Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH waking me up from a lie-in (glum, bottom lip poking, out referee needed)

87 replies

whatsallthefuss · 22/04/2012 17:56

Dh wakes at 4.30 every weekday and goes to work. He never wakes me.
I wake up at 7 and get DD ready for school etc

On a weekend we like a lie-in, but he always wakes me at 9.
Now this pisses me off becuase technically he has a 4.5 hour lie in and i have a 2 hour lie in.

Also he KNOWs it will upset me becuase i've been asking him for 20 years not to.

Why does he think that his opionion (its time to wake up) is more important than my opionion (its time to sleep)

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
probatequestion · 22/04/2012 19:44

'well wouldnt that make me as bad as him'

is mooching around growling all day FOR 20 YEARS BETTER?!?!? really?

after all this time he STILL isn't listening. so show him what it's like. wake him up in the way he wakes you up. and be cheerful for the day.

much much better. and then hopefully after a couple of weeks he'll leave you alone.

MrsHoarder · 22/04/2012 19:50

For what you could do at 5am, what are you doing for 2 hours after he has gone to bed each night? I have a DH who understands that I only go to bed at 9:30 because he does so we can cuddle before going to sleep, he brings me a cup of tea in bed and I read until its time for me to get up.

Or I roll over and go back to sleep if I'm having a hard week: going to bed at the same time doesn't mean you have to get up at the same time, and if you need more than 10 hours sleep at the weekend this would suggest you don't get enough in the week.

Original poster
whatsallthefuss · 22/04/2012 20:11

Mrshoarder but that is your choice. you choose that. all i'm grumbling about is the fact that he wont let me choose.

what does it matter what i'm doing after he goes to bed?

He hasnt been waking me up for 20 years.... not every day.... what i meant was that we have been together for 20 years. EVERY time he has woken me up he has got the same response. Please dont wake me up i dont like it. please leave me to sleep.

somewhere in the middle, it was necessary for neither of us to have a lie in, so it wasnt an issue, but now it is.

its not the lie in thats annoying.... its his assertaion that waking me up is fullfiling his need, whilst ignoring my needs (to sleep)

BTW my mum only ever had 4 hours sleep a night - she said that was all she needed. Should she have lain next to my dad for 4 hours wide awake, becuase she should be sleeping, and needs, 8 hours sleep?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 22/04/2012 20:40

But what is his explanation for ignoring your request to be allowed to sleep?

ChaoticAngel · 22/04/2012 20:58

YANBU Your DH is being a selfish, disrespectful fuckwit.

The only acceptable reasons for anyone waking me when I have a lie in is the house is on fire or one of the DC has had a serious accident.

What the going to bed/waking up times are during the week are irrelevant.

GiantPuffball · 22/04/2012 21:05

I think I'd be booking in to a hotel alone every Saturday night until he got the message. Everyone should be allowed to have their sleep out sometimes.

PestoPenguin · 22/04/2012 21:14

YANBU

I would tell him to fuck off. I would actually use those words. I am not a morning person, and hate being woken. Dh wouldn't dare if we'd agreed I didn't need to be up and no emergency was happening.

If that didn't work I'd kick him out onto the sofa the night before and use earplugs and a lock on the door until he got the message and swore never to do it again.

I don't even think I'm joking. Seriously, what an inconsiderate fuckwit.

2rebecca · 22/04/2012 21:33

why have you even been contemplating"fulfilling his needs" if he wakes you for sex though? I would be threatening seperate beds and even seperation if someone treated me with that little respect. There is no way any man waking me up when I have asked not to be waken up would get sex.
I never understand how women let this sort of crap go on for 20 years and think a sulky face is a meaningful response to this sort of crap. If this is the only time you ever have sex you need to sort out when you are going to have sex, clarifying that it is never again to be happening if he wakes you up.

mayorquimby · 22/04/2012 23:17

yanbu, if my gf did this to me I'd knock her out

TheBurderer · 22/04/2012 23:38

I'd be tempted to say give one response (maybe not even one) and then nothing after that. I know it's not mature to ignore your partner but maybe he'd cut it out if you gave him nothing at all and it was just the same as you being asleep.

ZacharyQuack · 22/04/2012 23:48

If my DH was daft enough to start waking me for no good reason, I'd start sleeping with a baseball bat under my pillow. YANBU.

GiantPuffball · 23/04/2012 07:24

Nice DV reference, MayorQuimby.Shock

Birdsgottafly · 23/04/2012 08:55

For those saying that no-one except for teenagers need 10 hrs sleep, actually most women find that as they are entering the, hormone change early menopause years, so slightly pre menopause, they need to sleep more. Otherwise you have to have naps during the day and this eats into your life more.

It is always women that are expected to be sleep deprived, but medically speaking, we (women) need to sleep when are bodies tell us to, for good long term health.

mayorquimby · 23/04/2012 09:45

"Nice DV reference, MayorQuimby.shock"

Just checking it was still unacceptable after the following comments went unchecked or criticised.
"I can tell you the kind of sex he'd get from me if he woke me up for it, the Bobbitt kind."

"OP, I'd knock him out if he woke me up. He wouldn't do it twice!"

Original poster
whatsallthefuss · 23/04/2012 09:51

birdsgottafly you might have hit the nail on the head.

i have a hormonal inbalance and take a lot of synthetic hormones. maybe thats why i need so much sleep. i rsometimes fall asleep in the day (usually after i've eaten) so i do get a bit more sleep in the week

PLEASE dont tell me to go to bed at 9 with him, because then what happens is either i lie there for hours waiting to fall asleep, or i fall asleep straight away and then wake up about midnight and cant get back to sleep till 3.

for clarification- when he wakes me, he says 'I didnt mean to', 'I just touched you' 'well dont touch me then, you know it wakes me up' 'i knocked the bed by accident' 'thats convienient -you dont do it in the week, oh and it just happens to be 9.00 - stop waking me up' then h e says 'stop making a fuss, i only woke you'
'if you want me not to make a fuss DONT WAKE ME UP!'

If he wakes me HE NEVER gets anything but grief Angry he KNOWS this but still chooses to wake me.

OP posts:
helpyourself · 23/04/2012 09:53

How old is Dd? And what time does she get up?

jellybeans · 23/04/2012 09:57

YANBU. He is being very selfish. It should be up to you what time you lie in till. I often have long lie ins (as long as DC are asleep). Tell him to sleep elsewhere until he gets the message that it is your choice when you get up. It is abit controlling of him to be honest.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 12:21

OP I am sympathetic, but spin this around.

OP - I go to bed early every night so that I can get up in the morning and we can have a nice family day together. DH insists on staying up later, saying that he can't sleep - but then he will want a massive lie in in the morning. AIBU to think that he should come to bed earlier and then get up earlier?'

Replies
'YANBU, lazy fucker'
'YANBU, is he watching porn and that is why he is staying up without you?'
'YANBU, 9am is quite late enough, send the children up to wake him'
'YANBU, I would go out for the day and leave him to sort his own lunch/amusement/dinner out (delete as desired)'

Faffalina · 23/04/2012 12:27

If it's your turn for a lie in, then it's up to you when to get up.

SerendipitousHarlot · 23/04/2012 12:46

Faffalina has it spot on.

This. Regardless of the reason.

MsVestibule · 23/04/2012 12:49

YABU. We take it in turns on a weekend to get up with the DCs while the other has a lie-in until 9.45. (Not sure why that time - sounds quite bizarre written down like that.). It means that we can have some relaxing time together, drinking tea etc. before we go out. I think my DH would like to sleep later, but accepts that his needs don't always come first.

And MayorQ, you're right, slight case of double standards! I guess, rightly or wrongly, women just feel a bit uncomfortable hearing a man joking about knocking a woman out.

handbagCrab · 23/04/2012 12:54

Yanbu. No self respecting lie in would finish at 9am!

tantrumsandballoons · 23/04/2012 13:03

Ok so he doesn't wake you up as such ie " it's 9am, it's time to get up" he wakes you up "accidentally"?
My DH also gets up at 4am during the week, on weekends he is up by 6 as he is so used to being up early. I think cos he gets up so early he is bored if there's nothing to do, so he has a shower, gets dressed, goes to the shop to buy breakfast stuff, just normal every day noise that wakes me up sometimes.

If he isn't actually saying "come on get up let's go shopping or whatever, can't you just ignore him and go back to sleep?
If you are as tired at 9am as you say, and you want to sleep more, can't you get back to sleep?

I think it's quite tricky when you have such different waking up times, my DH goes to bed at 9:30 as he gets up at 4am so I watch tv or read in our bedroom or just go to sleep if I'm tired and he says goodbye to me at 4:40am, I go back to sleep until 5:45.

RillaBlythe · 23/04/2012 13:41

OP - are you Carol Thatcher?!

Leaving aside the hand up the jacksy & focusing on whether you can be woken from a lie in, I think the age of the DD is key in my opinion. Small child = OP is being U. Older child = DP is being U.

Original poster
whatsallthefuss · 23/04/2012 14:39

My DD is 8 and happy to play in her room until its time to get up.

we never do anything on a sunday morning till 12 when we have a family lunch.... thats why its our lie in day.

Its impossible for me to get back to sleep,a nd i dont like lying in bed if i'm awake

OP posts: