to think stay at home mothers and fathers are utterly disrespected and unappreciated by society in general?

[peanutbutter38]

After reading several threads on Mumsnet recently, I've come to the conclusion that stay at home Mums and Dads are regarded with a fairly substantial dose of disdain. Most MN threads which involve problems a sahm is having, involve advice along the lines of 'you should work when the children get to school' (school holidays/before/after care for 3 kids anyone?), or 'your husband must be very worried at being the sole breadwinner' and 'I'd go insane being at home with my kids 7 days a week' and gems such as 'my kids are better off in daycare.' The overall implication is that any woman, or man, choosing to be a stay at home parent is a brainless numpty who has no life, no ambition and is doing the Wrong Thing. And then we've gout our lovely Deputy PM saying we need to get away from the sepia tinted 1950's model. wtaf? I wonder how many childminders and nursery workers are aware their employers think that childcare is dull as fuck and only for uneducated individuals with no ambitions?

I've never seen any WOHP on here telling SAHP what they 'should' be doing. YABU.

Think it is just you, not a vibe i have had reading the threads. I work full time and I have 3 kids and have managed with shcool holidays/before/after care so not sure what your point it on that one.

I wouldnt think anyone who stays at home is uneducated or have no ambition, they have made a decision that is right based on their cirumstances and it is nobody elses business.

Jesus, we are damned if we do work and damned if we dont, the last thing we need is other women making assumptions about what other people might think

'I work full time and I have 3 kids and have managed with shcool holidays/before/after care so not sure what your point it on that one.'

There you go...

That's a massive generalisation - most people don't think that , a bit like ff v bf bunfights.

however if you read some posts on here you wouldn't know that but I wouldn't extrapolate a few aibu posts and newspaper articles to mean society as a whole think that.

So yabu.

there are plenty. The attitude always seems to be 'don't give up work, stay at home parenting is for numpties, it's not feminist, it demeans you, it's dull as fuck so why would you? etc. etc etc.

What is your point peanutbutter? I work full time because I choose to. You were saying that anybody who has 3 kids cannot work, well I chose to and I manage, doesnt mean that is the right decision for everyone.

You are being very very unreasonable and sound very nasty to boot

please show me where I said that anybody with 3 kids can't work?

Vodkajelly post was fine - she said what she does then pointed out that everyone does what is right for their circumstances.

Nothing wrong with that- you are reading too much into it.

'you should work when the children get to school' (school holidays/before/after care for 3 kids anyone?)

You are implying that you cannot work because you have 3 kids.

It's just MN and it's just people defending their own choices. If anything I've seen more criticism of working parents. I don't take it to heart because I love my family set up rand our kids are happy.

Pass the Fairy Non Bio, somebody is sensitive. Or trying to start a bunfight?

'It's just MN'.
Thankyou Yama, that's why I thought too!
I've done both- been a working parent and been a stay at home parent and sometimes feel silly for admitting that I couldn't do it all have it all when our third child was born. And sometimes I assume that I must not be terribly bright or aspirational to actually enjoy being home with my children, because the VAST numbers on here who say they would loathe it, it would give them depression, drive them mad etc.,

hand on heart I have NEVER asked a working parent why they would want to hand their children over to a nursery for 50 hours a week, but I've been questioned on numerous occasions about my decision to work very part time hours when our third child was born.

peanutbutter I work because I have to, we need the money, DP was in a low paying unreliable job and I was in a stable job earning more than him so I had to work. I was off work recently with illness and I love being at home with the kids, I didnt feel worthless or stupid, I really enjoyed it and if I had the choice I would leave work in a heartbeat.

The grass is not always greener. I am always envious of women who have said that they took a year in maternity leave and went back part time, my youngest was 3 months old when I went back because of the crap maternity pay.

Ooh but you wheedled it in in a PA manner there didn't you op? I actually send my children to the day orphanage 100 hours a week. I don't like them very much you see. HTH.

I'm a SAHM with school aged children

I'm very much appreciated by my DH and Children

I don't need to be appreciated by society in general

Why would 'society' or indeed anyone on MN appreciate me for my personal choices that don't affect them?

I'm a SAHM and while I do sometimes resent the implication I see on MN from time to time that I am setting my child a bad example by not going out to work, I think overall opinions on SAHM/WOHM seem fairly balanced. In real life I don't face any judgement at all. People sometimes make silly remarks but because I'm happy with my choice they don't get to me. It sounds like you feel you're not quite measuring up to some ideal peanut. Some people might thing you have no ambition etc but as long as you don't feel that way, that's the main thing isn't it?

I'm puzzled VodkaJelly " I work full time because I choose to." and then
"I work because I have to, we need the money......and if I had the choice I would leave work in a heartbeat."

Which is it then?

For what it's worth my DH is a SAHD because he is retired. He worked every hour under the sun when the DCs were small but now they are teens he is at home to taxi them around

In RL nobody actually gives a hoot.

I'm a SAHM. And the thing I hate most about being one is that people ask me what DH does, and then classify me because of his job.

I think those SAHM with young children are well respected and understood. Those SAHM with much older families, for example teenagers and university age kids, are just seen as a bit out of the loop and having left it too long to return to interesting work in so many cases, which is probably why a lot of them end up retraining.

It's not a big deal in RL!

I choose to work SecretSquirrels because we need the money. I could give up work and live of DP's very poor wage, it would mean no treats or pocket money for the kids etc. So I choose to go out and work to give my family a good standard of living (good standard as apposed to a poor standard as DP has poor wages)

I think you are projecting OP.

I don't think I agree with you. I am a SAHM and I think there's a lot out there that validates my choices. Just cringe at the perceived smugness of SAHMs.