To not give a fuck about schools?

[sensuallettuce]

AIBU to be totally hacked off with this subject every bloody year.

I don't care that Saffron didn't get into your first choice school even though the local school is varie good she just isn't "suited" to that "environment" all the council estate kids .

It's such thinly veiled snobbery and competitive parenting at its very worst. Kids should go to the local school end of and if there is a grammar system state educated kids should be permitted to take the entrance exam (not privately educated kids who are trained to pass an exam) and this should be means tested.

I live in one of the most competitive school areas of the country with a massive social divide (Poole in Dorset). Because of this I ended up with all 3 kids at 3 different schools for 3 yrs .

How can people bang on about the state providing a perfectly good education then spend an extra £50,000 on a house in the "right" area. It's hypocritical snobby bollocks.

Kids will learn if they want to. I do not believe any of them have faired any better or worse due to my non choice of school. They are fulfilling who they are.

They have a loving home and are well balanced grounded kids and they know if I believe they have been "wronged" I am behind them 100%, if they have done "wrong" I am behind the school. I a, supportive of and interested in their education.

We all need to bloody calm down about this seriously

themighty I don't think many/any employers discriminate against the privately educated. The stats show that is not the case.

However, many employers these days won't employ just because of where you wnet to school. And they will expect you demonstarate that you actively want to be there and work and earn dosh. That you're not just marking time until you srat a boutique cheese comapny in Herefordhsire.

Themightfandango - I would never hate anyone for choices they make over their child education .

Sensual I like your point of view in many ways, and indeed my story is like a watered down version of yours.

But it also sounds like you had some hard times, what if you had been given a better start and would have got where you are now anyway minus the really tough life problems you have had. If you could have had what you have now for the majority of your life and with some of the hard stuff swapped for happy fun times?

OK you got where you wanted to go in the end, and many wouldn't have made it off the drugs like you did, but did you need to tread such a hard path? Sounds like you have a gutsy character anyway so coming through those things probably hasn't given you the spine you have always had iyswim. So a softer route could have had same results with less heartache?

The problem is LeQueen the hunger that your DH had, that I had will be dliuted to our children because it's a double edged sword, we want them to enjoy the fruits of our labour but in doing so you remove their raw hunger/desire.

Fair enough. I would hate to think that my DS, having been through a fair amount of crap before finding a school that made him feel good about himself, would then be tossed aside at application stage because of that school.

However I suspect you are thinking of some significantly posher private schools than my sons northern, none selective one . I can't see boutique cheese appealing to many round here.

I can see what you are saying ginpalace but I wouldn't be the person I am today if my life hadn't been the way it has. I appreciate everything I have so very much and sometimes I can't believe I have what I do. I think I am a better parent than I would have been otherwise. My life changed completely the day DS1 was born - he gave my life real meaning and purpose the the first time and he and my other children are my drivers.

DS1 was thinking about trying smoking and he came and had an open and frank conversation with me about it first and decided not to. I am no way perfect but I think if I had a more sheltered life I may have totally freaked out about that.

I don't think I would be as happy as I am if I hadn't been so desperate and sad and my career is directly linked to my past (I work with teenagers).

My only regret in life is the hurt I caused my parents but I know they are proud of me now and get immense joy from their grandchildren.

Personally if I had gone to a school with more about it instead of the ambition free zone it was, I would have woken up to the fact there is a big wide world out there.

I always had a hankering for more but surrounded by low achievers I had no clue how the 'other half' lived so never saw anything to go for, had no idea whatsoever how people became good earners or achieved responsibility (very naive). My dad seriously suggested bin-person as a great career for me at one point in my late teens as they work cushy hours and get decent money

I always felt unchallenged in my job in a shop but couldn't see alternatives, but drawn to more I eventually managed to broaden my horizons, travelled, met other people, and now finally in my late 30's I am going for a high level professional career which I think I will be happy in, because it has taken me that long to figure out how the world works! I sound thick, I'm not, I just had very narrow horizons.

I do however sometimes mourn all that lost time swilling around in ignorance and think I could be giving my ds a better life now if I had been given a better start! Though at the same time my life is many ways who I am.

Last year, one of my minded children was in the unlucky situation of living in an area with no catchment, ie no local school defined.
His mother went through a very worrying time trying to find a school that would be suitable for him (where I could continue collecting and where he would have friends). I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Unfairness of this kind Is what a lot of the parents on here are complaining about. Having to wait until the rest of the county has taken its pick, then take the scraps that are left; being cheated out of places by liars and fickle pushy parents manipulating the system is what they're complaining about in many of the threads I've seen.
YABU to try and dictate what people can and can't post about.

Sensual yes it is all about context isn't it. The appreciation of what you have now will probably never fade for those reasons and you are experiencing some advantages of your life-experience. Not sure I wouldn't mind having a wobble over smoking over having to come off drugs though

I do agree we are a product of our personality and circumstance and the gamble is quite how those two things will combine in our children to produce what product? Then you get into the 'you can't see into the future' and then you start just trying to increase the odds on a good turn out.... 20 or so years later you get to look back and see if it was right!

Glad your parents got to see the good stuff in the end and porbably also appreciate it more!

In my township, there are 2 schools that are graded 'outstanding' - 1st is 3-11, 2nd in 3-7 with the school it feeds being graded 'good'. (5 jnr schools in total inc Catholic School)
The 1st is in the the 'rougher' end of town the 2nd is in the richer end of town.
Guess which one is oversubscribed? Yup that's right the one in the rich end, despite it's junior school not being as good as the 1st.

I am in a different catchment area to those 2 schools. And I would not have picked the 1st school because it is a long way away and I like to walk to school.
But the catchment boundary runs up the middle of my street for 2nd and my chosen school.

I looked at both and chose the school (then graded satisfactory) that would suit my children best. I have no regrets school has since been graded 'good'

There is however, a lot of snobbery about the 2nd school. And sometimes it riles me.
When people start on the subject I usually just say well technically the 1st school is the better school so just send your children there! Usually shuts them up.

Throwing the 4th school into the mix - it has been recently regraded as 'good' after being on special measures. Which is positive, however, the parents who live on the new (ish) estate with big detached houses with 4 beds and en suites don't think so and clamour to get their kids Into the 2nd school.

I just think they should get over it and appreciate that we have 4 really good schools serving our town!

"Kids will learn if they want to. I do not believe any of them have faired any better or worse due to my non choice of school. They are fulfilling who they are. "

this approach may be fine for those whose children have no problems or distinctive needs whatsoever. Quite a few of the parents you are slagging off will not be so lucky. pity you've not got the imagination to see that. Let's hope your kids' school fills that gap for them.

I know what you mean, I really do. But it's not stopping us move into a different school catchment area this summer because I am just not brave enough to risk it.

this indicates that LeQueen's Dh's experience is also borne out at university level.

I meant to say that the 4th school is the catchment school for half the 'posh' estate.

This topic is more of an issue if you aren't as lucky as me (if living in a deprived mining town oop north can be considered lucky ) and have a choice of good schools.

My approach to choosing a 'satisfactory' school was that there is much more to a child's education than school - a sentiment borrowed from my brother's old teacher (said to my Dad 20 years ago)

OP I do agree with you and I am the child of a parent who chose to home educate over sending us to the local school (a notorious high school in north London).

However I'm afraid that I may not feel the same when it comes to choosing schools for my DC in a few years time. Hopefully we will have made the move to a European country by then, that has an education system less fucked up than ours.

It is very naieve to think that children who want to learn will do well wherever they go. They won't. They can't learn what isn't taught, they can't overcome any problems they may have without the right support, they can't learn in a disruptive classroom with children who don't respect teachers, the above average ones cannot fulfil their potential if the teacher has to constantly pitch the lessons to below average ability, even if they are given extension work.

You may get good teachers in schools that have a bad reputation, but even then, your child is only likely to have a year, two maximum, with that outstanding teacher. And even the best teachers have to work within the school policies, and if they aren't very good an excellent teacher simply cannot override that.

Personally, we have been very lucky with schools, we had a choice of four and none of them were schools I would have been devestated to have to use. But I still chose the one that I thought would suit our family and my dc best, despite it not being the closest.

Outraged you are very right. I was very keen to learn as a child but mostly sat bored stiff while very. simple. things. were. explained. very. slowly

Then when I got high marks I became a target for bullies, so started sabotaging my own work. Cue some crap grades for a bright kid...

Oh Dear.

I am so keen my ds avoids my experience. OK I came good in the end but my school years were misery and may as well have been spent packing meat in a factory for all the difference it would have made. I might have had more cash too!!

There are some bad areas in the OPs area. When I was a school nurse, I had to visit a couple of children in the catchment and the schools were like fort knox. The heath is constantly being burned down and car crime is rife. This is the area I grew up and it has some amazing schools which seems a bit unfair. When I am back in the UK I use the gym at a local school which is clearly having money pumped into it left right and centre because it is a naice area and a very competitive school. Go outside a bit further and it is a different story, not happy to insult people who live in places where I have had a bad experience but it is an example of an area that has very rich and very poor areas and I hope that since I left the UK it has become a bit better. I of course have taken an extreme step by leaving the country al together but was more financial and lifestyle than educational decision. There is no right and wrong when people are trying to do their best for their children. Hate the snobbery though and can attest, being sent to a state school 15 miles away was rubbish, hated the travelling, the hideous uniform and not being near my friends. My mum was always late picking me up and I used to spend a lot of time standing in the rain waiting for her or anyone else she could scrape together to pick me up.

Our local school is excellent, but the catchment has a serious gang problem. None of my friends (all single mothers from council housing) have sent their boys there because they literally fear for their lives if they get too involved in the prevalent gang culture. It's tragic because the staff are doing everything within their power, but the more well-motivated, well-informed parents refuse to take the risk (and I think surely even the OP would be hard-pressed to blame them).

Dilys, I don't blame them at all. Like you say, we are all for principles but would never put our kids at risk. Makes my blood boil though and I cannot see what the solution is.