AIBU to think some mil's could be a little obsessed?

[pumpkinsweetie]

AIBU to think some mils can be a bit obsessed with their sons and don't want to let them go.
So not to drip feed i will fill you in on mil past history.
Me and H been together 8 years, i had a daughter from a previous relationship when we met, my H was living with his mum at the time and didn't want her to know he was dating someone with a child .
About 3 months after meeting he told her i had a baby at first she was not pleased!
After a while she had to get used to it as we were going to stay together whether she liked it or not.
He moved in with me at my mums then we moved in with his parents , they were lovely and seem to enjoy having us there.
Until they found out we were going to be moving out and having a newbaby and that is when the mil saga started: 1st she was getting aunts and uncles to tell us we cant cope alone in a flat, we would be better off with her etc.
Anyway we moved into out flat, she wasnt happy about this and constantly phoned her son in tears.
We have had more children since & now have a house, when she comes around she always makes digs about my H looking like a teletubbie & that he eats too many biscuits!!! She is rude to whomever is around when she comes, she has called my 5 year old an 'it' , said about my mates son" doesn't that thing smile", shes also said my mum must have sprayed her jeans on.
She has called my eldest 'not a blood grandaughter' right in front of her.
This woman is constantly phoning her son around to do diy, guiltriping him if he doesnt go round there, shes had fil come round on mothers day to rant and swear at H for not getting her a present when he infact had.
And her lastest in the long list of things is to try and stop us going on holiday!!!!
She has been whinging on about how she isnt going to see him on her usual allocated day because we are away for 5 days so she says she will miss him too much and we shouldnt go away!!!
Shes been phoning him at work pleading him not to go away and now she wants to cook us sunday dinner the night before we go away as she cant bear to miss him another day!
I said know as we have last minute packing to do and kids baths and early bed routine to sort out in preparation for mondays holiday....so she put the phone down on him crying!
He has now compromised about going tommorrow instead-but i am dreading her putting a dampner on our holiday because she'l probably plead with him not to go.
When she does all these things it puts my H into an almost depressive mood that will last for days!
Please mnetters does this woman sound obsessed to you and have any of you been in my situation?

She seems a lot better today so we are still going

I think with the swearing and shouting you need to keep saying to him "I don't care how upset your mother makes you, that's no reason to take it out on me. If she's upset you, tell her. I am not your whipping boy / scapegoat" And repeat. He needs to realise what he's doing. And that it's really very very out of order.

Surely you need to pit your foot down on your H's verbal abuse? No matter the provocation, he has no right to shout and swear at you.

How old are you? I suppose I must be getting on a bit and therefore a bit arsey but I simply cannot imagine allowing anyone that amount of control over my life. Or any control at all actually.
You and your H with your children are the family unit here. Extended family are on the periphery of that and are as much or as little a part of your lives as you want. You should be in charge, not them.

My God, she sounds like Marie from "Everybody Loves Raymond". I'm a MoB and I would be ashamed if I treated any of my boys like your MIL treats her Son. Has your dh ever spoken to her about her unreasonable behaviour? When on holiday make sure your phones are switched off otherwise she'll be on non-stop.She has to step back and the only way that'll happen is if your dh stands up to her. Have a nice holiday.

clam You and your H with your children are the family unit here. Extended family are on the periphery of that and are as much or as little a part of your lives as you want. You should be in charge, not them.

i agree with this, but don't quite understand how it works. so, at the moment we have our own little family unit and our parents and inlaws are extended family. what happens when our kids grow up? who is our family unit then? is it just us and DH?

Well I suppose I mean as far as running your own lives is concerned. The OP should be joint "boss" of her unit with her dh, until her own children are grown, when she takes a more peripheral role.
Sounds like this MIL still sees herself as the matriarch, which is why I asked how old they were. She's behaving as though her kids are all still at home, under-age and she's "in charge" of them. But they're adults and the OP isn't even her own child. Why should she have such a say over how she (the OP) runs her life?

clam yes, i totally agree with that.

Well we are now on holiday & haven't heard from her ie text or call since here & boy isnt it lovely.
Me and my little family without the Queen Bee spoiling it all and taking over.
Clam thats exactly the word i was thinking-a matriach that is what she think she is!
Im going to try and gain some power over this situation when i get home and if it upsets her so be it.
I think her next move would be to turn up at my house as soon as i get back as she had asked repeatedly what day we get back before we had gone , if she does i will politley tell her i have washing and shopping to do

Sorry but your posts are very frustrating. You both need to grow a bloody backbone and stand up to her pathetic bullying.

It is quite simple, Jinglemum, being a parent means making yourself redundant! You give them roots and wings and if you do it successfully they want to come back. You loosen the apron strings gradually and start young. If you don't, they either have to cut them or, in the case of many men, they never manage it. Mother still thinks she can not only tell DS what to do but also what they think!
DIL is unlikely to see her as the oracle and it causes problems-and will continue to cause them until DH asserts himself in a way that he should have started around 8 years old.