consistently considerate behaviour, but one would hope that the adults responsible for them that day had done so.

The toddlers will learn good social behaviour if there is an expectation of good behaviour (in the possibly vain hope they will rise to it), and if the parent makes some kind of correction: (to child) "No, Horrenda darling, it's our turn to wait" and (to infringed family) "I'm terribly sorry, we're still working on this".

Instruction/reminders every time a toddler/child behaves selfishly is the only way they will learn. And apologies to the infringed will also model consideration to others and good manners.

But if that is not forthcoming, there really isn't much you can do (except vent here!). These children may well be OK in 10 years time, but I suspect that they may take longer to learn good social behaviour than those who are actually taught it.

GinPalace · 29/04/2012 11:29

Edith agree - good post.

EdithWeston · 29/04/2012 11:34

Thanks, GinPalace!

KateSpade · 29/04/2012 11:35

I know a parent like you. Her children are all very strange grown-up's.

Do you take your own food to birthday parties aswell?

DollysDrawers · 29/04/2012 11:37

I don't understand what you mean Kate. Do you reckon that children should not be taught boundaries? Kids will be kids, but they do need to be 'parented'.

Sirzy · 29/04/2012 11:38

Kate - what is strange about her wanting the parents to be demonstrating to the children how to behave in these situations?

Ds is 2.5 and I certainly wouldn't ignore any of the behaviour outlined by the op. it is my job to help Ds learn social skills such as turn taking and not touching

DaisySteiner · 29/04/2012 11:43

What a bizarre post Kate? What on earth has birthday party food got to do with anything?!