To think the term Attachment Parenting.....

[Softlysoftly]

.....is offensive? Because the inference is if you don't follow that theory to the letter you are not attached, or as attached to your child?

I always find it v concerning when people look for labels and 'styles' re their parenting which they then follow avidly to live by and love to proclaim to all and sundry.I'm just a mum and I do it my way.

Mums should just parent the way that comes naturally to them. Looking for labels,constantly stressing about research and following some style illustrates a huge lack of confidence in ones parenting which kids must pick up on.

Yes op I find the term attachment parenting highly offensive as we're all attached.If pushed to give myself a label I too am a "because I said so mummy" but I'm no less attached to my dc than any other mum.

Baby permanently attached? God, no thanks.
I agree with LeQ. I know someone who won't go to social occasions (lunch etc) if her 3 year old doesn't want to .
I hate parenting labels full stop.
There's a very good Jilly Cooper passage about some horrid offspring called Damian and Midas in one of her books - Prudence? Not sure which. Anyway, that's what I always think of when I think of AP/UP kids.

I dont think trying to be your childs friend works i am seeing a familiy member crumble as she has tried to be her teen twins mate , They are out of order the way they treat her and tbh i think she is scared of them

it's not offensive. Putting a child into a room and letting it cry to 'learn' to sleep is detatching from your child and teaching your child to be detached from you.

that's just one example.

Hmm. I think maybe friend (I now have to italicise that courtesy of LeQ ) might be the wrong word.

I am his parent first and foremost but always swore I would never say " because I said so". Spent a lot of time explaining things. Far too much time.

I wonder will the UC parents ever just completely wig out eventually.

So are babies/toddlers in nursery being taught to be detached then?

I did cc and cared for my 3 24/7(bar pre-school)until they went to school.I fail to see how any of my dc could have been taught to be detached from me simply because they had a nap after lunch.

They simply learnt from very early on bed was for sleeping in at set times,that mummy needed sleep,they needed sleep,I was 2 minutes away and when they woke up I was there for masses of cuddles and play.

3 very attached,balanced kids here(great sleepers too).

To be fair, attachment theory was formulated by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth who studied children who were orphaned by war, in hospital for long periods of time etc. and examined the effect the consequent separation from their parents had.

Their theories still influence a lot of childcare and social policy; keyworkers in nursery, for example.

For some of us, the researching etc is necessary Lequeen Lack of confidence is not always something that people can help. I don't have any parenting instincts for various reasons so I am of the read and research kind of parenting. I don't witter on about it though, well, except to DP who happily witters back.

Very true

"the inference is if you don't follow that theory to the letter you are not attached"

To me this statement reeks of coming from the same school of thought that 'interprets' praise of BF or the sharing of a positive experience of BF (for example) as being an attack on those who formula feed. It's simply ridiculous!!

The only way I can see the above statement inferring that people who don't "follow the model" as not being attached to their children, is if you have a huge chip on your shoulder about the way you parent/the choices you make and are really defensive about it..

Develop a thicker skin, be proud of how you parent and the choices you make regardless of what the media may be portraying as current 'trends'!!!

I don't think it is a "trend" though,I only know a couple of mums who do it which is fortunate as the local school would be full of kids with wobbly lips finding it hard to learn that actually the teacher doesn't think the world revolves around them and that there are 29 other kids in the class equally as important.

Mrsjay, one on the front one on the back, i used to put them both on the front when they were tiny.
I dont carry them round the house though, only when round about.

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Byeckers, mummy to 3 plastic bummed babbas, yoghurt weaver

It does sound like she has cottoned onto the title ,lequeen My familiy member thought her twins were expressing themselves by climbing up the sofa and jumping off apparently it was an experience ( i am not kidding) and by telling them off was supressing their personality . result out of control kids nobody is allowed to tell them off and a mum who drinks to much wine and hides in her bedroom or tries to talk her teenagers round with bribes and conversations about their feelings of anger and fustration by all means parent your children the way you want and you feel comfortable with but please remember we are supposed to bringing up to be responsible human beings

children need food shelter love attention and boundries imo

I was thinking one on the back one on the front to balance you our Byeckerslike

"So are babies/toddlers in nursery being taught to be detached then?"

yes, but someone in the nursery will go to them if they are crying. They are not left for long periods of time.

My son is in a nursery for 8 hours a day 4 days a week and with my mum one day a week. He has formed attachments to all those carers and they don't leave him to cry.

Even parents doing attachment parenting are apart from their children sometimes. I think the term is a kind of opposite to being in the same room as a child but ignoring their needs.

God, you're not that spamming anti-AP blogger are you?
It's just that I got a comment on a (very personal) blog post about how AP isn't a good name etc, totally disregarding the personal and difficult thoughts I put in that post, just basically advertising her own blog, and since then I've seen that blogger pop up everywhere. Seems to be a one-woman campaign against AP

I think some people think AP is always clutching your child to your busom I dont think that is the case or it shouldnt be , its ok to put your baby down ,

I do BF, co-sleeping, use a sling because it suits me & I like it.

I also work FT and our CM doesn't wear a sling :)

I'm more of a 'car now' person than a "come along snookums, I know you don't want to go, but really we're going to have such a lovely ...... blah blah ..... drifts off life is short......" (a conversation between a friend and his child I overheard recently - all while the child whined and mumbled and Daddy tutted and fretted etc)

I've never thought to apply a label, but (drum roll) Accidental Parenting sounds great

Errrr so duelling you think because my dc did 3 days of cc (some time waaaaaaay back they can't even remember) and spent their formative years entirely with me they aren't as attached as your who is in nursery 5 days a week and has several carers?

I think not.

This is why labeling,quoting research etc is so daft.You parent your way,I parent my way.We could get into a parenting stat battle if you wish SAHP V WP or CC V AP but actually your way works for you and I'm sure your son is thriving,my way works for me and my dc are thriving.

Mums should just be mums the way it suits them.

LeQueen Kind of similar to those I have experienced proclaiming the AP way to be the only way to parent which is odd as the vast maj would rather eat their own hair than follow said style and have perfectly balanced happy attached kids.