to think my friend should be more sorry than she is...

[ITtroubles]

A close friend and I email each other a lot- bit like you'd text but we email. I recently found out that her 14 yr old DD has access to the email account via her smartphone, as it's a family email account. I have said quite a lot of very personal things in the emails over a year or more, and I am worried the DD has read them- relationship issues etc. My friend has just brushed this off saying DD would not be interested etc etc. and that she usually deletes emails quickly- but I still feel that her DD could have read them.

Ask your friend to ask her daughter if she's read any and if so not to repeat anything that she has seen.

i can guarantee a 14 year old could give two figs about their mums friends emails. lmao

YANBU. Your friend should not have let you send emails containing anything more than general "see you Friday" stuff without letting you know it was a shared email account. It should have been your choice then whether or what to send.

I agree with mini

When I was 14, I'd occasionally overhear my Mum talking to her friends and it bored the shit out of me.

Kids, Husbands, bills, housework etc...

I wouldn't have taken an interest even if I'd been paid to do so.

Don't do that revolution

If you tell a 14 year old
Not to read something (that they might not have been reading anyway) I can guarantee that will make them start!

What sort of "more sorry" do you want your friend to be? Should she go the sackcloth and ashes route, perhaps?

I don't mean to be flippant but I think you need to accept what your friend says or perhaps choose not to share such very personal business in your emails. But in my experience, most 14 year olds are monumentally disinterested in the emotional angst of their parent's friends since most teenagers are supremely self-interested. Even the nicest ones.

I feel gutted TBH by her naivity. I knew her DH might read , so she would delete when he was at home before he got to the PC. But her DD would be at school and could have been picking up messages and reading without her mum knowing. The mum would not be able to tell would she if DD had read them before or after she had- via her phone? I don't know how long her DD has had a smart phone, neither do I know how long she was able to access the emails on the home pc.

Did you know it was a shared account? If so, YABU.

x posts

So you did know. In which case your friend has nothing to be sorry for. She's done nothing wrong. You chose to send personal stuff to a shared account. It's your responsibility.

Pandemoniaa any sort of sorry would do.

She doesn't accept she was remiss at not telling me her DD had a smart phone and could read the emails.

And I don't accept your chastisement that I should not say certain things in my emails- to a close friend- which I thought were confidential.

I would be seriously pissed off about that too. I disagree that 14 year olds wouldn't be interested. My DDs would have listened in to my conversations at that age. Usually from a completely selfish point of view in case I mentioned their name -
Who the hell has a family email account anyway?

No- I knew her DH shared the account. I did not know the DD was able to access it- either at home or on her phone.

The last thing in the world I would be interested in at age 14, would be anything my mom had to say. Usually blocked out her constantly nattering, sure would want to waste one second reading her stuff.

Well I think maybe she could have warned you, but exactly how private did you expect it to be? Did you think she wouldn't let her kids use her computer, or would hide her phone, etc?

I mean, DH and I have separate email accounts but they both route to the same computer and the kids have access to that. And they use our phones (they are too young to have their own phones) and could read my text messages if they actually gave a rats ass.

My point being, that if a 14 year old wants to read something they can - unless you've got fort knox security. So I think you have to accept your friend's assurance, but be more careful what you say in emails generally.

I can understand why you are upset, but it's clear you and your friend have different attitudes to privacy if she is happy to have a shared email account, I would chalk it up to experience and stop emailing personal stuff.

Ok if you did know it was a shared account my YANBU becomes a YABU!

I think the point is that if the DD has her emails set on her phone- a BB- so that they ping when they come in, she might open and read because she would not know if the email was for her or for her mum or dad. My friend and i tend to just use "hi" for the subject line of emails.

She's only know the content once she had opened them.

Oh Christ- look- I've said this upthread. I KNEW her DH shared the account but he works away a lot and my friend said that she would delete anything before he had a chance to read- his work does not allow him to access emails when working.

For the last time- I did NOT know that her DD had access to the account.

YANBU if you send an email you expect only the person with the email account to read it. I have a friend who still shares an email account with her DH (they're from the ark!!) - so I monitor what I say, if I didn't know and found out later I'd be very pissed off - DH/DD/DS or the milkman.

you knew it was a shared account so you knew the risks

I fail to see the difference between person A possibly reading your emails to Person B being able to read them.

Tell your friend that emails are not on ration and she could shock horror have her very own personal email.

theyoungvisitor Just because her DD has access to the computer does not mean she knows the password to her parents emails does it? My DCs use my pc and I have 4 email accounts but they all have different passwords and no one except me knows that they are.

I'm sorry but I think the lesson is that emails - particularly ones to addresses you KNOW are shared - are not particularly private, and you should always assume other people might read them by mistake.

Yes, I can see how the smartphone thing in particular might feel odd, but the fact still stands - how many 14 year olds are not allowed access to the family computer? Even without the smartphone she could be reading your emails if she really cared. I think you have to accept her mum's assurance that she doesn't and be more careful in future.

Who says the email is password protected? Ours downloads to the desktop email server - you only need a password if you're logging in online.

And even if they are password protected, most people leave themselves logged in online (if you open up gmail on my laptop it goes straight in, without needing to log in).

Ok, YOUR email is set up that way, but I think you were being naive to just assume that everyone else runs their online life the way you do.

Cats I'm sorry but I think you are not really thinking this through.
her DH works away- can't say what- but is shift work, so she knows exactly when he can read emails etc etc.

She told me he could see the emails but that she would always delete soon after reading so he did not read them.

Is this SOOOOO hard to grasp- that I knew that but not about the DD??????????????

Why do people share email accounts?! I can understand a parent knowing their child's passwords etc for reasons of security, but why can't couples have their own email accounts.

OP, YANBU.

And don't get me started on couples sharing facebook accounts!